Stage I or Stage III

My mom had her oncology appointment today. She has non-small cell adenocarcinomas. Although my mom did smoke for maybe 3 years tops in her early 20's, the doctor said that this type of cancer is related to second-hand smoke (which she was around her entire childhood) and is very common in women - even those who don't smoke. They will not be sure of the staging of the cancer, until she gets two tests: a brain MRI and a biopsy on her lymph nodes in her chest. The doctor said it is either stage 1 or stage 3. If it's stage 1, it means the tumor is confined to her lung and will most likely be surgically removed - end of story; stage 1 is a 60-80% survival rate. If it's stage 3, it means it's spread to the lymph nodes in her chest, and she would need chemo and radiology; stage 3 is a 20-30% survival rate. Least likely is stage 4, meaning it's spread outside the lung to the brain. Apparently, they can't do a PET scan on the brain because the brain metabolizes the most glucose in the whole body; since the PET scan dye is made of a glucose solution, the whole brain would look like a giant blob of cancer. That's why she has to get a brain MRI. She showed us the PET scans, which show the lymph nodes looking dark like the tumor does. When my mom asked her if she thought it looked like cancer, she thought it did but said she's been tricked before. This was both unsettling and hopeful to me. A previous illness or infection can apparently leave the lymph nodes looking like this, too.

This was obviously a lot of information to take in. I have felt such an incredible range of emotions, from anger to sadness to denial to numbness. I still feel a bit in shock. My mom doesn't look sick. She doesn't act sick. Yet, she's got this 3cm X 1 1/4 inch tumor sitting in her left lung, this time bomb, and I think about that and it hits me. I want her to fight. I want God to heal her. I want Zooey to get to know her. I want her to meet any other children we have. I want the little things - calling to chat, going to lunch, laughing and all the things that are normal.

I'm having a hard time thinking about this situation right now; I usually do this, though...get numb for awhile as news processes then I'm better able to access my thoughts about things. I am continuing to pray, because no matter what, God is Faithful (interesting side bar of how God speaks: Faithful was our attribute this week at BSF - how sweet of God to prepare me for this). I am praying that she will get in for the lymph node biopsy sooner than in 2 weeks, that the brain MRI will show no cancer and that all results are back to the oncologist quickly, so treatment options can be presented and that those treatments are 100% effective.