Our Little Pumpkin

As promised, here's a picture of Zooey's first Halloween. She didn't really know what was going on, of course, but doesn't she look awful cute?

Can't a girl catch a break?

Ugh...I have mastitis. I have had a fever since 3am on Friday; I think it's finally beginning to break 24 hours into my antibiotic. Thankfully I had an appointment with my OB yesterday anyway to discuss another lovely post partum symptom: a prolapse (Google it if you really want to know). Zooey is gassy and fussy because of the antibiotic. Ryan's hunting but will thankfully be back today sometime (& hopefully with an elk). So...I've been sitting around being lazy the last two days watching TV, nursing and napping.

Being a mom is hard work! Such a blessing, but hard work. I guess in a way I'm kind of glad that the worse thing I have is a fever, rather than the flu or something the first time I have to care for a child. Plus, my sister was kind enough to stay the night last night, so I got a good solid 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, which really helped.

I'm determined to take a shower in a bit and get Zooey in her pumpkin shirt, so we can pass out candy. Pic's to follow...

My new favorite thing

Note to self for Zooey and future baby: I LOVE MY MOBY WRAP!! Zooey has a fussy time in the evenings. Tonight I thought "What the heck? I'll give my brand new Moby a shot," and so I busted it out. I wrapped the ginormous piece of cloth around myself, tucked crying Zooey in and -BAM!-3 minutes later, she was asleep. Yes, it looks a little hippy like it was designed in Boulder (it was not, by the way), but you can't knock something this comfortable and effective. Hands-free-baby-cuddling = baby bliss.

To all those who patronized me about the weight gain...

...I am currently 7 lbs. away from my pre-pregnancy weight. Take that Dr. - I told you it was water!! Sorry, it's just, as one could see from my early pregnancy posts, I freaked a little bit about my weight gain. No, my body is not the current shape it was in before, and no, I'm not in my pre-pregnancy jeans quite yet, but I am super happy with my results from doing nothing (although I suspect the breastfeeding has helped). I am also quite confident that once I start running again, I'll be back in those jeans in a jiffy. :)

Just another testament to the power of prayer

Zooey is doing beautifully with the breastfeeding. I submitted a prayer request for my sweet BSF ladies to lift up on Saturday morning, I was praying, Ryan was praying, my mom, Sarah & dad were praying...and guess what? Saturday evening she started latching on perfectly. By Sunday night, she was more than comfort nursing - she was swallowing. Today, we are only supplementing 1 oz. of breastmilk if she doesn't seem content after a feed, and Ryan gives her the last meal of the day via bottle. God is so amazing, and I am consistently brought to tears (the good kind :) ) at how he cares about the little things.

Now I am told that it will take a couple of weeks to a month for my boobs to not feel as if they are decaying from pain. I know, probably not the best use of words, but man oh man they hurt. If anyone has gone through this and can offer a little ray of hope as to how long it took for their boobs to feel close to normal (or at least become desensitized to the pain), please leave comment below.

Our days are together are awesome. Time goes so fast, and by the time I look up, Ryan's home from work. Usually that's when Zooey has a bit of a fussy time, but I'm convinced part of that is that she wants her daddy. :) He literally picks her up or takes her from me and within seconds she's calm. She's put on good weight and as of Monday is at 9 lbs. 3 oz. I have one more appointment on Monday with the LC to get a weight and address any questions. I believe at that point, if everything's going well, I'll be able to stop pumping after each feed and strictly BF, unless I want to pump to store some milk. Last night Zooey went 5 hours between feeds; however, it was her 8:00 and 1:15 am feed, so I want us to work on getting that long stretch in the middle of the night...possibly doing a dream feed at 11:00 pm. Any Baby Wiser's with advice regarding this, I would love your feedback. I'm hoping she'll stick to the 2.5-3 hr. schedule well enough that she'll sleep through the night (5-6 hrs.) by 8-10 weeks, even with the breastfeeding hurdle we faced. Zooey's super strong, as I mentioned in earlier posts! She can hold her head up during tummy time for much longer than the "3 seconds" I've read about in the books and stuff. She's also started smiling more this week and making different noises. I'm sure it won't be long now before she can smile in response to our smiles. She is just such an amazing gift, and we love her so much!

We continue to pray for Ryan's job situation. Six weeks is coming up quickly, and although I did tell my boss that I'm taking 12 weeks maternity leave, I'd like to be able to tell them I'm not coming back sooner than that. Our plan is for me to stay home and make it work. It will be tight, don't get me wrong, but it will be so worth it - for all of us. So...come mid-November, if there's no news from TSA, we will apply for private insurance and Ryan will try to find something else with benefits until TSA calls. Again, the insurance is really the big thing here, and we have enough in savings to pay for that for awhile. We both feel that home is where God wants me, so we are placing our trust in him. If I must work, I will find a part-time job somewhere eventually. It's super scary to trust. If we cannot find insurance, I will have to return to work...we just keep praying!!

The Struggle of Breastfeeding

Oh my. This is a "venting" post. Motherhood is fantastic, it really is. I look at our baby and think she is the most perfect, wonderful thing that God has ever placed on this earth. She is such a good baby! She hardly fusses, she is sleeping well at night, and she is just a joy.

Zooey underwent her tongue clipping procedure on Wednesday. She was in a little pain on Wednesday, and by Thursday she just seemed to be trying to figure out her new "free" tongue, wiggling it about and sticking it out. I'm sure it takes some getting used to; it's probably like having a whole new tongue or something after all she's known was the tongue-tied one.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know this is naiive, but even though I talked my unrealistic expectations down in my mind, I still expected her to be able to nurse immediately after the procedure and for breastfeeding to be bliss by Thursday. Obviously, my impatience has caused my hopes to be dashed.

OH MY GOSH BREASTFEEDING IS SO HARD!!!!!!!!!

I know not everyone has this many problems. Zooey will eat really good - latch on for 15 minutes per side, swallow, everything. The next feeding, she becomes a red-faced ball of frustration and heart-wrenching cries as she pushes me away, won't latch on or latches on and injures me then won't latch on well again. Sigh. I pray and I pray and I pray that breastfeeding will go well. I stay calm; when I get frustrated I give her the bottle as the lactation consultant suggested. I try to put her to breast after she eats, when she's calm - the other suggestion by the lactation consultant - but she falls asleep and won't do anything. I have another appointment on Monday, and all I can do is pray that God will guide the appointment and give me some new insight, tips a SNS...something to help this process along. Thankfully, I have milk, so I've been able to pump and feed it to her. She's still getting all the immunities and such. I'm tempted to look up exclusive pumping, but whenever I think about that, I remember that I am not one who gives up without a tough fight. Breastfeeding is important to me - the bonding, the closeness, the experience shared with mother and baby. Today is a day where I just feel I'm at the end of my breastfeeding rope. She was crying at the last feeding. I was crying at the last feeding. I loaded her up in her stroller and went on a quick power walk to bust the stress; it helped, and then Ryan, my sweet Ryan, got home and said, "I think you're doing a great job, babe. Let's wait until Monday. She'll have some ideas." And my sister called me and encouraged me saying a bottle isn't bad and wait until Monday. And my mom said to persevere, because I will look back someday (even if it doesn't work) and know that I tried everything I could. God is answering prayer, even if it's not the way I want. He's giving me encouragement through many forms, and it's encouragement I greatly appreciate.

Things "I never"

I never knew I'd be able to function on so little sleep.

I never knew I'd have such an ache to be able to nurse my baby.

I never knew I'd be able to differentiate cries and noises with accuracy.

I never knew I'd have such a tough job come so naturally.

I never knew that one little face could cause so much joy...or pull so much sympathy out of me.

Same goes for one little noise.

I never knew you could get so lost in someone's eyes.

I never knew that holding your child can bring you comfort and peace, too.

I never understood just how fast time can go.

I never comprehended my parents love for me until now.

I never knew I could love another person so ferociously and so innocently - so unselfishly.

I have never had such a high level of respect and love for my husband as I do now. He's such a great dad.

I thought I "got" the importance of a tight-knit family revolving around the Lord - not until now.

I have never had such a deep understanding of the Cross until now - how God looked down on HIS ONLY SON, God Himself, dying down here. For us. Unselfishly. I have never so readily said "I would die for someone" than I have with my sweet daughter. Through relationship with her, God has given me a deeper a view of grace, a view that makes my heart leap with gratitude in my chest and ache in better understanding of just what that sacrifice cost Him.

There is so much more that I know now about life from having a baby, and it's only been 2 and a half precious weeks!

Thank you, Lord, for entrusting us with this gift and for all You've already shown us. Ready us for the road that lies ahead.

Time Flies!

I cannot believe that Zooey's almost two weeks old. It is so surreal that she is here, not in my belly, and also that she's been home with us for a week already. Things have been going well. She had her 10 day check up today. She is gaining weight and weighs 8 lbs. 3 oz. and grew about 1/4 in. The doctor said she looks just great. She's eating on a pretty good schedule of about 3 hours, and last night she went a 3 1/2 stretch before she woke up to eat. Zooey is tongue-tied, meaning she can't latch on when breastfeeding. This could also cause other problems later in life, so she's having a frenulectomy next Wednesday (that little thing that holds her tongue to her mouth just needs to be snipped a little - very minor, 10 min. procedure). I've been pumping and feeding her by bottle; we're praying she'll do well and latch on after the procedure. We had to supplement with a little formula, but we're getting to the point where we don't have to so much.

Everything else is going very well. She's a very strong baby! We think she's going to be like Ryan. She already holds her head up for a long time before she gets tired. Last night during her tummy time Ryan rolled her onto her tummy and she rolled onto her back on her own. I just cherish every moment with her and am so thankful that God has given her to us. She is such a blessing.

Ryan is still working things out with TSA; hopefully he will get the call very soon that he's hired on. So far, when that happens, he's planning on working there and at his current job (TSA starts out as part-time only). The insurance benefits start right away, so we still have some time. Now that Zooey is actually here, I cannot imagine being anywhere but at home with her.

Time to feed a hungry baby... :)

Labor of Love

Sigh. Our baby is home. She is perfect. She is beautiful. She is so sweet. We love her more than anything and are amazed by her. Here is a picture of our beautiful Zooey:

If you would like to see more pictures, please e-mail me. Because the blog is very public, we have chosen to use a password-protected website to share our little munchkin with the world.

Now, for those of you who have been wondering about the labor story, here it is. My water broke on Sunday at 3:00 pm. That was a weird experience! Ryan kept asking if I was sure, and I honestly wasn't at first, but within about thirty minutes it was. I called my doctor, who was on vacation, and the on-call doc said I should definitely come to the hospital to be checked and admitted. Once there, they confirmed my water broke and hooked me up. Although I was having contractions, at this point they were pretty irregular, every 5-6 minutes, and I couldn't really tell I was having them unless I looked at the monitor. Ryan & I went on several walks to try to get the labor to progress on it's own, but when the doctor came in at 11:00 to check me, I was still only 3 cm dilated and (he said) 70% effaced. At that point, he started me on pitocin, because if your water breaks, they really want the baby out within 12 hours, 18 at the latest to reduce the risk of infection to the baby. I rested until 4:00, he checked me again...and...still at 3 cm! He left the room saying if I was having a problem with the pain I could get IV drugs, but at that point I figured it would still take a while to 5 or 6 cm which is when I wanted to start the epidural. I called Ryan over to come sit with me, since I was super tired, and about 5 minutes after the doctor left, I started having strong contractions that lasted about 60 seconds about every minute (or less) apart. I couldn't take the pain and got some IV drugs and finally got the epidural. Sweet relief! 45 minutes after he checked me, I was at 8 cm! I and rested until 7:00 when I was fully effaced and at 10cm then I "labored down" and took a nap. At 8:00 the on-call doctor from my OB's office arrived, and it was time to push. We ended up letting Sarah & my mom in the room for the delivery, which wasn't part of our birth plan, but I'm happy they could both be there for Zooey's arrival. At 10:31, I pushed Zooey out pretty fast - the doctor said that process normally takes another 10 minutes; Ryan says when I said I was done, I really meant it. :)

When people say you can't comprehend the love you have for your child, I never really "got it." I thought I understood that concept, but I now realize even five days after her birth that that is a concept you cannot fully grasp until one has children. I look at our beautiful, perfect, sweet, amazing daughter, and my heart overflows with emotion. I would do anything for her. I sit here in awe at this gift that has been entrusted to us, and I am humbled and thankful and feel blessed beyond belief. Welcome to the world, our beautiful little girl!

Zooey Olivia was born today at 10:31am weighing 8 lbs. 2 oz. & measuring 20 inches long. Pictures to follow. We are SO in love; she is beautiful!

My dr.'s office just called. I will be induced on 10/12 if I don't go into labor on my own. Less than 2 weeks! Within 10 days we will have our little girl.

Today at the doctor

Nothing really happened. I'm still 3cm dilated, 80% effaced, baby is now at +1 station (lower) and she stripped my membranes again. I'm scheduled next week for any appointment if I don't deliver, they'll do a biophysical profile. They'll give me an ultrasound and do some fetal monitoring. I guess my doctor's office doesn't let you go past 40 weeks unless everything is perfect with the amniotic fluid and the baby, so if anything's off, they'll induce next week. If everything's still perfect, they will wait one more week and induce at 41 weeks. So, I guess the good news in all of this is that, no matter what, our baby will be here in 2 weeks! I had also really been freaking out earlier in the week, because there is a horrible virus/cold thing going around my work; about half my office has it. I talked to her about it, asked her what she thought and after her saying I really don't want to get sick this close to labor and that women in labor with this type of bug have a harder time pushing because of their congestion, I decided to ask for my leave note. I am officially on maternity leave tomorrow. Please continue to pray for supernatural health protection for me and Ryan; according to the news, this thing is hitting us pretty hard here.

I got my assistant all set up in my office for the duration of my leave, as someone else will be using her desk. It was weird. I haven't told them yet that I probably won't be back, because for one, Ryan is not yet hired on at TSA and second, we need the health insurance (which pretty much falls into reason #1). I am consistently praying that God will work out the job/insurance situation, so I will be able to stay home with the baby. It is so hard not to have magical powers to be able to look in the future and control whatever we want! However, I do trust the Lord for His best in my family's life, and I need to let go and calm down. Oh, and try to enjoy the last bit of relaxation I have while I'm off, right? :)