Weaned.

Tennyson is weaned.
My last baby is weaned.
I will not breastfeed again.

I tried to wean him several months ago when I got really ill and had to be on a lot of different meds, but even after eight-ish days, he was asking (not very politely!) for "boobie." I started him back up when I am pretty sure I was getting mastitis in both breasts, and he wouldn't drop the issue during an Imax movie at the museum.

It was such a blessing to have nursed him as long as I did (23.5 months). I had a very hard time in the beginning with Zooey, and if you remember, she weaned very suddenly all by herself. Before I even became pregnant with Tennyson I prayed that he would pick up nursing easily, that he would nurse for at least a year and that God would prepare us both for the time he would be done. God answered my prayer, and as He always does, answered in abundance. I am always touched at how much He loves me and cares about the little details of my life.

He last nursed January 1 before bed, and he told me they were "empty." The next night I reminded him they were empty, and while he was a little upset, he let it go easily. He didn't really ask after that. I had a huge sense of peace (unlike a couple months before), and in my heart, I just knew it was time. God is so good.

So, the chapter in my life of babies and breastmilk is closed, but the ending isn't something I would change or have any other way. <3 p="">

Less than an hour old

12/9/15, almost 23 months

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day Brunch

Today was a wonderful Mother's Day. Ryan took Zooey and I out to brunch at Le Peep, I took a nice long nap, we went over to Sarah & Rey's for dinner and finished up the day with Menchie's. Zooey made me four beautiful Mother's Day cards this week at her various activities, all of which I love and will treasure. At brunch she said, "Happy Mommy's Day! Love you so much!" and gave me a kiss. It was very sweet.
I've been seeing a lot of these "before I was a mom" posts on the internet. They're all so great and ring so true. I've been thinking a lot about how I personally have grown in my knowledge of God's love since becoming a mother. Lately, with a three and a half year old who very much seems to like to push my buttons or merely gets into trouble out of her own curiosity, I find myself muttering, "When are you ever going to stop that?" or "What on earth would possess her to do that?" I've also been stopping short halfway through those comments, because I feel like God's nudging my heart ever so gently, "Amber, when are you going to stop being unkind to that person?" "Amber, you know my Word says not to do ____ , yet you did it. Why?" And it's truly not a "guilt trip" God-voice. It is spoken gently, as a reminder that I am a foolish, faulty human being, desperately broken and in desperate need of a Savior who loves me despite all the foolish, faulty, sinful things I do on a daily - nay, an hourly or even minute by minute basis. My love for Zooey is not shaken when she hits me or calls me a bad boy or pours water all over the bathroom floor. In fact, in some of the quirky not so naughty stuff, it just makes me (eventually) laugh with her and love her more. I stand in awe of a King who continues to love me time and again...when I say the ugly thing for the thousandth time, when I tell a little white lie and justify it in my own way, when I mess up again with "that sin," the one I currently struggle to tackle by His grace. How? How can He possibly continue to love me? Because I'm His daughter. Pure and simple: God loves me, because I'm His child. Nothing will shake His love for me. Of course He moves us on a course of sanctification, which is why we must face discipline, just like our kids...we don't want them hitting people and calling them names when they're thirty. And that's a whole other topic. Thank God, though, for His unconditional, unfailing, beautiful, tender and compassionate Fatherly love!

Happy Mother's Day! May us mamas remember as we are in the daily grind that we serve a God who goes before us and stands behind us on both the wonderful, rose colored, everything-is-rainbows-and-smiles days and on the hard, watching-the-clock-for-bedtime, I-will-LOSE-it-if-you-do-that-one-more-time days. May He grant us the wisdom and grace to relish the good days and handle the bad to His glory. May He help us to cherish and capture the memories in our minds that are so fleeting. May He enable us to raise our children to forever impact His kingdom.

Having a Two Year Old is Awesome!

I spent the morning at a local indoor play place for kids that's becoming a favorite of ours. It really struck me through conversation with a friend how much I love the age Zooey is at right now. It is such a fun age! Her imagination is really picking up, as is her attention span. Where as she used to spend time playing with one toy, then another and another and another all without any real focus, she will now actually pretend-play. We spent a good five minutes making "sandwiches" and another ten with her "feeding me" cookies dipped in chocolate sauce & peanut butter (even in pretend play, my kid knows what's up when it comes to food!). She also loved to sit and flip through a look & find book with me and even spent some time coloring on a chalk board with her little friend, Sybella. She took a stuffed bear up the ladder on the slide and pushed it down, laughing the whole time, before she herself went down. She "drove" a school bus for a good chunk of time. It just really is a fun age. Today was one of those days I wish I could bottle up and take out later to bask in. That's why I took a lot of pictures! To finish up our morning, we went to Chick-fil-A, where I had promised I get her an ice cream. As we shared our "girl's lunch," the sun was bouncing off Zooey's hair, and she smiled and carried on quite the conversation with me about her love of ketchup, and I realized again how incredibly blessed I am to be this little girl's mommy.

Little things to love

~Zooey grabbing my hand to pull me anywhere

~Zooey taking all the alphabet magnets off the fridge & stacking them on the chairs - and running around the kitchen in circles, laughing hysterically

~Zooey trying to grab RaRa's hand to pull her to the restaurant's kitchen this morning at breakfast and telling the waitress all about how hungry she was

~Sleepy toddler snuggles

~Sleepy cat snuggles

~Strawberry Mentos

~"Carried Away" by B&B Works

~A quiet moment alone just to surf the Net

~Sneaking in to cover Zooey and still smelling her J&J Bedtime Lotion~bliss!

~That she slept until 9:00...so did I!

~A giant hug from the hub when he got home

Dropping the Dreamfeed....

I suspect that we will soon be dropping the "dreamfeed," or the late evening feeding. We used to do this at 11:00, then at 10:30, then at 10:00...about 2 weeks ago I moved it to 9:45. She's been sleeping from this feed until at least 6:30 (usually 7:00) for about 3 weeks now. Before Ryan started at TSA and had to get up before the crack of dawn, he did the dreamfeed. I've been doing it since then. I used to hate the dreamfeed, because I used to pump afterwards. Once I was doing it every night, I stopped pumping pretty quickly! Too much of a pain. :) Anyways, we got into a couple of arguments about the dreamfeed, actually. I liked being able to go to sleep when Ryan went in for it; it gave me an extra half hour or so (I know - big deal, right?). I was dreading doing this last feed, because it meant I had to stay up for it and yada yada yada. Tonight I moved it back to 9:35, and I was surprised to feel a little bit of emotion welling up inside. I have come to love the dreamfeed. It's one of my favorite times of day with my sweet little Zooey. She's all snuggly and warm, and she's pretty much asleep and just so very adorable when she's eating. When she's done, I cuddle her to myself for a bit before putting her back in her crib, and she makes those little baby sighs and squeals against my ear, breathing contentedly against me. I will miss these moments. Soon Zooey will not be nursing quickly enough - she'll want to look around and move around. Soon she will be crawling and walking, exploring everything she can in her little world, and our snuggles will become fewer. Moms I know told me, "Cherish this! It goes so fast! You won't believe how fast it goes!" I thought I knew how quickly time goes. I had no concept of this until I had Zooey. She's 15 weeks old tomorrow! So crazy how fast time goes. And although I so look forward to each and every milestone she's going to face, all the exciting "firsts" she will experience and teaching her things and doing so much with her, as each phase passes, I'm struck with how she's moving forward, and sometimes I wish I could slow time down a bit or freeze it for a bit. So once again, I looked down at my precious little girl, and I pray that the Lord will help me to cherish each moment with her. And that He'll help me through the transitions as tough as some may be (even when it's just a "little tough") in a way that will glorify Him and grow Zooey into a healthy, Godly woman.