The Four Hour Schedule

Here I was, all wondering whether Zooey would ever move to a 4-hr. schedule, not trying to push it, trying to accept the fact that she might not (which would've been fine), and it looks like she's moving herself. I was reading up on Babywise, which says most babies can move to a 4 hour schedule sometime around 6 months; some babies actually go to one around 4 months. The Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg, says that most babies can and should move to a 4-hour schedule around 4 months. Zooey was not one of those babies. I was looking at Hogg's info. online, and she has a schedule in her book, "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems," on page 230 for moving from a 3 hour to a 4 hour schedule. I looked at it and realized that Zooey is indeed moving herself to a 4 hour routine. She long ago dropped her 4th nap, and the current schedule we have is smack-dab in the middle of the transition. Hogg says the change could happen over a period of 15 days, but I think it takes a little longer for some babies. Normally our routine is:

7:30 - wake, nurse, solids
8:40 - nap
10:30 - wake, nurse
11:45 - nap
1:30 - wake, nurse, solids
3:00 - catnap
4:00 - wake, nurse
6:15 - nurse, solids, bath
7:00 - bedtime

The last two days, however, Zooey seems to be stretching it more. Sarah & I took Zooey to the zoo, and she went 4 hours without a feed. She was happy as a clam, except a little tired. That was 2 days ago. Yesterday, she went roughly 4 hours without any pushing on my part, for all of her feeds. Our routine was like this yesterday:

7:15 - wake, nurse, solids
8:30 - put her down, but she didn't want to nap...fell asleep at 10:00
11:00 - wake, nurse, solids
12:00 - she was exhausted from missing most of her first nap and slept 3 hours
3:00 - wake, nurse
4:30 - nap
5:30 - wake, we had some things to do so we tried some puffs while I finished making dinner (she did ok, but I'm still not sure she's 100% ready)
6:00 - nurse, solids, bath
7:00 - bed

...AND, she slept all night to 7:30 this morning. I seriously thought she'd wake hungry in the night, but nope. Now we'll see if it was just a fluke incident from having her schedule thrown off at the zoo or if she's truly moving herself. What she did yesterday is actually the next step in Hogg's move to a 4 hour routine. I wonder if she will move to that, then slowly move to the ultimate goal? Time will tell.

Cherishing my Zooey tonight

How did I get so blessed to have such a sweet little baby, my Zooey? How is it that I was given such a precious gift? I look at her...she is such a source of immense joy for me. She is definitely one of the "perks" of this earthly life. I read a story today about a lady who had her sweet baby early this morning; he passed away this afternoon. I held my sweet Zooey and rocked her as she cried for an hour, completely missing her nap for whatever reason, and I cried. I cried for the poor woman who lost her sweet little boy, and instead of going home from the hospital with her bundle of joy, she will go home and plan his funeral. I cried for the sweet little baby, who although I know received pain meds and was surely on palative care, who I know received an outpouring of love in his sweet life, also knew a life of pain, of labored breathing. I cried tears of thanksgiving and from a cherishing heart for my little Zooey. I took on a whole new perspective of this time. I was thankful for the opportunity to hold her through these tears, thankful for the chance for time with her. That story just broke my heart and made me cherish what I've been given so much more. My prayers are with this sweet family, and my heart breaks for them. I don't understand why God allows what He does. I really don't...soooo many things I don't fully understand. But I can say for certain that He touched my heart and made me think about how fragile life is today and how my life, Zooey's life, Ryan's life are all in His hands. I can only imagine the impact this story made on many others, as well. Maybe He's even pointed someone to Him for the first time. And I know for certain that this sweet little baby is with Jesus now - perfect in form, probably being rocked in His arms, knowing perfect love and perfect peace. And although I don't understand it, what better life is that to have right from the start?

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

Do you remember that song from when you were little? I sing it to Zooey before her naps (we used to just do "Jesus Loves Me," but she started to cry the second she heard it and I thought that most inappropriate). :) haha. Anyway, I digress. I sing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" then it's "me and you and Daddy," "Grandma and Grandpa," "Aunt RaRa & Uncle Rey..." you get the picture. I was thinking today as I sang what a true, simple statement that is. As my mom began her treatment today, I cried several times throughout the day. I hate to think of her hooked up to poison and the radiation shooting into her body. I hate that she feels fine now, but that the side effects to lead to a hopeful cure can be so rough. I prayed all day that God would minimize those side effects for my sweet mom. And the tune "He's got MY mom" in His hands played over and over and over. I'm so thankful for that sweet children's song to get me through today. John tells us that no one can snatch us out of His hand when we are His. Grateful doesn't begin to express how I feel that nothing - no illness, no disease, no person, nothing - can snatch my mom out of His hand. I can't control her situation, but I'm so glad I have such a big God to entrust her to.

Sunrise

If I had the chance
To go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story

I would walk away
With my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken for beauty only

Every valley
Every bitter chill
Made me ready to climb back up the hill

And find that . . .
You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?
You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night,
You are sunrise

There's a moment when
Faith caves in
There's a time when every soul is certain God is gone

But every shadow is evidence of sun
And every tomorrow holds out hope for us
For every one of us
You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?
You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night,
You are sunrise

You alone will shine
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine

You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?
You're my horizon
You're the light of a new dawn
So thank You, thank You
That after the long night,
You are sunrise

You are sunrise

~Nichole Nordeman

SIX Months!!

I cannot believe Zooey is six months old! I look at pictures of her from when she was a newborn until now, and I can see her little personality come alive in the changes. She is so much fun, and the more I get to know her, the more I love her. She is amazing.

Zooey has five teeth, and another one is working it's way in - oh my! Fun for her when she gets to eat food, not always so fun for the nursing momma. She's still in a little bit of a "leap phase," and I don't think the sunshine period has quite hit, yet, but I'm waiting for it. Meanwhile, I can tell she's working on some new skills. She's really starting to enjoy her jumparoo; she's short (like her mom & dad), but her little toes are finally touching the ground and she manages to hop a little bit now. She really likes the toys on it and you can really see the look of concentration as she examines them, then tries to make them do what they're supposed to do. She also does this with the faucet at bathtime; she stares at the water and loves to try to grab it to no avail. She's talking more and has said "ma-ma," "uh-oh," "da-da," "la-la," "ah-goo" plus many, shrieks, squeals and silly noises. The words are pretty indiscriminate right now, but it's still fun to have a conversation. Zooey's beginning to cry more often when Ryan or I (mostly me) walk away from her, but even when she does, she stops pretty quickly as she becomes distracted. Zooey rolls from tummy to back all the time now - she won't even stay on her tummy if we put her on it! Yesterday, she rolled from her back to her side once, so I know the full turn is coming soon. She's now doing independent playtime twice per day, once for 15 min. and once for 20 min. We've started putting her bumbo chair in her playpen with a basket next to it. She likes to take all the toys out, nom on them with her mouth and throw them to the other side of the pen. It's very cute and just another way we can really see the wheels turning in that little brain. Zooey loves the cats! Whenever she sees one, she squeals and pumps her little arms and legs in excitement. She tries to pet them, but she usually just grabs their hair, so I kind of have to guide those little hands to be gentle. Zooey's also really starting to enjoy her books; she gets excited and talks to them when I read to her, and sometimes when we're done nursing and she sees one, it seems like she's trying to reach for it. She also loves dancing with me or Ryan and when we lift her high in the air for airplane; these two things are always a sure bet for laughter.

I feel a sense of complete, unadulterated pride when I see her doing each new task. To me, she is the smartest, most beautiful baby in the world. Biased, I know, but pure bliss! Being a mom is amazing, and I'm so incredibly thankful that God blessed me not only with Zooey but with this wonderful experience.

Before and Easter

I noticed that I look at pictures of my mom, and I think "before cancer." I then get very sad and think about how much better things were before we had this diagnosis hanging over our heads every minute of every day. I wonder if I will always think this way? I wonder if things will ever feel "normal" again without the gigantic fat elephant invading my brain and every family event and conversation. We were sitting around talking today, and we admitted that we were thinking "what if this is her last Easter?" I realize these thoughts are normal. I realize that as part of grief I will think these things for every major event this year and maybe next year. I realize that the emotion that comes with grief hits the hardest at certain times or seasons. It just sucks. I mean, there's really no better way to say it other than cancer sucks, and I hate it. Oh, and grief sucks, too.

My mom met with Dr. B. this week to discuss her treatment options. As we were informed by Dr. L. after her surgery, her cancer has a final staging of stage 2. Dr. B. explained once again how the sarcoidosis has made her lymph nodes super hard (Dr. L. told her he'd never seen anything like it), so they were unable to take the full lung out which is what they would normally try to do in a situation like hers where cancer was found in these lymph nodes and where some other mass was spotted. In the next three weeks, she is to eat a lot of protein and try to gain some weight. Sometime around April 19th, she will begin radiation treatment five days a week for 7 weeks, and on the first & last 6 days of that she will also undergo chemo. Here is where I stopped typing for a bit to gather my thoughts and emotions. My mom is...scared. I cannot imagine. I myself am scared to see her go through all that pain. Scared to see her ill and weak and unable to eat. I mean, who wants to see their mom - the one who nourished them from birth, the one who painstakingly cared for them when they were sick, the strong one, the one they still call up when they don't feel good or need advice - undergo such treatments? No one I know of. However, I know that the treatment beats not treating it. Stage 2 gives her a statistic of a 50-60% survival rate, which brings us all hope.

I went to a first birthday party yesterday. When the boy's mommy handed him off to someone else, he would start crying and looking for her. She had to reassure him she was there, either by rubbing his back or talking to him gently or holding him. That's how I feel. I feel like a one year old with separation anxiety who clings with all their might to their mommy, except in this case, the one I am clinging to is Jesus. He's the ONLY constant. I don't know what I would do without Him, and as I celebrated Easter this year and thought about all He endured and how He conquered death victoriously and rose from the dead, the thing that touched my heart and my soul the most was that Jesus walked in human flesh, so He gets it. He gets pain. He gets suffering. He gets temptation. And I am thankful beyond words that my Lord put on skin and died for me. Without Him, I would be completely lost; I would be nothing. In this and every situation, I wouldn't know where to turn. He is constant. He is Savior. He is my Comfort and my Friend. Praise be to God for His great sacrifice and the victory He alone could claim.

On another note, Zooey had great fun this Easter. She really likes going to church and being in the nursery; all the workers say she's a great baby and loves to watch the other babies. I bet she's thinking of how fun it will be when she can crawl around! We had a nice brunch at our house with my parents, sisters & their hubbies, my nieces and nephews and Grandma. Here are a couple of cute pic's of Miss Z from today.

Dropping the swaddle...notes for next time

We've decided to drop Zooey's swaddle. She's getting too big for it, and at 6 months I don't really think she needs it developmentally. I bought a couple summer sleep sacks, because it is SO HOT here in the summer, and her room is extra hot. Yesterday was day #1 with her 3rd nap. Today, after talking to a friend, I decided to start just swaddling her lower half (no arms) and move to the sleep sack after she's comfortable with that. Today's been rough. Lots of crying and waking early and more crying. She rubs her eyes and gets mad, I think. It's so weird, because she goes 12 hours at night with no swaddle and has always slept well at night without it (since 2 mos.). I guess she just got used to it during the day. She went down fairly easy for her 3rd nap; we'll see if she sleeps the normal length.

Updated 4.30.10
Zooey was a baby who needed to move slow for dropping the swaddle. We've decided to continue to swaddle her trunk until she can sleep with a blanket. As she grows, we may change to using just a sleep sack. If we do that, we will take the same process we did for dropping the swaddle. It took Zooey 3 weeks to completely drop the swaddle, because I read some good advice to go slow. Zooey had been napping with one arm out for awhile, so week one we did both arms out for her catnap. Week 2, we did her afternoon nap, and week 3 we did all 3 naps. She is sleeping well with no problems. I know some babies can drop it over a couple of days, but Zooey must be like her mommy and not like change. :)