Happy Thanksgiving!

Even before having Zooey, I am typically the first one up in our house on Ryan's and my days off. On Thanksgiving, I like to use this time to reflect on the past year and what I'm thankful for. First and foremost, I am always thankful for the Cross. That my Lord would become flesh for me always takes my breath away. I am thankful for the relationship that His sweet sacrifice enabled me to have. Thanksgiving for me is a good transition for Christmas, because it really gets me thinking about Jesus and all He gave up - willingly - for us. It kind of gets my heart in the right place.

This year it comes as no surprise that I am SOOO thankful for our beautiful baby girl. I'm thankful for her health. I'm thankful for such a good baby. I'm thankful that although I probably won't get the chance to post this until later, as of 7:36 as I type this, she's gone 5 hours since her last feed and we're on the way to full nighttime sleep! :) I praise God that I can stay home with sweet Zooey, making motherhood and being a wife my full-time job. Words cannot express how thankful I am that this lifelong dream of mine has come true.

I am always extremely thankful for Ryan. I remember sitting in my bathtub five years ago and praying for God to pick me a man to be my spouse - someone who would be godly, humble, strong, a leader, faithful, sweet and many other characteristics - and thinking my prayer may never be answered and trying to come to terms with it. Ryan is all the things I prayed for and more. God certainly did hand-pick him just for me; we are a perfect match made in Heaven. Do we fight? Yes. Do I ever get so mad I feel like shaving his eyebrows while he sleeps? Of course. Is it the hardest work I've ever done (even harder than being a new mom)? Absolutely! But marriage wasn't made to make us comfortable, it was made to stretch us and show us how much Christ loves the church. The longer I am married, the more I am stretched, the more I learn about Christ's love, and the deeper I love Ryan and love being married.

I am thankful for my family. I am so glad we get to be near them, especially now that we have a child. I thank God that He called my parents to the Lord and I was raised in a Christian home. Although I know He would've called me to Him some other time in my life if I wasn't, I'm so glad it was this way. I've gotten to walk with the Lord since I was 5 years old because my mom and dad taught me about Jesus! I am grateful for the help they've given since Zooey's been born. I'm grateful for the medical advice my NICU nurse sister's given me...even though I'm sure she sees hyper-paranoid parents all the time. :) I'm thankful that when Zooey's with them, as she grows, that they will share Jesus with her just as they did with me. I am so glad my dad's recovered from his heart attack and is healthy and well. I'm thankful for my sweet grandma who shares her home with us openly and without obligation. Family is awesome, and I'm glad my family are who they are.

I am also very grateful for good friends. Every time I've prayed for friends in my life, since I was in 1st grade and met a little girl named Natasha, God has answered with abundance. Sometimes these friends have been in my life for a season, and sometimes they're friends for longer. I am thankful for all of them. I've learned and grown from most of them, and each one has taught me something different about people and relationships. Having a baby is amazing, and I'm thankful for my friends who have been so sweet during this transition in my life.

Little things I'm thankful for:
...quick postpartum recovery
...what seems to have been another bout of mastitis coming on this week clearing up without antibiotics (praise God!)
...an almost complete Thanksgiving meal prepared and ready to heat
...an awesome, complication-free pregnancy - what a gift to carry life!
...a closer relationship with Sarah than I think I've ever had
...my BSF ladies and the opportunity to learn more about Christ's life in a country that doesn't persecute us for meeting and doing so
...Ryan's new job
...health protection that God has given us since Zooey's birth and even before
...kitties - so fun and bring so much laughter!
...a warm home and food to eat
...so much more that happens even daily that I lose sight of and forget to be thankful for!!

And look at that: it's 7:53, and Zooey still hasn't stirred - I'm thankful for that, too. :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

I'm quitting my job today!

Zooey is six weeks old this week. This is the week my paid maternity benefits end, the week I was hoping to let my employer know that I'm not coming back because I was hoping that TSA would've called Ryan by now. I honestly hoped I could've let them know sooner, because I didn't want to be dishonest or "milk the system."

Just when I started to really freak out...TSA CALLED RYAN YESTERDAY AND OFFERED HIM A JOB! He starts December 7th, although his official start date is the 6th, and his benefits will begin within 2 weeks after that. Praise the Lord! So, I am going to the bank today to turn in my notice. We are going to use COBRA insurance in the meantime. Does God always have perfect timing, or what?

4am Feedings

This morning at 4am as I was nursing and snuggling Zooey I got to thinking about how when I was little I loved to snuggle with my mom. I obviously don't remember being a baby, but I do remember being small and wishing to be around my mom a lot - and I loved her hugs. Now we hug when we need encouragement or at a holiday or birthday, but it's just not the same. We don't hug just to be close; I guess that these physical needs for closeness are now met by spouses. I haven't thought about that in a long time, and as I look back over my life, the time being small is such a blur. I have some sharp memories from being a child, but most of the memories are like every other memory, buried because it wasn't hugely significant. My friends tell me how much nursing your baby changes over the year. Babies go from being so small and needing so much help and focusing on the task, mom & baby relishing the bonding & closeness, to being distracted and knowing just what to do. The authors of books and articles all say that looking back on these early weeks and 3am feedings makes them wish they cherished that time, because it goes so fast. I am trying to cherish it. I know that 18 years from now when Zooey's off to college and I'm feeling nostaligic, I'll look back on these bleary-eyed encounters that were so sweet, just the two of us. And even now, I cherish it, because I know the food and the comfort are growing her into who she will be. Little by little, slowly yet very quickly, the snuggles Zooey & I share will grow farther apart. God is so good to give us little Zooey, and I am so thankful He's entrusted us to her. Being a mom is the sweetest, most amazing job He has ever dealt me. I pray that He will help me to cherish and savor each moment, not taking one for granted. I pray that He will help me to tell Zooey all about Him and show her all about Him through my actions. I pray that He will help me & Ryan to raise her in such a way that we will fully trust letting her go into the world someday. Although a part of me can't wait for Zooey to sleep through the night, I've come to realize that I can wait and even enjoy it with the right perspective. It will come soon enough.

Projectile Bodily Fluids

OK. I was naive before I had a baby. I thought, "Certainly my baby won't have projectile vomiting, poop or pee while we're trying to change her. She will never make a mess in her crib or of my clothes or anything else." I woke this morning to a fussy baby (those darn antibiotics I'm on upset her tummy, I think), and I could tell she needed to be changed. As a side note - it is so weird that I recognize her different cries. Yet another thing I didn't understand until I became a mom. Anyway, I'm changing her, and all of the sudden poop shoots out all over the wall. Fun times...second time this has happened, by the way. So, I finish cleaning her up, set her in her crib and proceed to pull the crib out from the wall and wipe it down with Clorox wipes for 10 minutes. After I feed her, she spits up in her crib getting it all over the sheets. Did I mention that last week she had an explosive diaper situation that ended up on my arm and my couch? Sigh. The weird thing is, just like people told me, I don't really mind it all that much. It's just part of the job, and cleaning up Zooey and everything else is just something that has to be done. For those who know me, hopefully this means I'll handle the projectile vomiting with as much ease, because just the idea of that still really freaks me out.

After I fed Zooey, I was changing her - again (that's all they do: eat, poop & sleep) - and I was talking to her, getting her ready for the day, and she flashed me a huge grin. It's like God gave babies these adorable grins to make all the poop-cleaning worth it. :)

One Month Update

(Written on 11/5/09)

Zooey is one month old today! As I sit here and think about what exactly to write in this update, my mind is blank, but my heart is so full. It seems like yesterday my water broke, and we were excitedly off to the hospital to meet Zooey. I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes holding my belly. At the same time, I cannot imagine my life without her in it. I can barely seem to remember life before she came, too, unless I sit down and really think about it. She just "fits" into our family in such a perfect way. I am so fully in love with her, and that love truly grows each day more and more. She has certainly captured our hearts.

Zooey seems to be hitting all the developmental milestones, just as she should be. My most favorite new development is that she smiles and will occasionally (very occasionally) smile in response to our smiles. It's fun to be able to interact with her like that. She seems most happy first thing in the morning and at night when Ryan comes home and scoops her into his arms. She's so strong, too! It amazes everyone how long she can hold her head up, how she can roll over by herself and how strong her little arms are when she's protesting something she's not too thrilled about. We're both becoming pro's at nursing now, and the teary-eyed days that were only a week and a half ago seem like they were a long time ago. I look at the pictures in the hospital, and she's already changed so much! She's bigger, her complexion is different, she's more alert. She & I have so much fun together; I can't wait until she can really interact - I'm sure that we'll do all sorts of fun things.

Being a parent has also made me think a lot about my own childhood and how thankful I am for Christian parents and for a mom who was blessed to be able to stay home with my sister & me. As the holidays are quickly approaching, I think back to all the fun stuff my mom did with us. We made cookies, Chex mix, ornaments, gifts...lots of fun crafts. But it wasn't just at the holidays; my mom had fun projects for us year-round, and I am excited to one day be able to have fun with Zooey like that. Being a parent is the best job I have ever had. It's also the hardest job, but it is so worth it. Ryan is an amazing dad, and when I see him with Zooey, I fall even more in love with him. He's just a natural, and he's so patient, both with me and with Zooey. Of course, I knew when I married him he'd fit into the role well. He's such a natural, maybe I'll just leave for the ages of 11-14. :) Just kidding.