My Heart, My Zooey

My mom used to cry on the first and last days of school. She used to joke when we were older that she cried tears of joy on the first day that she got a break, and on the last day that her break was over. :) Haha!

I get it now. I cried on Zooey's first day of school. I cried this morning, on her last day of school. I digitally flipped through pictures of her through the school year and saved one from each month. I watched in a span of minutes how her little face changed over the last ten months, how much taller she's gotten, how much more her hair looks like "big girl hair." I look at her artwork from August, which is mostly scribbles, to her artwork today, where she scribbles her name at the bottom and carefully constructs a tapestry of color and little tadpole people with hair, eyes, a smile and a story. I listen to my girl who was, at the beginning of the year, saying, "Me love you" and who is now reciting from memory all the nursery rhymes she's learned this year and singing Amazing Grace and songs from her end of the year school program. She has grown and changed so much physically! But she has also changed in every other way. She's come out of her shell with her peers, grown a sense of humor and a greater sense of her own identity. She has grown spiritually and more in love with Jesus. She has become more particular, or maybe just more verbal about the things she is particular about. She asks lots of questions in her quest for knowledge. She knows the alphabet and numbers, she has grown in her creativity and shows a huge interest in words and reading.

As I watched her walk into class today in classic Zooey-style, without looking back and only looking forward to the fun of the day, I watched my heart go into that class and was reminded that we're one day closer to the day she leaves my arms and my nest. This year was another that I am treasuring up in my heart and today was another sweet reminder from God of the gift He has given me in this sweet girl that I get to treasure every single day. Thank You Jesus for this school, for this year and for my sweet little Zooey.

The Best and the Worst of February

2/1 - Best: going to the car wash with Daddy
Worst: not having my flower dress (she is really bothered by this!)

Wow...it's the 10th! I had a rough start to February due to some family issues, but we'll get back on track. :)

2/9 - Best: playing hide and seek with you and Daddy, when you found me in the covers and tickled me
Worst:

2/10 - Best: when Daddy went to work so he can bring home the bacon :)
Worst: when you took my dolls away because I disobeyed

2/11 - Best: playing with Miss Sarah & Miss Lisa both of them! (at speech)
Worst: when I was mad because I didn't have any gum in my mouth

2/15 - Best: when I spent the night with RaRa

Worst: when you cleaned my ears

2/16 - Best: when you sleep with me in your bed

Worst: when you cleaned my ears

2/17 - Best: when I went to the zoo and speech with Miss Tanya

Worst: when you cleaned my ears

2/19 - Best: when I went to BSF

Worst: when you cleaned my ears

2/20 - when RaRa play with me

Worst: when I disobeyed and got in trouble

2/22 - Best: when I played outside

Worst: when Daddy made me stay in the garage

2/23 - Best: when I played hide and seek with you

2/24 - Best: when I played with Nathan
Worst: when I had a time out

2/25 - Best: when I played dress up at school with Taya
Worst: nothing; I just had a good day today

2/26 - Best: when I went to BSF

2/27 - Best: when I played on the bikes at school

2/28 - Best: when I took a nap at RaRas

*the last three days she said it was just a good day and no worst part :)

The Best and the Worst of January

So, I am not doing such a great job posting our everyday moments (oops haha!). I am taking more pictures, though. At least there's that. I also really want to record Zooey's best/worst parts of her day. It's something we've started talking about before bed each night, and it's become a favorite part of my day.

1/14 - Best: playing Ice Queen with you
Worst: when I didn't have anyone to play with when you weren't at school (She'd had a rough morning and asked me to stay at school) :(

1/15 -Best: playing Ice Queen with you and RaRa
Worst: when I cried (but she didn't remember about what, lol)

1/16 - Best: when Vance played with me at school

Worst: When I couldn't wear my flower petal gown) her flower girl dress which is now too small and I think is packed up)

1/19 - Best: going to church, best part: playing
Worst: When I don't have my flower petal gown (serious problem!)

1/20 - Best: playing monster with you (her monster puppet; her favorite was when the monster got a time out for biting)
Worst: when I didn't finish my dinner

1/21 - Best: playing in Snow White dress, pretty shoes & tiara at school and painting a sun catcher with you and painting for Vance
Worst: when I was mean to baby Tennyson after school (I honestly don't know what she's talking about...)

1/22 - Best: painting with ice cubes; throwing ice at BSF; playing outside at BSF
Worst: When I was mean to you; I'm sorry. (she meant when she disobeyed at the dinner table)

1/23 - Best: seeing Miss Tanya (speech therapist)

Worst: when I lost my flower petal gown

1/24 - Best: movie at museum and seeing dinosaurs and seeing my friend outside

Worst: Today was just a good day. I'm so happy! (Awwww!)

1/26 - Best: my bath

Worst: ?

1/31 - Best: playing with Miss Lisa at speech
Worst: when I didn't have my barbies (she lost them for disobeying)

Happy New Year!

Among other resolutions, I want to spend less time on time wasters and spend more time engaging with my family and capturing daily moments. One of these days I want to turn this blog into a book for my family, so I figured this would be a good place to start. Thanks to Beth for giving me this idea. :)

Zooey puts on her dress-up clothes as soon as she wakes up in the morning most days. Tennyson is constantly watching his big sister. 

1/2

Today wasn't the best day but it wasn't the worst. We did have a fun play date. Zooey's having some behavioral issues and I'm struggling with patience. Being out of our normal routine isn't helping. I also messed dinner up. But, those pre-bedtime snuggles made the day better. Zooey's a very loving girl with lots of joy and empathy. 

Today Zooey got gum stuck in her hair and was not a happy camper about the peanut butter we used to clean it out. 

Tennyson was super happy today and during tummy time was rocking back and  forth in his attempt to roll over. It was pretty cute. He seemed to be having fun!

November

November was a blur! Isn't it always? I also did a bad job taking notes this month, so I honestly don't remember a lot of what happened (haha!). I guess I'll tell you about what I do remember.

Zooey has her first crush, a little boy in her class at school. She talks about him all.the.time. She invited him over for a playdate and even wanted to dress up for him (where does she get this, because I do not talk about that?!)! She prays - prays, ya'll! - about marrying this boy. It is crazy how early this stuff starts...we're going to be in trouble!

She loves her little brother so much, and she said a couple cute things:
"Me so thankful you came out of my tummy"
"You stay with me all the time when you come out of mommy's tummy"
(the next day...) "Send Tennyson back to hospital, Mommy. Put him back in your tummy."
She is very caring for him, and she will tell him, "It's ok baby; don't cry...me here." It's adorable.

Another random cute thing she said this month was calling guacamole "cado-mole" (like for avocados). Cutest thing!

Zooey had her first performance at school, which was adorable! She wore a little turkey hat and sang with her class, then they had a luncheon. She was such a good girl and sat still with her class while they waited to go up, then she smiled and sang some of the words and did the hand motions. She was very excited that we went to watch her, and she kept looking for us in the audience and smiling at us. She LOVES school and her class and teachers. Many of conversations at home are about her friends and teachers, and she is surprising me with her new knowledge every day.

Her speech is improving by the week, and her SLP is amazed at her progress; she said she's doing great. She did another evaluation on Zooey and is now working solely on articulation instead of words. Zooey talks all the time and in full paragraphs, she's singing songs from school and BSF and she makes up stories as well as tells us about past and future events. She has come a long way since last spring, when we were still working on 3-4 word sentences.

Zooey also continues to go to OT for some sensory things, but I am so proud of her! She has begun to do her calming techniques all by herself when she feels stressed or overwhelmed, and her focus has greatly improved. She has gone from spending 2-3 minutes on an assigned task in September at OT to spending 10-15 minutes.

We spent Thanksgiving at Sarah and Rey's. It was one of the best Thanksgivings we have had in a long time. It was very relaxing and so nice to have all the family there, especially our two newest little additions. After dinner and naps we also watched a movie together. It was a fun day, and it was fun to see Zooey understand the tradition a little more this year. She kept talking about the Mayflower, which she had learned at school. She was also singing her turkey song that she learned at school, which was cute.

One of the reasons November was so crazy was that God called me back to leadership at BSF. I was honestly thinking I wouldn't return until December, or maybe even after the holidays, but when He calls, His timing doesn't always match our own ideas and certainly doesn't usually leave us in our comfort zone. He made it very clear to me by laying it on my heart, then through the notes one week, a conversation the next and the lecture and notes that same week.  I have to admit, I was a little worried about it, because it is a big time commitment and Tennyson is still so little. He is so good to confirm, again and again (when we may feel like we don't have what it takes, or during a crazy busy season!) His call on our lives. What a sweet blessing it has been to be with those little ones! And what an amazing reminder week by week of how faithful God is to enable and equip us, giving us energy, ideas, enthusiasm & patience to answer His call. And my worries have been taken care of - I am able to nurse Tennyson when I need to, because I'm right next door to him on class day (so special!). I love to see these little toddlers babbling in song to Jesus or saying "Jesus," "Bible" and "Amen." What a sweet gift they are to me and an example of precious faith.

So, yes...November was a blur, but I'm so thankful that God doesn't give us more than we can handle and that He gives us the strength and wisdom to face what He does give us. He is teaching me more and more how to live in the moment and cherish my children, and He is giving me new ways to pray for them, which is so cool! What a privilege it is to be a parent and be able to pray over our kids' lives.

Love these snuggles!

Fun (rare) snow day in the park

Tennyson's first snow



Singing at school

My little turkey

She still loves to pick up leaves and throw them

My camera died, so this was the only one I got of her on Thanksgiving, drinking her sparkling juice out of a big girl glass

Cutest little guy ever - so thankful for my two littles!

10 weeks

How Far Along: 10 weeks

Size of baby: kumquat

Sleep: Good, thanks to the Unisom the doctor said to take for the morning sickness

Total Weight Gain: +3.9

Symptoms: belly's getting bigger sooner this time than with Zooey; morning sickness (worst in evenings, just like with Zooey); headaches; some round ligament pain; exhaustion

Movement: Although baby is stretching, doing somersaults and rolls, it's still too soon to feel it.

Maternity Clothes: pants & belly bands

Go-to eats: lemonade

Best moment of the week: I don't know why, but 10 weeks feels like an accomplishment of some sort. Perhaps because most of baby's critical development is complete.

Gender: Who knows but God :)

What I wish people knew: That I'm sorry if I seem so disconnected or seem like a bad friend. I just get so tired sometimes I can't focus. I wish I could tell my sweet Zooey a definite time I'd be feeling better and that she could understand that it breaks my heart when I can't play with her like I used to when I feel so sick. Thankfully, she's a very sweet girl who says, "It's ok Mommy. Feel better."

What I’m looking forward to: The end of morning sickness, the second trimester, movement, hearing the heartbeat on the doppler (hopefully before or at my next appointment on 3/1)

Milestones: The most critical portion of Baby's development is complete.

I am finding it harder to bond early with this baby than I did with Zooey. I am still praying for the baby and want him/her to develop well and am at times very excited for him/her to join our family, it's just harder to bond. I don't know why? Maybe because the morning sickness is so much worse than it was with my first pregnancy, maybe it's because Zooey keeps me so busy, I don't know. I'm praying that God helps me bond with the baby and grows him/her to be strong, healthy and smart. I have a feeling that once I first feel those movements, the bond will grow.

Zooey has started putting her Little People in her shirt and saying there's a baby in her tummy but they're too small to come out. :) I think she gets more than we even think she does. She's so cute! The other day, she was praying, "Thank You God, Mommy, Daddy. Thank You God baby mommy's tummy." She pats my belly and says, "It's ok, baby," and "No throw up, feel better Mommy." I think she's going to be a great, loving big sister. She's very nourturing and empathetic.

Elf on the Shelf

Today we brought home Zooey's elf. She is a girl, and Zooey named her Chocolate (love my girl!). I told her to hide the skirt for Chocolate to find and put on before she goes to see Santa tonight, and she'd be wearing the skirt tomorrow when she comes back. Zooey wanted to hold the skirt and kind of got mad about having to let it go, but then I "hid" it on the tree, which she thought was funny.

Tomorrow we start the Elf on the Shelf tradition. As I mentioned in the Santa post, I don't really like the idea of using the Elf or Santa to try to get good behavior out of Zooey. I know many parents do that, and if you're one of them, that's fine. We've just decided not to do that (for several reasons, but the simplest one? What would we "use" for behavior once Christmas was over? Threats? I already feel like I bribe my kid enough with gum for good behavior). I want Chocolate to be a silly little thing for Zooey to find every morning during the Christmas season who brings her giggles and joy. I want her to remember laughing and thinking it was fun.

This year we're starting Elf a little late; next year I'd like to start December 1. That being said, this year I don't have to sustain creativity for as long, so I'm going to have Chocolate bring a fun Christmas craft for Zooey to do each day.

Day 1

Lingering for Lights

I normally rush Zooey in and out of the house. Tonight, I was about to try to hurry her in, when I saw her crouching down just staring at one of our snowman lights. It hit me: this pure and childlike fascination with lights isn't going to be here forever. Next year, she might get bored after a week and rush right into or out of the house. So, I paused. I watched. Sheer joy! I pray I can hold onto these little moments forever in my heart's photo album.

Two minutes later I told her it was time to come inside; she yelled "no!" and took out two of my little snowmen trying to run away from me. But the five minutes I let her linger were wonderful!

Get Cookie Monster Out!

A conversation between me and Zooey:

 Z: Potty AFTER bath!!!!
Me: yes, then what do we do?
Z: brush teeth
Me: yup then what?
Z: brush brush brush brush!
Me: yes, we brush then what?
Z: Get Cookie Monster out!!

She means the cavity monsters. Lol - I have to be entertaining when brushing her teeth so she doesn't break my eardrums with ear splitting screams.

Halloween

We didn't get to celebrate Halloween on the actual day because we got stranded in DC, so I put Zooey's cupcake costume on her after we got home and she got candy from RaRa and Rey. She had a lot of fun and asked for "more chocolate" for days. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but she is obsessed with chocolate. She was super cute in her costume, too!

Zooey's Progress

Today Zooey had her six month review for speech therapy. I am so proud of her! It's been hard to tell, in the middle of it, to see the full range of progress that Zooey's been making. I can tell she's been saying lots of new words, but today it was really clear how well she's been doing. Zooey met all of her initial goals! She communicates with words when she wants and what she wants to eat with words, she asks for toys by name, even when they're in the other room. She can jump now. She's mostly intelligible to me and Ryan; people who watch her a lot are understanding her more. Our goals until her third birthday include being intellible to primary and secondary caretakers, using more two-word phrases and using specific words to describe activities she's done (rather than just say "play" for example). I noticed and discussed some progress Zooey's had in just the last week. She's hit some huge language milestones in the last week. She started speaking using jargon and does it a lot, she blows bubbles, kisses with a pucker and used more two and even one 4 word phrase that included verbs. Yay Zooey! I am totally praising God for this progress! I pray over this all the time, and I am so thankful to see all her progress.

Hannah

This morning I read the story of Hannah, a story I haven't read in a long time. It's found in 1 Samuel 1-2. Background: Hannah's hubby, Elkanah also has another wife, Peninnah. Peninnah had kids, but Hannah had none, even though she wanted them desperately. It is noted that Elksnah "loved" Hannah (not noted about Peninnah) and he brought Hannah double portions of meat. Peninnah would provoke Hannah to the point of tears and loss of appetite. I can only imagine what she said to Hannah; my guess is is had something to do with how she had children and Hannah didn't. Hannah cried out to God in her anguish and told Him that if she ever had a child, she would dedicate him to the Lord. The priest thought she was drunk because he could see on her face how heartfelt her prayer was. So, Hannah and Elkanah go on their way, and v20 says, "in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, 'Because I asked the Lord for him.'" Hannah didn't go up to Shiloh to make the annual offering with Elkanah, but said she would go later once the child was weaned. My footnote says it was common in that part of the world to nurse a child to the age of three or longer because their was no to keep the milk sweet. Hannah weans Samuel, takes him to the priest (Eli, the one who saw her praying) and dedicates Samuel to the service of the Lord. "So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life, he will be given over to the Lord. And he worshiped the Lord there." (v28) Hannah then prays a beautiful prayer in ch. 2 of thanksgiving and praise to God. Here's the part that really stood out to me: Hannah gave this long-awaited child to the Lord. She literally left him with Eli to help him with his priestly duties and to be trained up in the Lord. A 3 (or 4? Or 5?) year old. Wow. It's so hard for me to imagine that. Here's the thing, though: Hannah's joy was not in the child but in the Lord who answered her prayer. She knew Samuel belonged to the Lord, that he was a gift on loan to her from God. She dedicated her son fully to the cause of the Lord without any hesitation because she was overjoyed at what the Lord can do. I have to be honest, I think I'd be holding on pretty tight. But the fact is, Zooey too is God's kid on loan to me. I am responsible for training her up in the way she should go and then letting her go to do God's work. Even now, He is working in her heart. Even before she was born, He had something in mind for her to do with her life that will glorify Him. Although it is hard, I am called to entrust her to Him 100%, because He loves her and dreams bigger for her than I ever could. My prayer is that God will help me to raise her in Him and to let her go when it's time.

Having a Two Year Old is Awesome!

I spent the morning at a local indoor play place for kids that's becoming a favorite of ours. It really struck me through conversation with a friend how much I love the age Zooey is at right now. It is such a fun age! Her imagination is really picking up, as is her attention span. Where as she used to spend time playing with one toy, then another and another and another all without any real focus, she will now actually pretend-play. We spent a good five minutes making "sandwiches" and another ten with her "feeding me" cookies dipped in chocolate sauce & peanut butter (even in pretend play, my kid knows what's up when it comes to food!). She also loved to sit and flip through a look & find book with me and even spent some time coloring on a chalk board with her little friend, Sybella. She took a stuffed bear up the ladder on the slide and pushed it down, laughing the whole time, before she herself went down. She "drove" a school bus for a good chunk of time. It just really is a fun age. Today was one of those days I wish I could bottle up and take out later to bask in. That's why I took a lot of pictures! To finish up our morning, we went to Chick-fil-A, where I had promised I get her an ice cream. As we shared our "girl's lunch," the sun was bouncing off Zooey's hair, and she smiled and carried on quite the conversation with me about her love of ketchup, and I realized again how incredibly blessed I am to be this little girl's mommy.

Growing Up...A Mother's Heart

Zooey's been potty-training the last two and a half weeks. She's doing very well and is now in panties except for nights and naps, soon only nights. Another big change is coming, too - we're going to convert her crib to a "big girl bed." While we thought we'd wait, it occurred to us that we have a trip coming up in February, & she's simply too big for the pack n' play now. We'd like her to adjust to a bed before our trip.

Oh my, how my baby girl is growing up. My mother's heart swells with pride and reluctance at this. Do I miss the 2am feedings? No, but as my girl grows more independent with every passing day, I sure miss the bliss of her snuggling up on my chest and falling asleep. Do I miss hauling a baby carrier around everywhere? Not really, but I'm sure I'll always wish I could strap her in or cover her up against people I don't think she should be around or the elements of life. I beam in joy at all her accomplishments, at her pride over all the things she's learning to do on her own, but I wince at the pain that sometimes comes with the learning curve and wish I could somehow shelter her from that part. Of all the frustrations we moms face in toddlerhood, how often do we stop and reflect on what a sweet, short time it is?

I can't help but wish I could ask my own mom what it felt like for her to move through these milestones at what feels like light speed...did she stop with the same bittersweet pauses? Were her tears mingled with the same pride and nostalgia? Knowing her, I'm sure they were. I wonder if Zooey will grow up as I have and sometimes reminisce and wish she could go back to being little like I do, to snuggle on with my mom with no greater care than what book to choose for story time.

Growing is hard to watch and hard to do, but necessary. It involves letting go, something is humans are generally not too find of. Hopefully I can do it in a God-honoring way and cherish every second as I watch.

Maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic, because my baby is almost TWO, but today's one of those days I have taken many mental snapshots and hope to remember until I'm old and gray. I ran to the park with Zooey and watched her climb the steps and go down the slide. I watched as she held hands with a little five-ish year old girl and gave her and several other kiddos a hug with a giant smile. She's such a loving girl. On the way home, I pointed out the leaves turning yellow and the fresh fall air, and she kept pointing at the "ree's" on our walk. She kept looking up at me through the mesh on the stroller, smiling and yawning, and I realized how beautiful she is for about the millionth time. At home, I watched and listened as she ate her lunch with intense concentration, "Mmmmm"-ing with each bite, especially her raspberries, because my girl loves her fruit. As we did a small craft after lunch, I smiled at her uncontrollable joy over using the glue stick and sticking feathers and tissue paper on a paper plate. She bounced up and down and squealed when she got to pick out new feathers. She walked around in her little art smock that no longer goes down past her knees, and I saw how much she's growing up. We snuggled on the couch, and I got to hear her say starfish as we read one of her favorite books, "Have You Ever Tickled a Tiger?," which was a gift from my mom. And, when the timer went off, she gleefully squealed again, looked at the timer and went to her room for some more pre-nap snuggles. My Zooey is such a joy to me; I pray I cherish days like today and get a whole lot more of them. The joy in her little smile over something like a glue stick is so contagious...I'm incredibly thankful she's my daughter. She inspires me to find more joy in the little things. It's been such a wonderful day - what a sweet blessing!

Little things to love

~Zooey grabbing my hand to pull me anywhere

~Zooey taking all the alphabet magnets off the fridge & stacking them on the chairs - and running around the kitchen in circles, laughing hysterically

~Zooey trying to grab RaRa's hand to pull her to the restaurant's kitchen this morning at breakfast and telling the waitress all about how hungry she was

~Sleepy toddler snuggles

~Sleepy cat snuggles

~Strawberry Mentos

~"Carried Away" by B&B Works

~A quiet moment alone just to surf the Net

~Sneaking in to cover Zooey and still smelling her J&J Bedtime Lotion~bliss!

~That she slept until 9:00...so did I!

~A giant hug from the hub when he got home

When I started this blog, it was a secret one...I journaled about the fears & worries of my first trimester with Zooey before we made the pregnancy public. I had no idea it would be such an outlet or that I'd be journaling about my mom battling cancer & dying. I've always been a journaler, and although it's sometimes tough to write about things publicly, I'm glad I have, because I wouldn't have received so much of the encouragement that I've gotten had I continued to keep it a secret. Thank you for that.

Seven years ago I did counseling to deal with grief in another season of my life. I feel I have a lot of "head knowledge" about the grieving process and all the steps; however, nothing quite prepares you for actually feeling it. It's fine in theory to try to compartmentalize your grief and to cry for 15 minutes a few set times a day, but what about when you need to cry because it hits you when you're out to dinner with the whole family that there's an emptiness of someone not being there? Or when I give my baby a bath and remember the last time my mom was able to do that? Or when I want to ask my mom to pray for Zooey for something then remember she's not there? I'm not saying the information isn't helpful, it is, but just like I thought the diagnosis would somehow help prepare me for the loss, it didn't prepare me for anything. One cannot be prepared for the loss of someone so close. I certainly wasn't prepared that Zooey would notice as much as she has.

I so wish I could shield Zooey from all this! From the stress and sadness she must feel around her. Tonight I stopped by my mom's house (I can't stop calling it that...) to pick up some food. Zooey recognized where we were, pointed toward my mom's window and started whining for her grandma. I know she's more aware of this loss than any of us probably realize, and it just breaks my heart. I wish I could somehow wrap her in a giant bubble of joy and let her out when this season is over, but unfortunately, we can't do that. And you know what I am realizing? God loves us so much more than we love our children - so much that He sent His Son to die for us - and yet He doesn't shield us from disappointment and immense pain. He tells us He's here for us, wraps us in His arms, holds us close, comforts us with His Word and lets us cry; He feels our pain. I will, therefore, follow His example and hold my little girl up and let her cry and cry with her. I will keep my mom's memory alive and tell Zooey how much my mom loved her. I will show her tons of pictures and pass along lessons my mom taught me, especially the ones about Jesus. I will seek God's help as my Father to teach me how to be an excellent mother to Zooey through this, and because it's His desire, I know He will be faithful to answer my prayer.

Glimpses of Heaven

I am extra thankful these days for little random blessings. Things like Zooey somehow reaching her wipes when she should've been napping yesterday, hearing her laughing up a storm and going in to find all the wipes in her crib and her shorts soaking wet. She thought that was quite fun! Or today, when I took my first-ever nap with her all cuddled up against me...this is something I never thought I'd do, but when you have a teething toddler and you're totally exhausted, it just kind of happens. Watching my little girl play in the yard with Sarah's dogs today was a nice reprieve. Having Ryan here today was awesome and added a sense of normalcy to my life. I feel overwhelmingly blessed by the prayer support of those who know me, my mom and my family...Sarah and I were talking today, and that we know of at least 80 people who are praying for us - wow, God is amazing. Our whole family is blessed by the meals brought to us and the offers to watch Zooey. Thank you!

Yesterday she saw someone out the window that we couldn't see and then asked us how the others get on. Last night I was in with my mom, laying my head at the foot of her bed after giving her her medication and talking to her for a little while. She woke up, but she didn't look at me. She was looking up and nodding, saying, "OK." She said, "Help me," then reached up and hugged someone; she said, "OK" and nodded again. We believe this is God at work answering the prayers to be present with my mom to give her peace. I can literally feel a sense of peace when I walk in her room, even when it's an upsetting moment. I can tell the Lord is present, and it is here, sitting quietly by her bed, that I am prompted to pray, to worship and to read His Word. Thank you for your prayers, and thank You, Jesus, for giving us these glimpses of You and strengthening our faith.

Her nausea is staying away, thank God. She is still swallowing and still waking up to talk to us for bits of time. We were told today that she may be in an unresponsive/comatose state by the weekend...of course, only God knows His real timing, but it is so sad that we are getting so close. She fell today trying to get up to go to the bathroom by herself. It was pretty scary; the Hospice nurse was here, thankfully, and she is going to get us an alarm system to put on the bed. Please pray that this would completely eliminate her falling (this is the 2nd time it's happened) and that we would hear her and attend to her quickly, even if we're sleeping. Please pray for my sister, Sarah, to be able to sleep. Pray that God would hold us, especially my poor, sweet dad in His arms. He is just at a complete loss...it breaks my heart.

Thank you so much for being the hands and feet of Jesus to us.

An Early Birthday Celebration

Tonight was a special night, because tonight we celebrated Zooey's birthday a little early (lucky girl gets 2 birthday parties for her 2nd year...not a precedent for years to come! :)). I have really been grieving the loss of a grandma for Zooey and have been upset over the fact that my mom will most likely not be here for Zooey's birthday in October, so someone suggested having an early birthday party with my mom. Wow! Such a good idea! This idea brought tears to my eyes, and I immediately told my mom about it. My mom was very excited, and I think she might've been thinking about missing Zooey's birthday, too. It was such a blessing to have a small get-together tonight with our immediate family to celebrate Zooey's life with my mom present.

One of the things I love most about my mom is what a wonderful grandma she is. The joy and love that pour out of her for my sweet girl just astound me. Every time Zooey did something cute tonight, from devouring her pizza, to coyly pulling out the tissue paper from her gift bags, to savoring her cake, my mom lit up. I was so glad she got to experience this, as it is always so evident that Zooey brings such joy to her heart. I am so thankful for the idea and thankful we got to do this. We took a ton of pictures, some of which are in a slideshow below, and I will cherish tonight forever.

I will tell my little girl about how much her family loves her, that her grandma loves her & she loves her grandma so much! I will show her these pictures and the joy on my mom's face tonight. I will remember going shopping and how I got to spend that time with my mom picking out the perfect doll and how I went over to show her the decorations that Zooey picked out and how her grandma was so excited to have a party for her, to celebrate her. Tonight was special indeed; I feel very blessed that God gave our family this sweet time.