If you were to look up the word lazy in the dictionary you'd see my picture

Remember last week? How I kicked butt with the workouts? This week was a whole different story. Me thinks someone got a little too cocky. Here's what we have:

Sun: ran 2/2's 7x on treadmill. felt really good.
Tues: ran 2/2's 7x outside. felt good/sore next day. thought for sure I was on the way to 4/2's.

Until...

I got really lazy and sat on my butt when I should've been working out. I've been using a sore knee as an excuse, but let's get real here: it doesn't hurt that bad. Oh yeah, and I could've at least gotten off my fanny and gone to get new running shoes. But nope.

Next week will be better.

Tests...

My mom will be sent for more tests this week - a PET scan on Monday morning at 7:30 and a biopsy on Wednesday morning (she checks into the hospital at 6:00). The specialist she met seemed pretty positive. It could be as simple as a viral infection or as complex as...cancer. These tests will show what it is for sure, then the doctor can come up with a treatment plan for whatever is wrong. I just continue with my prayers that there will be quick diagnosis and quick, effective treatment. I'm also praying that she will know what is wrong soon - like by next Friday if at all possible.

It's funny how I always try to control the little things but I never try to control the big things. I know there's nothing I can do about this. It's all in God's hands. God has handled SO MUCH in my life and in the lives of the believers I know that there is this inherent trust He built into my heart. Don't get me wrong, this is not my own will trusting God, but I know it is the faith He has given me. It's not that I'm not feeling anything, it's just that He's given me the faith to get past my emotions and move onto trusting and relying on Him.

He is my ROCK.
He is JUST.
He is INFINITE in His knowledge of this situation.
He is LOVE.
He is the true source of JOY. of PEACE.
He is IN CONTROL.
He is THE GREAT PHYSICIAN.
He is MAGNIFICENT.
He is the LIFE GIVER.

Any One who would die willingly, who would give His Son on the Cross for me and for my family is trustworthy beyond all measure.

1 Peter 5:7

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

My mom went to meet her new doctor last week, and she mentioned something she thought was silly - that she coughs a lot sometimes unexpectedly, like when she laughs. The Dr. did a chest X-ray and saw a spot on her left lung, so she sent my mom to get a CT scan on Monday. She got the results today; it's a lesion, and she now needs to go see a pulmonary specialist tomorrow to discuss tests to find out exactly what it is. I am worried. I know this could be many, many different things, and if this is cancer it's probably small enough and caught early enough that it can be treated. But I'm still scared. This is when faith must take action. This is when I must trust my Lord. My mom is His child, and she belongs to Him. Because of this, I know I can trust Him with the results - no matter what they are. I pray for peace for her and for us in the time we wait for results. I pray for the doctors who will see her and that they will have a clear and concise diagnosis with good treatment options if necessary.

A lady at BSF gave a beautiful picture of faith in action last weekend. When I heard it, the Lord registered in my brain as something I need to always remember. She said: when we leave our requests at Jesus' feet, we then need to climb onto His lap an look in His eyes, because when we're looking in His eyes, we can't see all that we've laid at His feet.

Lord, I lay my mom at your feet tonight. I pray for peace and for quick diagnosis and if need be successful treatment. I trust you to handle this as you have handled so many things in my life and her life before. I cast my anxiety about this situation upon you, because you care for me.

Holy Developmental Leap, Batman!

I love to read others' parenting stories and adventures on the interwebs, and I also enjoy following certain blogs. I have found much good advice, funny anecdotes and relatable stories. About a month ago I purchased a book which I had read several mommies rave about, and of course, I love to read and gain as much good wisdome as I can. It's called "The Wonder Weeks: Eight predictable, age-linked leaps in your babies development characterized by the three C's (Crying, Cranky, Clingy), a change...and the new development of skills." I bought the book after Zooey had already gone through two leaps, the first "wonder weeks," at ages 5 and 8 weeks, and I wish I had purchased it sooner. Looking back at those ages, she was super fussy, and there were times nothing seemed to comfort her. I ended up carrying her around or wearing her in the Moby to get her to calm or nap many days. I just chalked it up to gas or to a growth spurt or the witching hour. I'm glad I have it for this leap, labeled in the book as the longest leap, sometimes lasting up to 6 weeks! I don't think her leap will last that long, but it's starting, and thanks to this book I have understanding of why she's being more fussy and what's going on in that little brain of hers. For most babies, this leap starts around 14-16 weeks and lasts through their 19th week. Zooey turned 16 weeks old on Monday. Starting Sunday night, she's been fussy and crying when I put her down for bedtime - she never does this (well, at home anyway). She's also been less interested in eating the last few days, instead prefering to stop and smile or look around. When I put her down for her independent playtime, she squaks madly or whines until I come pick her up. She stops and just stares into space or looks at something; she isn't smiling or laughing as much, it's as if she's just simply taking everything in and pondering over it. This would also probably explain the obsession with her hands. I think one of the new skills she's trying to master is bringing objects to her mouth (including getting her finger/thumb). She's started to do really well during tummy time, pushing herself up and holding herself up, looking around for quite awhile. She'll go from being smiley to crying and back again. All these things, the book explains, are signs of a major developmental leap. Zooey is learning new skills: physical, vocal, cognitive. By the end of this "leap" she will notice transitions in her day more, her movements will be more fluid, her babbling more organized. It's really pretty amazing all the changes that will take place. I am finding that the knowledge of these leaps is making it easier for me to "deal" (for lack of a better word) with her fussiness and cliginess. I understand this time what's going on that is making her fuss like this, and thanks to the suggestions in the book, I have a better idea of how to comfort her and also encourage her newfound skills and knowlege to blossom. I'm less uptight about her crying and am more empathetic. I am really trying to put myself in her shoes. I imagine what her brain is going through is similar to studying new information all day in class and getting brain overload. This makes people crabby! Or if I had to learn a new skill, like when I rode my bike in clipless pedals and kept falling over - it was tough and very frustrating. But once the learning ends, we have the knowledge and have good control over the skill, we are much happier people. The next few weeks will probably be rough, but then Zooey will be more confident and be her bright, sunshine-y self once again.

First workout week was rockin'!

Ok. I couldn't think of a better adjective than "rockin'," but I did manage to workout 4x this week - woohoo for me! I think I even have a good idea of where to fit it in my schedule each day. Plus, I'm super excited, because my dad offered to take me to his gym with his guest pass and I'd love to do a spin class or something. Going to keep track on my blog/journal/log, so I can keep stay motivated and hopefully stay on track to train for the tri in June. I'll need to start training in March for that and am hoping to be up to running at least 30 min. by then.

Mon-ran 2/2's 6x (ran w/orthotics; l. knee pain and shin pain-shoes??)
Tues-rode trainer, wu 10 min./hard 25 min.
Wed-rest
Thur-ran 2/2's 6x (ran w/o orthotics; ankle pain. Need new shoes.)
Fri-rode trainer, wu 10 min/hard 25 min.

Going to attempt baby yoga tomorrow...but I'm feeling good so far. Minimal soreness and feeling great mentally. Proud of myself for meeting my small workout goal this week. Same goal for next week with same workouts. If I feel good, then in 2 weeks I'll up my run to 4/2's and my bike to 40 min. Unless I join Dad's gym, not planning on swimming until March or April

Hands!!

Zooey is really obsessed with her hands. I wake her up from nap – she shoves her hands in her mouth. I try to feed her – she shoves her hands in her mouth. I lay her down on her play mat with her links, and she throws the links aside (which she normally loves to cram in her mouth), and – you guessed it – shoves her hands in her mouth. She also has a new trick, which is oh-so-cute where she grabs one hand with the other to help assist placing the hand in her mouth. The girl is definitely going to be a thumb-sucker (or finger sucker). She doesn’t really care for the binky, except on the rare occasion she is real upset. Most of the time it just gags her. Anyway, it’s quite cute to see her play with and chew on her little hands all day; life is most fascinating for a little baby.

TIME TO GET ON THE BALL!!

OK. 2009 I was pregnant and under orders not to exercise too hard; I had the baby...3rd degree tear...prolapse...enter 2010. I'm all better and ready to go! Except for that part of my brain that is not ready to go and has been superbly lazy since I've had that cute little babe. Especially since Ryan is home more - it's a blessing and an abundant answer to prayer, don't get me wrong, but I am WAY lazier when I can spend time vegging out with him all day. I'm itching to run. I am dying to ride my trainer. Then why, someone please tell me, WHY can't I get off my butt and do it?! Perhaps it has something to do with the wee little baby whom I adore needing to be fed, etc... That's really not an excuse, considering the time of day when I keep telling myself to workout is when she's in the middle of a 2 hour nap and daddy's in the next room to attend to her should she fuss. SO. This week, I'm going to find my bike pump so I can ride my trainer. I'm going to get my new running shoes. And I'm going to start working out. I promise. And even if it's just a 30 minute walk with Zooey, I'm going to do something at least 4 times this week. I'll let you know how it goes.

Dropping the Dreamfeed....

I suspect that we will soon be dropping the "dreamfeed," or the late evening feeding. We used to do this at 11:00, then at 10:30, then at 10:00...about 2 weeks ago I moved it to 9:45. She's been sleeping from this feed until at least 6:30 (usually 7:00) for about 3 weeks now. Before Ryan started at TSA and had to get up before the crack of dawn, he did the dreamfeed. I've been doing it since then. I used to hate the dreamfeed, because I used to pump afterwards. Once I was doing it every night, I stopped pumping pretty quickly! Too much of a pain. :) Anyways, we got into a couple of arguments about the dreamfeed, actually. I liked being able to go to sleep when Ryan went in for it; it gave me an extra half hour or so (I know - big deal, right?). I was dreading doing this last feed, because it meant I had to stay up for it and yada yada yada. Tonight I moved it back to 9:35, and I was surprised to feel a little bit of emotion welling up inside. I have come to love the dreamfeed. It's one of my favorite times of day with my sweet little Zooey. She's all snuggly and warm, and she's pretty much asleep and just so very adorable when she's eating. When she's done, I cuddle her to myself for a bit before putting her back in her crib, and she makes those little baby sighs and squeals against my ear, breathing contentedly against me. I will miss these moments. Soon Zooey will not be nursing quickly enough - she'll want to look around and move around. Soon she will be crawling and walking, exploring everything she can in her little world, and our snuggles will become fewer. Moms I know told me, "Cherish this! It goes so fast! You won't believe how fast it goes!" I thought I knew how quickly time goes. I had no concept of this until I had Zooey. She's 15 weeks old tomorrow! So crazy how fast time goes. And although I so look forward to each and every milestone she's going to face, all the exciting "firsts" she will experience and teaching her things and doing so much with her, as each phase passes, I'm struck with how she's moving forward, and sometimes I wish I could slow time down a bit or freeze it for a bit. So once again, I looked down at my precious little girl, and I pray that the Lord will help me to cherish each moment with her. And that He'll help me through the transitions as tough as some may be (even when it's just a "little tough") in a way that will glorify Him and grow Zooey into a healthy, Godly woman.

I love...

I love how much fuller life is with a child. I had to leave BSF early today to pick up Zooey; they were having a fellowship, so I went back to let people visit with Zooey. One lady put it perfectly in saying something like you have no clue how much you'll love your child until you have one. No clue how you'll look at them and feel like you could just stare and stare for hours and be so in love. No clue how all the instincts kick in. Life is just so full! I can't explain it other than that. Full of joy, love, fun...and so much more. Yesterday we had a fun playtime with Daddy; he always holds Zooey up in his big arms and helps her "walk," which she loves. He was snuggling with her and playing with her. Awesome. For one of her naps, he went in to get her, and she saw him and just totally lit up - smiled and kicked her legs, and my heart melted. I love watching my family! I love seeing toys in the corner and peeking in on her before I go to bed, seeing her in blissful baby sleep. I sound like a big gushball, but I just love being a mom. And I love my little Zooey.

Zooey is 3 months old!

My sweet girl is three months old! My, how fast time flies! I was thinking about work, and how there were times when I felt a quarter of the year would just draaaaggg on. Zooey's first quarter of life has flown by!

I can really see why people say that babies get a lot more fun at three months old. I've always thought Zooey was a ton of fun, of course, but her personality is really starting to shine. One of my favorite times of day is when Zooey first wakes up. I can hear her in there cooing and laughing at herself, and it just brings a smile to my face. When I go in to get her, she lights up and starts pumping those little arms and legs and usually gives me a happy smile. It just makes my heart burst in joy! She then eats, and this is probably my favorite feed of the day - even though I'm bleary-eyed and haven't had my coffee - because it's just us. The house is quiet, and she cuddles up against me and it's just so nice to have that time together. Then we usually have some chit-chat time, where we might play with a rattle or something but keep things pretty mellow. I've actually begun to read my "Baby's First Year" book/journal to her; it tells me about her development, and I also read my "Jesus is Calling" devotional to her. I know she doesn't understand what I'm saying, but I've read their little brains are storing up words and tones for later on. She gets so excited when I read to her! She kicks her legs, breaks out in smile and coos words back at me. I just love this time of day with her.

Zooey's newest skills are grasping a rattle and holding it with both hands and bringing it to her mouth, batting at objects, smiling at toys/familiar objects and following people with her eyes around the room. She also can sit upright with assistance now, and this enables her to sit in the Moby with her head out, which she loves especially when we go somewhere like the grocery store. Ryan and I talk to her about what we're getting and what we see and smell, and she becomes very alert and conversational. My mom thinks we're going to have another talker in the family like me and Zooey's Aunt Sarah. :)

Nursing continues to be going well, which I am so happy about. It's funny, in the early days I was so torn about continuing to try and even contemplated exclusive pumping to feed her. I almost gave up, but this is something I'm so glad I was stubborn about. At first, to be honest, I was all about nursing for the nutritional benefits and part of me was just trying to do it to do it, you know? It was just something I'd put my mind to - not only because it was good for Zooey but also because it's just what I had decided to do. The bonding part of nursing never occured to me. My mom was really the one who encouraged me to stick with it, saying that that's why she had wanted to nurse Sarah when she was a baby and she was kind of sad she wasn't able to. Now, the bonding is what I enjoy most, and I am also so glad Zooey's getting all those nutrients. It is just such sweet time, and I really treasure cuddling with her.

Being a mom continues to be all I wanted and more, and the more Zooey becomes her own little person, the more I fall even more in love with her. People always say that your heart grows to let more love inside when you have a baby - boy, did it ever! And it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Not just for Zooey, but for Ryan, too. As I watch him with Zooey and see what a tender, loving father he is, I fall even more in love with him, too.

I read something funny and so true this week. It was a quote, and it said, "I was the best mother until I became a mother." I am learning what this means more and more. Before I had Zooey, I'd look at people and think I would or would not do certain things. I'd look at people and question their decisions, being somewhat closed-minded to the fact that there are different parenting styles that work for different people. I think most of that has gone out the window. I realize that parents and children have different personalities, and you have to figure out what works with that.

I want so much for Zooey to have all the very best, to not make the mistakes I made and to follow God better than I did at times in my life. I know I have to trust God with these things, but I am in prayer constanly about raising her the way HE wants me to. It's easy to hear, read or see things and question what I'm doing at times, but the time in prayer really helps me to guage whether HE approves, and that's all that matters. He's constantly refining me and pointing out things I need to change as an example to my sweet daughter. And I pray He will help me to do this.