Joy & Sorrow

The last few days have been so joyful, and also hard for me in various ways. I woke up yesterday with the immediate thought to text my mom "Happy Mother's Day" before I remembered, yet again for the hundredth time last week, that she's no longer here to say that too. I went to church, a little perplexed about why Ryan never showed up but got my question answered when I returned home to lovely hanging pot of flowers on my front porch, roses and homemade crepes. Yum! We spent the day watching movies with Sarah & Rey (& even Zooey who sat still for most of "Winnie the Pooh!"). It was a nice day overall.

Tonight was the last night of BSF for the kids, which is always a rough night, but even more so since I will not be returning to the evening class next year, or to leadership. I have been with these women in this circle for the last five and a half years. They have obviously seen me through a lot, including most memorably my pregnancy & Zooey's arrival and the illness and loss of my mom. They are truly like family to me. It is a loss for sure; it is bittersweet...a grieving period that is also filled with hope because I will be attending BSF with Zooey! in the fall. As the Lord keeps telling me, she is SO worth it! God has also called me to some new ministries at church and in MOPS, and although I honestly fought with Him on it, because I am so passionate and love BSF so much, He's made it clear that He wants me to serve elsewhere. I told Him anytime He wants me to serve Him at BSF, I'm on it! LOL. :) I am sure that this week will be filled with tears...probably especially as I attend the leader's brunch and sharing night (always a tear-jerker of joy!) next week.

Another piece of joyful news announced at class tonight was that BSF is adding the study of Revelation! The study will be added in 2015, and I am SO excited that I can hardly contain myself! My first thought was to grab my cell and text my mom, who never thought they'd ever add that study, being that BSF is interdenominational. But once again, I realized she's not here to hear that news, and I was a little crushed.

I miss her. Grief is unexplainable and personal. I can't explain it other than she was my mom. Someone wise once told me right after my mom died that there's just something about knowing your mother's love is there, that unconditional love, and especially now being a mom, knowing the prayers that a mom prays for her child...that there is someone there praying that way for you - that is so special; no one can really prepare you for that "missing." I think that describes it well. Abraham Lincoln said, "I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." Also, she was the person who kissed my boo-boos away when I was an infant and throughout my life...she knew just what to say. She shared in my joy in a unique way that only a mom can. I miss her so much.

One of my favorite things to study this year was in Thessalonians when we learned that the dead will rise first and will meet us in the air. I cannot wait to see my mom again. The Lord's precious promises mean so much to me. He is so sweet to include that little tidbit for us - that promise that we'll see our loved ones again. He is MORE than enough; seeing Him will fulfill me in EVERY way imaginable, but when our God gives, He gives in abundance and is also sweet enough to promise the joyful reunion with the saints who have gone before us. I love Him so incredibly!!

The title of the last lecture for this year was "Amazing Race: Sprint to the Finish." I want to sprint my life's race to God's glory...even when I am facing rocky, unknown territory as I am this upcoming year.

I miss you

You welcomed me
Kissed my cheek
Held me close
Embraced motherhood

You kept me safe
In a room of yellow
Rocked me
Sang sweetly to me

You saw me
And beamed with pride
Each first...
Roll, steps, word

You guided me
Into His arms
You prayed with me
He came in because you led me

You comforted me
Every boo boo
Every broken heart
Every "why"

You taught me
Manners and
Compassion and
Love and Faith

I said goodbye
Kissed your cheek
Held you close
Had to let go

He welcomed you
He keeps you safe
He freed you
He holds you now

 

I miss you every day.

31 Months

This last month with Zooey has been so much fun! She is a very happy and bubbly girl. She laughs all the time, and she thinks the smallest things are silly. She is gaining an imagination and likes to play using it. For examble, she loves to rock her babies, give them love pats, take Elmo potty, clean up his accidents and send her Little People to MOPS and the gym on the bus. She is getting really into music, requesting songs in the car, before nap and bed and also just sporadically throughout the day. Some of her favorites right now are "If You're Happy and You Know It" and "Ring Around the Rosie." Zooey's really trying to be more independent, and when she does not want my help, she makes it very clear. She also gets very frustrated sometimes and forgets to ask for help and just says "no" over and over. She is so smart, and I am constantly amazed by what she and her friends pick up and tell the adults in their lives. This morning, we were driving to MOPS, and she saw the library and pointed it out, for example. Also, when we drive down a particular street and are getting close to our street, she will say our street name or "yellow," meaning the McDonalds closest to our house (which she can't see yet, she just knows it is coming up). Anyone who thinks children are dumb or don't understand things has clearly never been around a child for very long!

Zooey weighs 27.9 pounds and is 33 inches tall. She's definitely had a growth spurt lately - she's taller in comparison to her friends, and some of her (brand new) 2T shirts are short and a little tight.

Zooey now:
~ Drinks out of a big girl cup when we are at home and usually at restaurants (most of the time).
~ Is using a lot of new language! Yay! It's fun to hear her little voice saying words and communicating words, and she will imitate or repeat words when asked most of the time.
~ Calls my dad "Pappy," which is super hilarious if you know my dad and his roots. :)

Zooey loves:
~ Poop! I thought only boys were obsessed with poop, not so. She says her dolls go poop in the potty all the time then says it's stinky.
~ Kinda' related, but her potty Elmo.
~ Cleaning things off with baby wipes or kleenex.
~ Dolls
~ Her Little People sets
~ MOPS and the gym - she asks almost daily if we are going to one of these places when we go bye bye and gets upset if I tell her no
~ Tickle games
~ Books, especially the Bible. She is really beginning to enjoy the library even more, and she loves for me to sit with her after story time on the little kid benches and read her the books that she picked out.
~ She continues to be a HUGE Daddy's girl. It's like I'm not even around when he's home, I'm telling you!
~ She has also been asking for her RaRa lately, since she spent the night at her house a couple weeks ago.

Zooey dislikes:
~ Stopping her play to go potty (lots of fits over this, even with a timer or adequate warning!)
~ She's going through a picky eating stage.

This is a video of Zooey getting very excited at me snapping me fingers. Who'd have thought that could be so entertaining?



with her Pappy at breakfast

more snapping from RaRa...she's trying to snap back

Love the concentration face!

Daddy snuggles are always the best

My little "bug" in her swimming pool

experimenting with shaving cream...

...the end result!