What a week!

This song has been in my head this week, and I was surprised and joyful that we got to sing a portion of it at church this morning! This week was one of those weeks where I just saw God's mighty hand at work in the intimate details, and it was truly so sweet to trust Him.

I hit (another!) car at the zoo this week while I was parking. It's kind of a long story, but it turns out we didn't have insurance on the car for three months (it was still in my dad's name, and I'd been lazy about getting it registered). I was SO freaked out about what the consequences were going to be. As I waited for the person to call me, I prayed - a lot - and had my friends pray, too. Ryan was unbelievably gracious about the whole thing. It really touched my heart how sweet and calm he was about it, especially considering I hit a car at the gym like three months ago (clear the roads, people! Just kidding!). As a side note, I am REALLY trying to park slower and pay extra careful attention before I pull into a spot. Anyway, the man called me and said, "Let's just let this go. I'm not going to file anything." He ended the call by saying "God bless you." WOW!

Some friends of mine from church for whom I have been praying for found out that there three boys are now able to be adopted. Praise God! If you were to see this family, you would just KNOW that these boys belong with them. God is so good.

Although this is somewhat embarrassing ::blushes::, I am still going to put it out there. I started reading this the day after I started my 30 day journey to purity. This is the same author of The Magic Mike post. One of her thoughts in that post was that our time spent reading erotic books and watching movies like this would be spent well steaming up our own marriage. Without getting too personal, I will say this series has opened up a lot of dialogue between Ryan and me. It's been great.

We've been visiting Calvary and listening to a series on marriage, Keep Calm & Marry On. God is definitely working in our marriage. He is opening my eyes to be more appreciative of Ryan and showing me the importance of respecting him. It's been a really good series. Skip's teachings are available for download. I'd recommend listening. It's been one of those great weeks that God gives us sometimes, where we're allowed to see magnified glimpses of His holiness, provision and goodness even in the midst of the busy-ness. Praise God for a wonderful week!

30 Day Journey, Days 8-11

I tell you what, I cannot believe it's been four days since my last post! Last week was busy! Besides having to run lots of errands, I also spent 2 1/2 days cleaning up my backyard. I feel so empowered, because I used the leaf blower all on my own! :)

I was more consistent this past week with getting up early in the morning and spending time with the Lord before I did anything else. What a huge difference that made in my day! Just that sweet time spent prepared me to be more patient, to see God's hand at work and readily praise Him and reminded me to pray more frequently throughout the day. I have noticed on days I spend with the Lord, I am more prone to stop and pray with Zooey (or by myself) when it seems like a situation is getting frustrating or my anger is rising up in me. It truly makes a difference. Moms (& Dads) - if you are having a hard day with your little ones, I'd really encourage you to do this. Of course, the principle applies to any relationship, really, but I've noticed that after praying with Zooey she often (in fact, 9/10 times) becomes calmer and is more apt to obey. God is amazing! Little miracles...

As I sat down to my study (No Other Gods, by Kelly Minter), I really identified with something she said about the experience of Christianity. She said if she could change anything about her early Christian experience, she "would switch the percentage of time (I'm guessing about 90%) spent on focusing on all the 'bad' things in my life that weren't supposed to be there with the 10% spent focusing on Christ. I fear we have this terribly backward. We spend too much time trying to rid ourselves of rebellion, lust, jealousy, materialism, drug addictions, and whatever other idols rule our lives, while spending this minuscule amount of time on knowing the One True God."

I have such a guilt complex that I totally relate to this. I know in my heart of hearts that Jesus died to set me free from guilt. I know that guilt is from Satan. God has worked mightily in my life in the last four years about guilt. Praise God! However, there are those moments when I just royally screw up before His throne, I go against His Word, and I am overwhelmed with guilt sometimes to the point that it consumes my every thought and emotion. Have you ever been there? The opposite should be true. We should consume our every thought with God's grace and Jesus' amazing character. Will we become perfect when we do this? No! Of course not; we're human. BUT - when we truly open our eyes and our hearts to all that Jesus has done to cover our multitude of sins, it gives us a heart that longs to please Him with our whole self, so the sin stuff starts to fade away and we start to live out our faith. James 4:7-9 says, "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." When we see our sin for the ugliness that it is, the Spirit causes us to yearn for God and to worship Him with our lives in ways that are impossible on our own.

In Isaiah 55:1-9, God called the Israelites (and us) to "come" 3 times, "listen"/"hear"/"give ear" 4 times and to "eat" 2 times. We're also called to "delight," "seek," "see," "call" and "turn." You're probably reading this and going, "So?" All of this comes back to what God's heart for us, found in verse 2: "...and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Why settle for the measly temporary pleasure that sin provides, when God promises to delight us, to satisfy us, with His rich blessing?

Will you come to the Lord, eat of His good Word, give ear and listen to what He has to say, see Jesus for the King He is, seek the Lord while He may still be found and "call on Him when He is near?" I think if you do, you'll be awestruck by the way He satiates your soul with His love. This, my friends, is the key to being able to live a pure and holy life.

30 Day Journey, Day 7

I saw this picture on KLOVE radio's Facebook page this morning, and I really liked it. Especially after the study I had this morning. 

This morning in my "No Other Gods" study, I read Mark 10:17-31, the story of the rich young ruler. I'd encourage you to read it here. In this passage we are called to leave (insert what it is that's keeping you from obeying/following God in abundance) and follow Him. The young ruler wanted to have eternal life. Jesus lovingly told him that in order for him to have treasure in heaven, he had to leave all he had and follow Jesus. The young man walked away sad (the Greek is appalled). Jesus explains that is a hard thing to enter the kingdom of heaven. I love His promise in v. 27 that "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." We cannot save ourselves. God alone saves us. Salvation involves more than that life-changing moment when we say the sinner's prayer and ask Jesus into our heart, though. Even though Christ forgives, it is not an excuse to live life the way we want to. And, believe me, I know how hard it is to leave sinful habits behind. There are those that keep cropping up in my own life, especially when I am walking closely with the Lord. But how good is God to promise that it's possible with Him?! He will help us - His Spirit will enable us - to give those things up if and when we ask Him to. 

Peter (gotta' love Peter!) then says, "We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?" (I used Matthew 19:27, because I like how it shows Peter's heart). Have you, as a Christian, ever felt like that? I know I have! I've whispered (because I kinda feel like it's selfish) to God, "God, I'm doing this and this; when is this going to pay off?!" Sweet Jesus doesn't rebuke Peter. He says, "I tell you the truth...no one who has left home or brothers of sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first." These are the verses that stood out to me. Like the picture above says, God has called us to holiness. And holiness does insulate us from the world's negative influences. As we grow in our holiness, it is easier to hear the Holy Spirit's call to avoid a situation or action. It is easier to hear God's still, small loving voice above the searing pain of a cutting remark of someone who doesn't agree with us. Jesus promised persecutions. He also promised us the body of Christ - family - even when those we love turn their backs on us. What a good God we serve. My prayer is that He will move me toward sanctification so I can honor Him with my whole life and be counted last among those of the world, so I can be one of the first into the kingdom. May God bless you today.

30 Day Journey, Days 3-6

The biggest thing I've noticed the last three days since not watching TV (except for maybe an episode of Blue's Clues with Zooey or a Family Feud with Ryan - my husband is like a senior citizen when it comes to his love of game shows, but that's another story) is how much extra time I have. It's amazing what I can get done at night when I'm not sitting down watching an hour of TV. I've organized some of Zooey's toys, cleaned some spots on the walls, done laundry, cleaned out a closet and other random tidying up. I've also started reading the news again. I try not to spend too much time on the news, though, because it usually either makes me mad or anxious! I am also continuing to read some YouVersion devotionals on the iPad. If you're looking for a good devotional, they have some. I'm currently reading the "Parenting by Design" plan and a couple on grief.

Combining a summer study on the subject of idolatry and trying to cut out ungodly entertainment has shown me that I do put entertainment in God's spot in my heart far too often. I've also realized that I think I do this as a means to escape stress. If something's bothering me, I don't stress eat or do yoga, I turn to something to take my mind off of it. It's been kind of an interesting discovery. This has been a hard month for me so far, and rightly so. A year ago on the 19th was Zooey's early party, and after that things were just rough. When I start to think about my mom, I almost always want to turn my attention to something else (iPad, phone, book, TV).

I want to show you Psalm 42: 

 

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me? 

Put your hope in God, 

for I will yet praise him, 

my Savior and my God.

 My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you 

from the land of the Jordan, 

the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. 

 Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls; 

all your waves and breakers 

have swept over me. 

 By day the Lord directs his love,

at night his song is with me— 

a prayer to the God of my life. 

 I say to God my Rock,

“Why have you forgotten me? 

Why must I go about mourning, 

oppressed by the enemy?” 

 My bones suffer mortal agony

as my foes taunt me, 

saying to me all day long, 

“Where is your God?” 

 Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me? 

Put your hope in God, 

for I will yet praise him, 

my Savior and my God. (Psalm 42:1-11 NIV84

We know that when Scripture repeats itself, especially in a particular passage, it's important; one teacher I had said it's like God is putting it in CAPS, bold & italysis for us to pay special attention to. Notice the psalmist says three times that his soul is downcast within him. There's the problem. What's the solution? To "put your hope in God," praise your Savior and God  and remember Him. 

Too often Satan and the world come at us with ways to deal with our pain. It could be something like drugs or it could be something like a distraction. Whatever it is, it surely promises to feel good for the moment, but I am noticing that which "feels good" or is fun or distracts merely pulls me away from the place I should be going when I feel downcast and disturbed, to Jesus, my Savior and my God. I am going to make an effort, with His enabling, to turn to Him and be honest with Him about all my feelings. He is the Healer of hearts, and I know that what He gives is not short-lived but will live on for eternity.

30 Days, Day 1-2

Hello! Wouldn't you know it, yesterday morning started off with some snags? Since I've been sick, I've been sleeping in to catch up on some much needed rest. I got up, fed Zooey breakfast and put her in roomtime, all set to do have my quiet time. This was the day that she decided to cry and cry about roomtime - which, by the way, she hasn't done in I don't even know how long. She was just inconsolable, so I got her out. I never did get the chance to sit down and really get into the Word; however, I was able to do my devotional on parenting. 

The immediate struggles I faced with cutting out TV (well, inappropriate ones) was that I am not really able to watch TV with Ryan at night. This posed a problem, because he is the type who  has to watch TV to unwind and be able to go to sleep at night. The first night, I wanted to be alone for a bit anyway, to read my Bible and pray, as I was really missing my mom. I needed to grieve with Jesus, so I took the time to do that. Last night, he was watching a show that had some raunchy kind of humor to it, so I read the news on my iPad and listened to some Christian music until he was done with that show. Then we kind of watched a game show until it was time for bed. Another thing that was hard for me was to hit the gym yesterday without my usual playlist. I really do enjoy Christian music, and in fact listen to it most of the time while driving, at home, etc. When I'm working out, I like music with a good beat, that's energizing, and let's be honest - a lot of Christian music is just a little too soft. So, that was a challenge. I ended up playing Natalie Grant and skipping over a lot of the softer, slower songs. These are some struggles I've noticed so far.

Now, for the good things. I have found when I have a bit of downtime, I'm looking to my Bible or other devotional app on the iPad to read a plan. Listening to Christian music while working out left me with more positive feeling, because I was praising the Lord while I worked out. Even two days in, I'm seeing that I'm connecting with Him a little more often than I normally do. I find I am also a little more sensitive to what's around me, even when I'm at home, and that's good. Instead of clicking on a link or keeping my attention focused on the TV show that's on, I'm turning away from things that aren't filling my mind with something godly. 

Philippians 4:8-9 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard form me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

The key to peace is to keep my focus on God and the things that He deems true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. While it is nice sometimes just to veg out and be entertained, it shouldn't become our main escape. Jesus should. He is an escape that will leave us feeling full. All the other stuff fades and still leaves us with a sense of "what do I do now?" I saw this the other night when instead of reading or watching TV to escape my feelings about my mom, I read the Bible and talked to the Lord. I felt like a little bit of that weight had been lifted, and I felt encouraged to know that He is always with me and will carry that burden and get me through it.

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will." Like my friend said when we were talking about this, how does a novel or TV show help to renew our minds and transform us into the person God wants us to be? Again, I do not feel that all TV or all novels are inerrantly bad. I do think it is important for us as Christians to be aware that things we read and watch DO effect us. That's why it's so important that the time we spend with God is the most important time of our day. Earnestly seeking Him will lead to a conviction if our choice of entertainment is something we should avoid. And of course, His Word is very clear about what is sinful and what is not, so if our entertainment is not in line with what He would be ok with, then it's probably not something we should be entertained by.

If you're along for the ride on this journey, I'd love to hear what's been good or bad for you. Please comment!

33 months

This last month has been awesome! Quite a bit happened, but the biggest is that Zooey just continues to become her own little person, and it is just so fun to watch. She has such a sweet, loving personality. She is also spunky and can be very stubborn, but she knows when she's overwhelmed and will give herself a time out to cool down. Love it! We went on our first car trip up to Denver, which is about a seven hour drive without stopping. We made it in about 8 hours. Zooey did incredibly well. She took her naps when she was told to, she played with the toys we brought her (mostly coloring books), and she watched a movie on the iPad. Speaking of movies, she's gotten into snuggling up and watching movies with me and Ryan. She loves Tangled and Toy Story. She is also becoming very opiniated and making her ideas known more and more. She will now bargain for "two" minutes instead of one. She just had to wear her new tennis shoes out of Target a couple of weeks ago. Zooey loves to march, dance, jump and run. Ryan will put music on for her, and she dances alone and with him. It's really cute! She's becoming less picky about food - one of her new favorites are kale chips! She also has (finally) taking a liking to carrots, bell peppers and tomatoes. She likes sunflower butter and grilled asparagus, all are things she wouldn't touch a month ago. Zooey's started counting; we count to ten at bedtime. She doesn't have it down perfect, yet, but she knows what comes next most of the time when we ask her. One of her favorite things to do continues to be to pour, scoop and sort things. Right now she's really into beans, especially hunting for the hidden pieces of a puzzle I've put under the beans. She continues to LOVE to color, and has started "drawing" choo-choo's, daddy, mommy, bubbles and RaRa. I love to see her use her imagination! I mentioned that she is caring; I've been sick with a cold recently, and she will stroke my face and say "care doctor." :) She also blew kisses to RaRa's burns on her hand and constantly remembered them whenever we talked about Sarah. I love her so much! When she does stuff like that it shows me that we're doing something right.

On the way to CO

Playing on the beach the day before my tri

Being cute :)

Smiles all around

Hugging her baby, "Emma," whom she named after our friend's baby

With her buddy, Kyle

Spray Park!! Another favorite!

She was overcome with excitement meeting Elmo at a local playroom

Jesus' princess, a daughter of the King :)

A 30 Day Journey of Purity

As I mentioned here entertainment can be a problem for me. I have been reading some great blogs lately about "Magic Mike" and "50 Shades of Grey." If you'd like to read those articles, here are the links: http://melissajenna.com/2012/06/30/50-shades-of-magic-mike-in-which-i-am-very-uncool/ http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/07/magic-mike-marriage-and-womens-libido/ After reading these articles, I hit the little "Like" button for Facebook at the bottom of the page. It was pointed out to me by someone that "people can't selectively (say) one thing is inappropriate when they divulge in inappropriate things themselves." Good point. I'll get back to this in a minute. Right now, "Magic Mike" and "50 Shades of Grey" are all the rage. The books are still topping the charts on Amazon as of this morning. The media is in a craze about both. There are articles, blog entries, spots on TV news about both "MM" and "50," and I have heard people I know talking about them, posting about them on Facebook or Twitter. These are things that are being called "mommy porn" by some of the bloggers I read who have read these books. Some of these women like the "mommy porn." Some of them are against it. Some are Christians; some are not. God has called Christians to a different standard of living. While "50 Shades of Grey" (or more!) may be popular in the society we live in, God only has two: holy and unholy. His Word makes this very clear. Sin is either a black or white; there are no gray areas. Last Sunday, I heard a pastor say, "Instead of asking ourselves, 'how far is too far?,' we should be asking ourselves, 'how holy is too holy? how pure is too pure?'" This has been running through my mind all week, and then I received the above comment. That is why I am going on a fast from secular entertainment for 30 days. 1 Peter 1:15 says "But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy." My prayer when I studied this in BSF last year was that the Lord would make me pure and blameless, a woman whose life is pleasing to the Lord. When I look at what Christ gave for me to set me free, so that I could live, my heart and soul burst with the desire to give all that I can to Him. This includes my time, and my time spent on entertainment that does not lead to godliness seems wasted. I think of a recent book I read, how there was cursing on practically every page. It had a good plot. It had interesting characters. Even though God put it on my heart to stop reading it, I disobeyed Him. And you know, it did seep in. I didn't think it would. I rationalized my sin and disobediene, because I wanted to continue on, to find out what happened. But isn't it interesting, how when I started to get mad, profanity would come into my angry thoughts (as if they weren't bad enough on their own). Garbage in, garbage out. I love 1 Corinthians 7:23, which says, "You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men." When all I can think about is the book I'm reading, when I do that but don't read my Bible, I'm becoming a slave to it little by little. James 1:21-25 says, "Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. DO WHAT IT SAYS. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." God has given me, and all Christians, the amazing opportunity to grow closer to Him and become more like Him through the Holy Spirit's sanctifying work. But if I am too focused on the world around me to focus on Him, the world starts to hold a greater place in my heart and I lose focus of what's really important, the true life that Christ came to give me. I am not just biding time here on this earth. I am here for a purpose, first and foremost to worship God with my whole life and being and to tell others about Him. So, this is a first post in many on God's work of purification in my heart in the area of entertainment. I invite you to join me. Will you take the challenge to cut out your favorite TV show for a month? Believe me - it's going to be hard for me to miss "Burn Notice" for a whole month! Will you put your secular novel on hold and join me in replacing that time with reading the Bible or a devotional or another Christian book? Will you commit with me to read the Bible daily for the next 30 days? Will you join me in cutting out secular music and praising God when you have music on? I am praying for myself and for you that God will grow your relationship in Him during this fast and will give you a heart that desires Him above all else and one that can see the things of the world a little bit more clearly through the spiritual glasses He's given us through the Spirit.

Zooey's Progress

Today Zooey had her six month review for speech therapy. I am so proud of her! It's been hard to tell, in the middle of it, to see the full range of progress that Zooey's been making. I can tell she's been saying lots of new words, but today it was really clear how well she's been doing. Zooey met all of her initial goals! She communicates with words when she wants and what she wants to eat with words, she asks for toys by name, even when they're in the other room. She can jump now. She's mostly intelligible to me and Ryan; people who watch her a lot are understanding her more. Our goals until her third birthday include being intellible to primary and secondary caretakers, using more two-word phrases and using specific words to describe activities she's done (rather than just say "play" for example). I noticed and discussed some progress Zooey's had in just the last week. She's hit some huge language milestones in the last week. She started speaking using jargon and does it a lot, she blows bubbles, kisses with a pucker and used more two and even one 4 word phrase that included verbs. Yay Zooey! I am totally praising God for this progress! I pray over this all the time, and I am so thankful to see all her progress.

Stumbling Into Schooling

At some point, I may make another blog for homeschooling, but at this point, my blog will suffice. I titled this post the way I did, because I do often feel like I am stumbling into schooling! I wasn't homeschooled, and up until the last five years I haven't known many homeschooled people. However, after teaching at BSF for several years and getting to know some smart adults who were homeschooled, I've seen the benefits. Also, Ryan and I feel that "we are to train Zooey up in the way she should go." We both feel that this can best be done when we are the ones educating her as we are the ones who are called by the Lord to teach her to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deut. 6:5-7). This is our main aim behind homeschooling. There are others, which I am sure we will share at some point, but this is the biggest.

I have been having a lot of fun getting Zooey's cirriculum ready and marking the items I need to get on Amazon. The most helpful resource I have found at this point is this lady Erica's blog: http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/. She has many of the same philosophies about homeschool that I do, and I really like her set up. She uses workboxes for her children's schoolwork, and she has her own preschool cirriculum, Letter of the Week http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/letter-of-the-week, which we will be using, in addition to the SonLight 3/4 cirriculum. For now, my plan is to set up her desk in her room and set up her workboxes out of the way in the hall. This will keep her out of them during roomtime and other times she shouldn't be in them. We will begin school at the end of August (my start date is Aug. 27), and we will do school on Monday, Thursday and Friday mornings from 9:00-12:00. The nice thing about homeschooling is that for now we don't have to go with the traditional M, W, F or T, Th schedule. We will be going to BSF in the fall, and that's on Wednesdays, and I think that is a very beneficial part of her education, as well. It has been a lot of fun getting all the lesson plans and cirriculum ready. Zooey is really into fine-motor activities, so I feel this cirriculum will work well for her. It has coloring, magnet pages, do-a-dot sheets, cutting and gluing. It also has some fun ideas like letter scavenger hunts. The weather is so nice here that I'll be able to schedule in some outside time every day and be able to incorporate that time into doing art projects, alphabet and counting, too. I'm excited but nervous, and we plan to take homeschooling a year at a time. I can't wait to share with you how the process is going!