Last night was another rough night with Mom. She was extremely agitated for about three hours, and we finally called the nurse on-call who came out for a visit. They've increased her fentanyl to 100mcg and also upped her morphine and haldol (for the terminal agitation). She seems to have some day/night confusion and rests all day only to be up almost all night. Last night my older sister Melissa came and helped us out. We were actually able to rest; she was a total Godsend! When the nurse Matt came out today he told us that my mom is now in the active dying phase. He said that he always says two weeks at this point for a worse-case scenario, but he really thinks it will be closer to one week. She hasn't drank anything today or used the restroom. Once she stops urinating, he said it will be about five days. From here on out, he said it will be very rough (as if it hasn't been already!), because dehydration and electrolye imbalances cause more confusion, in addition to the body going haywire and shutting down on itself (which impacts the heart and brain and everything else). She has started gasping for air, and she also has more congestion in her chest than she did yesterday. The literature we've been given says this is another sign that it is close. She is sleeping much more than even two days ago.

Matt encouraged us to think about hiring a CNA to come in and care for her, so we can take the role of daughters more than caretakers; we've decided to do that, and an aide will be here starting tonight. I can't say I'm not relieved. Although we will stay here at night, because the CNA cannot administer meds and because we want to be here when she passes, I miss Ryan so incredibly much and will be able to at least go home for a bit to spend some time with him or go out to grab a bite to eat. Likewise, it will be good for Sarah to get home to play with her dogs and spend time with Rey. We've also been a little worried about Zooey being here when my mom gets so agitated (we want Zooey to have great memories of her; I remember things from my mom being pregnant when I was Zooey's age, so I am assuming she is going to remember things even if she may not), so this will allow us to get her home at night and pick her up in the morning.

We are praying that my mom isn't trying to hang on for things when she's already in so much pain, that she'll know it's ok to let go when it's time. She keeps asking for the date and crying when we tell her; my dad's birthday is 8/16, and their anniversary is 8/23. She also keeps asking for her sister, Kathi, who will be coming out tomorrow. Please pray that she'll be reassured that although we will be sad and miss her, that it's ok to go and we'll be ok.

Please also pray that the new pain medication regimine that we began will be effective and we can stay on top of her pain levels to minimize her agitation and reduce her pain. Pray for the Lord to calm her when she's confused or agitated, as well.

God continues to be at work, from being very present to sending me "kisses" of Scripture to continuing to being there for us through His church. I am in awe of His love, and I trust His faithfulness. This morning while I was praying, it was one of those wonderful moments where I could literally feel the Lord's arms around me and His peaceful Presence. It was just what I needed at that moment. He also gave me the following verses today, which remind me that my hope, my strength, my confidence and all my abilities come from Him alone. He is my Rock.

"Your laws endure to this day, for all things serve you. If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life." Psalm 119:91-93

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35, 37-39

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep praying for the saints." Ephesians 6:13-18