Overwhelmed & Not Doing Anything

I am really struggling with feeling overwhelmed with all I have going on right now. I am working full-time, preparing my own Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) lesons & preparing weekly to teach my awesome group of 5th & 6th graders, taking two online courses through CNM and still cooking, caring for my husband & grandma and our home, trying to find time to walk daily like the doctor recommends and do weekly chores. Last term, this was no problem, and because Ryan & I weren't planning or even talking about getting pregant until I was already signed up for two classes, I thought I would tough it out and see how it went once I became pregnant. I am amazed at how tired I am! It is frustrating, but it is understandable. One book I read said something to the effect that my pregnant body is doing as much work as a marathoner's body is doing just sitting there being pregnant. Having done several triathlons, I can relate to how tired these races make me - and the exhaustion I feel from being pregnant is comparative. I could literally take an hour nap everyday - just like I do after a race. It is because of this, and because of some more spotting today and the nurse telling me it could also be my body's way of telling me I'm doing too much or am too stressed, that I am going to drop my hard class. It pains me and is a tough decision for me; however, I prayed about it and really feel that it is the right thing to do. I feel like I'm "just giving up" or quitting or like a failure, but like Ryan said, I can always take it again later on. I truly commend those pregnant girls who can do both school and work! I think if I worked part-time or maybe if I was at school only or work only full-time it would be a different story, but right now it just seems way too much. My priorities are my home life (especially "growing this little baby"), BSF and work. I want to be able to say I did everything in my control to give this baby a healthy chance at life, and eating well and lowering whatever stress I can are ways I can do that. My other class is very easy and only takes me about two hours a week - if that - so I am going to stay enrolled in it.

The spotting is VERY scary. Ryan was trying to calm me down (one of his big duties in our marriage :) ), and I feel like the best way to explain it is how I explained it to him. Before I got pregnant, I knew spotting was normal and common among many women in the first trimester. Before I got pregnant, I would've reassured someone who was going through it with my limited knowledge. Now that I am pregnant, let me just say, even thought logically I know it is normal and believe my doctor and the nurse telling me this, as well as the countless books and articles I've read, it is still incredibly scary. It doesn't matter that there's not very much. What matters is that there is blood and there should be none. I told Ryan that it's something he will probably never fully understand, because he is a man and will never experience it, and he agreed to that and to be supportive (not that he wasn't before). The nurse told me it can be some implantation bleeding and that some women experience that their full pregnancy. She told me some other reasons but that those wouldn't yet be seen on the ultrasound (they're not necessarily bad), and she again gave me the precautions of when to go to an ER. She was very reassuring, and I feel better and like I am overreacting.

The one thing I am thankful for about the WHOLE pregnancy experience (spotting included) is that it's the biggest thing I've ever done, and my relationship with the Lord has grown a lot in the last weeks. My first instinct is to go to Him, not anyone else. I try to do that anyway, but there is just such a deep sense of Him being in control that that truly is the only place I can go. No one else can comfort me or give me peace. No one else knows exactly what I'm feeling inside. No one but Him, and the best thing is that He knows it even better than I do. And just like He knows what's best for me, He knows what's best for the baby, too.