Against my better judgement, I took an early pregnancy test today. It was negative. I am pretty disappointed, but it's weird - it's like I still have hope that next week I won't start, that I'll get great news. I still "feel" like I could be pregnant. I just had to stop obsessing, and I thought the test would quell that a little bit. The old OCD acting up...I really should change my thought process. Who knows? Maybe it's a false negative? I know the early tests at 4 days prior are only about 64% accurate. If I'm definitely not (which I'm thinking now), something's still going on in my body. Still kind of crampy, nauseous, still exhausted. Maybe my body's just fighting off that stomach bug.

A friend of mine told me before she got pregnant that she could see how women could obsess and get disappointed every month. I didn't get that until now, when we're actually trying. I could see how it could be totally heartbreaking, and it gives me even greater compassion for those who have great struggles with fertility. My heart just goes out to them; I wish I could hug them and dry their eyes.