Am I or Aren't I?

The question is coming more and more to mind throughout the day: am I pregnant or am I not pregnant? I know the statistics, that 90% of couples conceive within the first year after going off of birth control. I have, however, always hoped that I would conceive the first month without any complications. Out of many things in life that I try to control, this is one of the hardest to let go of. There are certain steps we can take to try to conceive sooner rather than later, and we've been trying them...but there's absolutely nothing I can do to really control the outcome. Sometimes God just has different plans in His will for us that could allow something scary to happen. My mind bounces back and forth between being really excited about this next section of our lives together and being very anxious about what "could" happen. I know this is normal. I'm trying so hard to give it all to God. He's the one who controls time and life, anyway - not me. I will know in a little over a week, I guess. I'm trying not to get too wound up, nervous or excited, and for this reason (out of many), I am so thankful for my husband. He is very laid back, low key and doesn't overthink the "what if's" and the future. He's part of God's plan for my life, the one who comforts me and keeps me grounded. I am sure many women, both who have gotten pregnant and who have not, have said "I just feel like I could be pregnant" when it is too soon to take a pregnancy test. I have thought this, but then again...I don't feel like it at all. All in His hands; all in His timing.

I am studying The Life of Moses in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) this year. I never thought I would learn so much by studying the Old Testament, but I have. One thing the Lord has continually placed on my heart is to trust Him. Moses didn't think he could lead the Israelites out of Egypt, but once he was in the middle of it, he got to see all of God's glory: the parting of the Red Sea, the cloud to guide them, God's glory passing by. He grew closer to God and trusted Him with everything - and leading 2 million people into the desert for forty years is a BIG something! So I know that even though my plans may not work out exactly as I desire them to, the Lord will direct my paths perfectly.