19 months

Zooey is 19 months old! She had her 18 month well check this month, and she weighed in at 24.4 lbs. and is 30.5" tall. The doctor also confirmed my suspicion that she is indeed getting her first 2 year molar.

Everyone always asks me if Zooey's into everything, and the answer is yes, she is. I turn my back for a few seconds, and she usually is into something new. Most of the time this is a new toy, but the other day it was her climbing & standing up on the open dishwasher! She is filled with curiosity, and she takes everything in with those big blue eyes. Yesterday we were singing one of the songs from the library story time. It is a counting song, and when I got to four, Zooey held up her hand with 5 fingers up, then with her other hand, she folded her thumb in, so that she was saying four, too. I think she's pretty smart. :) Zooey seems to be beginning to say more words. The other night at dinner she said "please;" tonight she said "done" twice. She has a new lovey, Tiger, that she got last month. After a trip to the ER for her first stomach bug (it was as awful & pitiful as it sounds), she really bonded with Tiger, and she calls him "Ta-ga." Zooey also started giving out kisses this month. This is the BEST! She blows kisses, she kisses our cheeks, she kisses her toys; she is just full of love, and it is wonderful. I love Zooey's kisses. It also seems like she's starting to remember places. When I tell her we're going to Little Gym or to see Grandma, she gets very excited. She also gets excited when I tell her we're going to the park. She really likes push toys right now (like the Fisher Price classic push popper), and today she tried to help me push around our little sweeper. Speaking of that, she really just wants to be a part of whatever it is we're doing - vacuuming, cleaning, feeding the animals, talking on the phone. She tries to help me or imitates us doing these things. It's pretty cute.

Zooey's a very determined little girl. When she is trying to do something she can't quite achieve, she gets so frustrated she throws a frustration tantrum. When I ask her if she wants help, she usually signs "please," only to get more angry when I try to help her. She's like her momma like that; I like to try to accomplish things on my own. She's also pretty strong-willed and throws her share of temper tantrums, which we combat with being as consistent as we can. She "comes by it naturally," as my mom says, because Ryan & I are both pretty strong-willed. I think both of these qualities will be good for her as she grows up, as long as she can learn to direct her determination in a positive way. She also needs to learn how to graciously accept help, which I know can be hard to do sometimes. These are some new goals for us as her parents.

Zooey is such a loving child. As mentioned above, she loves to give kisses now. She often checks in with me while she's playing, just to get or give a little snuggle or hug or kiss before she runs off to play again. I was at dinner with my parents this week, and she wanted me to blow her kisses, so she put her hand on my mouth, then when I bent down to her, she snuggled her little cheek against mine. She loves to wake her daddy up with snuggles in the morning, which she follows up by climbing and stepping all over him. She is so much fun, and I am really enjoying this stage in her life.

On Easter, Zooey wore an adorable yellow dress. She came out of her independent play after church to see my mom & dad. She walked down the hallway like it was a catwalk, grinning at my mom and even stopped to bend down and touch her new shoes. She KNEW she was cute in that little dress. It cracked all of us up. She was pretty adorable. My mom thought it was awesome. :)

Zooey loves:
~Tiger

~Shoes. She even gave her friend's shoes a kiss at the library this week!

~Books

~Bath time

~Fish

~Her Bible. She squeals in delight to have it read to her each morning - and this is the only book she does this with.

~Playing outside

~Opening and closing things, like the stuffed-with-treats Easter eggs. :)

~Almond milk; beans

Zooey doesn't like:

~having her hair rinsed during her bath

Little Blessings

Today has been full of little blessings, straight from God to me. I completed my last BSF lesson for the study of Isaiah, and it was beautiful, full of promises for my future life with God. I was so blessed to read that there will be no remembrance of the former things; they won't even come to mind. Only my BIG God can completely take away all the pain like that, so that someday I will not even remember all the heartache and the sinful habits I had here on this earth. Only God can cause weeping and crying to turn to sounds of joy & delight. I was blessed to read that my big God is also personal enough to answer me before I call & hear while I'm still speaking (Is. 65:24). Wow! And them to read that His peace will extend like a river, that He will comfort me as a mother comforts her children! I pictured myself wiping away Zooey's tears after a big fall and how my mom did that for me and how sometimes only a mommy can really comfort those tears. To know that my God will comfort me with that same tenderness just captures my heart.

I was also blessed to spend time with a good friend today, to catch up and enjoy her & her sweet daughter's lovely company. I was blessed with Zooey taking a long nap. I was blessed by Zooey kisses on my cheek! And, I am super blessed to be able to go on a date tonight with Ryan. What a wonderful day. Thank you, Jesus!

Little things I love this week

~Snuggling up with a toddler to read her new library books
~Lovely spring weather
~Running
~Isaiah 61
~My new washing machine
~Watermelon
~Friendship
~Coconut milk

As much as I feel like I've been through the gamut with the emotions of grief, I realized today how much denial I am still in about my mom. About a month ago, we met with a local Hospice care, so that when her doctor gave her the referral on the 29th, she'd know who she wanted to use. Well, the referral has come & gone, and yesterday she had her first appointment with Hospice in her home. She's been prescribed morphine drops for her pain. She hadn't told me before yesterday that she is super breathless when she gets out of the bath, and she can no longer walk her dog as she runs out of breath. The nurse was supposed to go by today to show her how to administer the drugs, which she's going to start taking if she feels in pain or out of breath.

For some reason, the fact that Hospice really came to her house has made the fact that she's going to die much more real to me today. A million thoughts have run through my head today, thoughts about how I won't be able to just pick up the phone and call her to talk about our days. She cares about and is so close to Zooey; it saddens me so much that I won't be able to share all Zooey's cute little moments and her milestones with my mom, who cares so much and gets so excited over her little Zooey. It breaks my heart that I won't be able to call her for her take on a tough passage of Scripture or to share all I've learned in BSF. Those are some of the thoughts I've been having. It kills me that I am going to have to see her suffer; I pray all the time that her suffering will be minimal before Jesus calls her to heaven.

I worry so much that I won't be a good mom in the midst of my grief, that my emotions will overtake me and I won't be able to care for my little girl. Those of you who have been praying, this is my biggest request for myself, that God will fully enable me to grieve, without totally losing it, and care for my family.

I don't get it, still. I don't understand why God's going to take her home. There are many days I still don't think it's "fair," and I still get angry about it. Thank God, though, that I serve such a personal, intimate God who cares about me and all my emotions. Last night, the speaker at BSF said, "We're in Christ, adn even when we can't see HIm, we can rest in assurance He's there. We can look up. We can trust that He knows and will see it through to the day of God's glory. Just today, I opened my Bible to read "He has sent me...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called the oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." Isaiah 61:1b,3. "I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations." Is. 61:10-11. And, "In all their distress he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old." Is. 63:9. Today as I was driving around, the song "Blessings" came on the radio, and the DJ said that Christians will suffer just like anyone else, but we have the assurance of knowing that God is with us and will walk alongside us through our suffering.

So...I don't get it, it hurts, and I hate it; however, I am going to focus on these truths today and let God take me moment by moment through all the hurt and all the heartache until the day of God's glory. I know, because of the verses in Isaiah, that her being with Jesus is going to be WAY more amazing and beautiful than this earth. I rejoice that someday I will meet Jesus face to face where I will be adorned in His beautiful garments, and I will see my mom again. We'll be able to share all the things we know about Jesus together again, and we'll be able to praise Him side by side. These are the truths I'm going to hold onto as I praise Him in this storm.

18 months

Zooey is 18 months old today. I am so amazed at how fast time has gone, and I cannot believe little Zooey's been a part of our lives for a year and a half. She makes our family so complete. I have to really concentrate to remember life before her, and I cannot imagine life without her. She hasn't yet had her 18 month check-up, so I don't know how much she weighs and how tall she is, but I'm going to estimate she weighs about 22 pounds and is close to 29 inches tall (if not a little taller). We've been really enjoying our wonderful weather with lots of play dates and trips to the park & zoo. She continues to be more and more curious about her surroundings. Last week I took her to the botanical gardens, and it was so much fun to see her explore on her own for awhile and get excited over some of the farm animals. Today I took her for a run, and she was pointing at things constantly and laughing and talking away. We tried coloring this month (as you can see). She had fun, but she also tried to eat the markers. Practice makes perfect? :) Zooey was moved up to the walker's class at church; she's becoming such a big girl, and it's all so bittersweet sometimes. She is officially down to one afternoon nap a day, unless she is just exhausted, in which case we'll do 2 or put her to bed early. I have the sneaking suspicion that she's getting her 2-year molars. Of course, molars take forever, but I can see some white under the gums and brushing her teeth has become a daily scream-fest. Zooey laughs at everything; I don't usually know what she's laughing about (traffic? red lights? trees? the dog?), but it's precious. She is such a sweet girl and a blessing. She is learning to be obedient and patient and how to pick up her toys. I pray for her everyday, that God will grow her to be a godly woman who follows Him with her all. Zooey is also very loving, and she will come up to me or Ryan to give us hugs and snuggles frequently while we're playing. Just today, she melted my heart by coming up to me out of the blue and giving me a hug and snuggle. Such a sweetie!

Zooey loves:

-bubble baths (yay! finally!)

-picking out books for bedtime

-ice cream!! (That pic of her screaming above? Yeah, that's when she had ice cream for dessert and I told her it was all gone.)

-books, books, books! She also loves story time at the library.

-aquarium/zoo. On our last trip to the aquarium, she was really into it, running back and forth between the tank and me, laughing up a storm. It was adorable

Zooey dislikes:

-There aren't any huge dislikes right now; however, we've hit that "picky eater phase" that most toddlers seem to go through. I definitely dislike this. :)

17 months

Zooey's 17 months old! Time flies at an incredible rate sometimes, doesn't it? Zooey is so much fun to be around! She's really a social butterfly, and she loves to be around the whole family; she totally hams it up for everyone. I just can't get enough of her, and I try to soak up each moment with her since they are so fleeting. Tonight she fell asleep on my chest before I had even done praying with her (she was exhausted, poor girl!). It was such a sweet moment and one of the ones I know I won't get forever. Another of my favorite times of day is when we get to play after her nap and before dinner. She's so cheerful when she wakes up, and she tells me lots of stories while she has her snack. Right now she's really into bringing me things to show them to me, and when she does, she likes to crawl onto my lap and have a snuggle before she hops off to bring me something else. She continues to love books and being read to, and often times books are what she spends her free play with. She will sit and flip through them or bring them to me and Ryan to read to her. Zooey is very attentive and loves to check everything out with the cutest look of concentration I've ever seen. We introduced Zooey to roomtime for her independent play, instead of having her do it in her playpen. the first few days were quite the adventure for her: diapers everywhere, wipes pulled out, the diaper genie knocked over...I don't even know how she thought about all that stuff! But, since we've picked up those items, she enjoys it and plays happily with a few toys. She's so precious, and being her momma is a huge joy.

Zooey likes:

~to walk out the front door and to the car like a big girl

~the park! She is Miss Independent and loves to try to climb the steps all by her self.

~her pink kitty cat she got from Grandma for Valentine's Day

~shoes (do I foresee a future problem?) :)

~to help clean up. She likes to clap to our "clean up song" and she puts everything on the shelf where her shoes go. She loves her shoes!

~dancing

~trying to find Mommy when I play hide and seek

~playing "monster Daddy!"

~to point out objects in books

~to wake Daddy up in the morning

Zooey dislikes:

~There's not much Zooey doesn't like at this stage, except being told no, but what kid does like that?

Zooey now:

~Says words that only Mommy and Daddy (and sometimes Grandma) can understand. She says "TaTa" for Tiny (our dog), "badada" for banana, "kikat" for kitty cat. She also says "gate," "cat," and "dog" pretty clearly.

~Something cute that Zooey does is laugh when we say something's silly. :)

A Personal God

Oh how I wish I could capture all the reminders that God is alive and present and working intimately in my life. I am deeply thankful that He has answered my prayer to open my eyes to see His comfort and what He has for me in the last few weeks. My mom decided to fore go further treatment, so the last week has been a rough one. My mom is a godly lady, and I know that she devoted much prayer to her decision. I also totally understand her choice. I would not want to be sick in bed for two weeks and have to get treatment every three, only to have one good week in between. That would not be a great way to spend the rest of this earthly life. I really feel that this choice sunk in with me last Tuesday, when I did my lesson and God revealed to me "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed. I will not yield my glory to another" in Isaiah 48:10-11. Saturday at Leader's, we sung, "Trust Him When They Wants Are Many," a hymn by Lucy A. Bennett, and the room got quiet at just the right time: "Trust Him when dark doubts assail thee, trust Him when thy strength is small, trust Him when to simply trust Him seems the hardest thing of all." And to top that off, He gave me many words of comfort at our fellowship.

Monday I got a beautiful email in response to my prayer for healing of this icky sinus thing. It said, "Remember our God of great comfort and strength who gives comfort to His people Comfort, Comfort my people says your God. Is. 40:1 and Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will walk and will not faint. Is. 40:31. But when we don't think we can soar, walk or run one more step...He says 'I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you 'do not fear, I will help you.'"

The last few days have been filled with opposition on my time regarding my service to Him. I was late to BSF last night and a MOPS group this morning for which I made food for, because it just seems like everything hits when you need to go somewhere to do something for Him. I'm sick again, too, and my prayer in the car was something close to, although not verbatim, "God don't you see? How much more, Lord?" And how gracious is He to remind me He's here, He remembers and sees me with this AMAZING verse, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me" Isaiah 49:16. He also gave me vs. 13 "Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on His afflicted ones."

So you see, I don't need to worry about my future or even the present. He's got it.

God is real. Jesus IS personal. He is a Promise Keeper who never breaks His promises.