My mom had her PET scan review with Dr. B (the oncologist) on Wednesday. The news is not so great. She apparently has a large pleurel effusion in her left lung lining, where the lobe they removed would be. She also has a mass showing metabolic activity and some new lymph node activity, including some in her neck. Dr. B & Dr. N (the pulmonologist) both feel that it is highly unlikely that these things alone and in combination are a result of the sarcoids, and they feel that it is a sign of cancer.
She had blood work yesterday, and today she had the procedure done to drain the fluid in her lung. They said the fluid was yellow, which apparently is a good color if there has to be fluid. She has to just kind of take it easy and not lift anything heavy for about a week. She will meet with Dr. B next Wednesday to discuss the results. Dr. B considers her lung cancer non-smoker's cancer and will test her past tumor (and if it's cancer this time) to verify what type of cancer it is. If it is the type that is related to a gene, there are two pills she can take daily, giving her approximately 18 mos. - 2 yrs. of life. If it is the other type of cancer, Dr. B estimates she has 3-8 mos. left, maybe more because my mom is young and in pretty good shape. In this case, they will offer her pallative care and a type of more mild chemo ("not a toxic kind" my mom said) and switch it once it stops working.
This news is so devastating to me. I don't understand why it's happening. It hurts so much, and of course the waiting is so hard. I feel like God has prepared me for this, whatever may come, though, through my study of Isaiah this year. Throughout the book He promises Christ's return and the hope we have that we will someday be with Him and our loved ones again. His compassion is so evident to His people throughout the chapters. God keeps bringing the truths and lessons to my mind as I pray and seek Him. From the notes last week: "God's purposes in discipline of His people are always change, reunion with Him, and restoration. Not all 'attacks' or stuggles are brought on by God in response to sin, but He uses hardships to make His own children resilient and focused in faith." (italics mine) There has been an ongoing theme that He has placed on my heart: Go to God first. Go to God no matter what the circumstance. The circumstance may not change, you may not understand, but go to Him who never changes and is in perfect control to offer you perfect peace. Go to the One who gave His life for you, so that you can experience His merciful compassion. Everything and everyone else offers a false sense of security; go to Him with your anxiety and your troubles. He doesn't change. He is JUST, He is FAIR when life isn't. He is ALWAYS there. These are the lessons I'm holding onto, because honestly, there's nothing else I can do. I'm praying so hard that He will heal her, that the cancer's not there, but I'm praying equally hard that if that's not His will that He will draw me closer to Him, help me to minister to my family and that He will hold each of us, especially my mom, so close that we can feel Him.
God has been so faithful to point things out to me when I open my Bible. Just this morning, when doing my lesson, I read "Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.' Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert." This is the promise that believers in Christ have to look forward to. Even when death is feared, there is hope in Christ.
We are in the full swing of the Christmas season. In eight days, we will be sitting around a dinner table with family and friends and opening gifts. Many of us will go to church, some of us may only go this one night a year. Will you take a moment this year to ponder what exactly it is you're celebrating? God Himself came to earth, put skin on and walked among us. He willingly stepped out of the perfection of Heaven in his Glory and placed Himself in this life - this life where there's so much pain, sorrow, suffering, all because of our sin - and then He willingly took a beating and died a gruesome death that we all deserve to die, so that each person who chose Him might be free. Free from sin, free to really live, free to have hope & peace in the midst of fear and pain. When we celebrate Christmas, we are celebrating the beginning of Jesus' life on earth, the miracle of God becoming Man, so that He could become the only Perfect sacrifice for you and for me. I pray that your Christmas is filled with His rich blessings, peace and Hope.
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