Our Little Pumpkin

As promised, here's a picture of Zooey's first Halloween. She didn't really know what was going on, of course, but doesn't she look awful cute?

Can't a girl catch a break?

Ugh...I have mastitis. I have had a fever since 3am on Friday; I think it's finally beginning to break 24 hours into my antibiotic. Thankfully I had an appointment with my OB yesterday anyway to discuss another lovely post partum symptom: a prolapse (Google it if you really want to know). Zooey is gassy and fussy because of the antibiotic. Ryan's hunting but will thankfully be back today sometime (& hopefully with an elk). So...I've been sitting around being lazy the last two days watching TV, nursing and napping.

Being a mom is hard work! Such a blessing, but hard work. I guess in a way I'm kind of glad that the worse thing I have is a fever, rather than the flu or something the first time I have to care for a child. Plus, my sister was kind enough to stay the night last night, so I got a good solid 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, which really helped.

I'm determined to take a shower in a bit and get Zooey in her pumpkin shirt, so we can pass out candy. Pic's to follow...

My new favorite thing

Note to self for Zooey and future baby: I LOVE MY MOBY WRAP!! Zooey has a fussy time in the evenings. Tonight I thought "What the heck? I'll give my brand new Moby a shot," and so I busted it out. I wrapped the ginormous piece of cloth around myself, tucked crying Zooey in and -BAM!-3 minutes later, she was asleep. Yes, it looks a little hippy like it was designed in Boulder (it was not, by the way), but you can't knock something this comfortable and effective. Hands-free-baby-cuddling = baby bliss.

To all those who patronized me about the weight gain...

...I am currently 7 lbs. away from my pre-pregnancy weight. Take that Dr. - I told you it was water!! Sorry, it's just, as one could see from my early pregnancy posts, I freaked a little bit about my weight gain. No, my body is not the current shape it was in before, and no, I'm not in my pre-pregnancy jeans quite yet, but I am super happy with my results from doing nothing (although I suspect the breastfeeding has helped). I am also quite confident that once I start running again, I'll be back in those jeans in a jiffy. :)

Just another testament to the power of prayer

Zooey is doing beautifully with the breastfeeding. I submitted a prayer request for my sweet BSF ladies to lift up on Saturday morning, I was praying, Ryan was praying, my mom, Sarah & dad were praying...and guess what? Saturday evening she started latching on perfectly. By Sunday night, she was more than comfort nursing - she was swallowing. Today, we are only supplementing 1 oz. of breastmilk if she doesn't seem content after a feed, and Ryan gives her the last meal of the day via bottle. God is so amazing, and I am consistently brought to tears (the good kind :) ) at how he cares about the little things.

Now I am told that it will take a couple of weeks to a month for my boobs to not feel as if they are decaying from pain. I know, probably not the best use of words, but man oh man they hurt. If anyone has gone through this and can offer a little ray of hope as to how long it took for their boobs to feel close to normal (or at least become desensitized to the pain), please leave comment below.

Our days are together are awesome. Time goes so fast, and by the time I look up, Ryan's home from work. Usually that's when Zooey has a bit of a fussy time, but I'm convinced part of that is that she wants her daddy. :) He literally picks her up or takes her from me and within seconds she's calm. She's put on good weight and as of Monday is at 9 lbs. 3 oz. I have one more appointment on Monday with the LC to get a weight and address any questions. I believe at that point, if everything's going well, I'll be able to stop pumping after each feed and strictly BF, unless I want to pump to store some milk. Last night Zooey went 5 hours between feeds; however, it was her 8:00 and 1:15 am feed, so I want us to work on getting that long stretch in the middle of the night...possibly doing a dream feed at 11:00 pm. Any Baby Wiser's with advice regarding this, I would love your feedback. I'm hoping she'll stick to the 2.5-3 hr. schedule well enough that she'll sleep through the night (5-6 hrs.) by 8-10 weeks, even with the breastfeeding hurdle we faced. Zooey's super strong, as I mentioned in earlier posts! She can hold her head up during tummy time for much longer than the "3 seconds" I've read about in the books and stuff. She's also started smiling more this week and making different noises. I'm sure it won't be long now before she can smile in response to our smiles. She is just such an amazing gift, and we love her so much!

We continue to pray for Ryan's job situation. Six weeks is coming up quickly, and although I did tell my boss that I'm taking 12 weeks maternity leave, I'd like to be able to tell them I'm not coming back sooner than that. Our plan is for me to stay home and make it work. It will be tight, don't get me wrong, but it will be so worth it - for all of us. So...come mid-November, if there's no news from TSA, we will apply for private insurance and Ryan will try to find something else with benefits until TSA calls. Again, the insurance is really the big thing here, and we have enough in savings to pay for that for awhile. We both feel that home is where God wants me, so we are placing our trust in him. If I must work, I will find a part-time job somewhere eventually. It's super scary to trust. If we cannot find insurance, I will have to return to work...we just keep praying!!

The Struggle of Breastfeeding

Oh my. This is a "venting" post. Motherhood is fantastic, it really is. I look at our baby and think she is the most perfect, wonderful thing that God has ever placed on this earth. She is such a good baby! She hardly fusses, she is sleeping well at night, and she is just a joy.

Zooey underwent her tongue clipping procedure on Wednesday. She was in a little pain on Wednesday, and by Thursday she just seemed to be trying to figure out her new "free" tongue, wiggling it about and sticking it out. I'm sure it takes some getting used to; it's probably like having a whole new tongue or something after all she's known was the tongue-tied one.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know this is naiive, but even though I talked my unrealistic expectations down in my mind, I still expected her to be able to nurse immediately after the procedure and for breastfeeding to be bliss by Thursday. Obviously, my impatience has caused my hopes to be dashed.

OH MY GOSH BREASTFEEDING IS SO HARD!!!!!!!!!

I know not everyone has this many problems. Zooey will eat really good - latch on for 15 minutes per side, swallow, everything. The next feeding, she becomes a red-faced ball of frustration and heart-wrenching cries as she pushes me away, won't latch on or latches on and injures me then won't latch on well again. Sigh. I pray and I pray and I pray that breastfeeding will go well. I stay calm; when I get frustrated I give her the bottle as the lactation consultant suggested. I try to put her to breast after she eats, when she's calm - the other suggestion by the lactation consultant - but she falls asleep and won't do anything. I have another appointment on Monday, and all I can do is pray that God will guide the appointment and give me some new insight, tips a SNS...something to help this process along. Thankfully, I have milk, so I've been able to pump and feed it to her. She's still getting all the immunities and such. I'm tempted to look up exclusive pumping, but whenever I think about that, I remember that I am not one who gives up without a tough fight. Breastfeeding is important to me - the bonding, the closeness, the experience shared with mother and baby. Today is a day where I just feel I'm at the end of my breastfeeding rope. She was crying at the last feeding. I was crying at the last feeding. I loaded her up in her stroller and went on a quick power walk to bust the stress; it helped, and then Ryan, my sweet Ryan, got home and said, "I think you're doing a great job, babe. Let's wait until Monday. She'll have some ideas." And my sister called me and encouraged me saying a bottle isn't bad and wait until Monday. And my mom said to persevere, because I will look back someday (even if it doesn't work) and know that I tried everything I could. God is answering prayer, even if it's not the way I want. He's giving me encouragement through many forms, and it's encouragement I greatly appreciate.

Things "I never"

I never knew I'd be able to function on so little sleep.

I never knew I'd have such an ache to be able to nurse my baby.

I never knew I'd be able to differentiate cries and noises with accuracy.

I never knew I'd have such a tough job come so naturally.

I never knew that one little face could cause so much joy...or pull so much sympathy out of me.

Same goes for one little noise.

I never knew you could get so lost in someone's eyes.

I never knew that holding your child can bring you comfort and peace, too.

I never understood just how fast time can go.

I never comprehended my parents love for me until now.

I never knew I could love another person so ferociously and so innocently - so unselfishly.

I have never had such a high level of respect and love for my husband as I do now. He's such a great dad.

I thought I "got" the importance of a tight-knit family revolving around the Lord - not until now.

I have never had such a deep understanding of the Cross until now - how God looked down on HIS ONLY SON, God Himself, dying down here. For us. Unselfishly. I have never so readily said "I would die for someone" than I have with my sweet daughter. Through relationship with her, God has given me a deeper a view of grace, a view that makes my heart leap with gratitude in my chest and ache in better understanding of just what that sacrifice cost Him.

There is so much more that I know now about life from having a baby, and it's only been 2 and a half precious weeks!

Thank you, Lord, for entrusting us with this gift and for all You've already shown us. Ready us for the road that lies ahead.