Ambivalent Feelings Have Kicked in Big Time

These are my thoughts this week:

• It will not just be me & Ryan anymore - we must savor these last moments together as just a couple. No more quiet evenings, no more lazy Sundays, no more getting up and going wherever we'd please...
• I can't wait to share in the new kind of bonding that having a child together brings, and I'm so glad I have Ryan to do parenting with. He truly is the best gift God has given me in my life.
• BSF started this morning, and yesterday I realized how close we are to pretty much NEVER sleeping in until our children enter high school and desire themselves to have coma-like sleep that lasts 10 hours a night - and by that time, we'll be older, so we probably can't or won't want to sleep in.
• I am looking forward to bonding with my baby over middle of the night & early morning feedings.
• Love her to death, but the reality of staying home with my grandma and a baby all day has hit me. Boundaries, compassion, and love. Boundaries, compassion, and love....
• I am thankful for the added help around the house; it will subtract stress just to have some help with the dishes. This baby is going to have so much love!
• I'm not going to look the same as I did before I got pregnant. I'm going to be wearing pants which I worked 6 months to get out of two years ago.
• More motivation to work extra hard to lose the weight. So glad I made fitness & nutrition a part of my life before I got pregnant. So thankful for mom & dad and their offer to help watch baby while I work out, even if I just run on their treadmill. A lot of people don't have so many so close who will offer to babysit.
• I want to be a mom so bad! But am I ready to be a mom? Are we ready to be parents? Will I do a good job? How will I know what she needs, what to do, how to do it?
• Children are a gift from God, and He has this part of my life mapped out on His roadmap. He wouldn't give me such a precious responsibility if I wasn't ready for it. His timing is perfect. He will provide. He has given millions of parents the skills they need to do this.
• Will I be able to stay home?
• I just have to leave this in God's hands and until I hear otherwise, stick with our mantra "we will make it happen."
• Will I be able to manage a home, care for my baby, care for my grandma, maintain a close marriage, maintain social connections, get back into shape?
• God only gives us what we can handle; putting Him first will help me align my other priorities.
• Holy crap, these Braxton Hicks contractions are starting to hurt a bit. Labor is going to hurt. Delivery will hopefully not hurt due to a lovely epidural, but recovery is going to be painful.
• I am prepared as I am going to be. I can do this. Ryan will be with me to help, and thank God for modern medicine.
• My boobs are soon going to be used for food mechanisms, and it is going to be hard. And painful.
• I am so glad I have the training & support today that women in the past did not really receive, and I'm excited to bond with my baby and to offer her the world's most nutritious baby food.
• My house is still not ready for a baby!
• It's pretty ready, and it'll be ok if it happens today.
• I hope my water doesn't break at work!
• Oh, well, what can I do?
• I'm going to cherish these last few days/weeks of pregnancy, because they truly are a gift from the Lord. This could be the only time this happens to me in my whole life, and as excited as I am to meet the baby, I am relishing in this gift.