Weaned.

Tennyson is weaned.
My last baby is weaned.
I will not breastfeed again.

I tried to wean him several months ago when I got really ill and had to be on a lot of different meds, but even after eight-ish days, he was asking (not very politely!) for "boobie." I started him back up when I am pretty sure I was getting mastitis in both breasts, and he wouldn't drop the issue during an Imax movie at the museum.

It was such a blessing to have nursed him as long as I did (23.5 months). I had a very hard time in the beginning with Zooey, and if you remember, she weaned very suddenly all by herself. Before I even became pregnant with Tennyson I prayed that he would pick up nursing easily, that he would nurse for at least a year and that God would prepare us both for the time he would be done. God answered my prayer, and as He always does, answered in abundance. I am always touched at how much He loves me and cares about the little details of my life.

He last nursed January 1 before bed, and he told me they were "empty." The next night I reminded him they were empty, and while he was a little upset, he let it go easily. He didn't really ask after that. I had a huge sense of peace (unlike a couple months before), and in my heart, I just knew it was time. God is so good.

So, the chapter in my life of babies and breastmilk is closed, but the ending isn't something I would change or have any other way. <3 p="">

Less than an hour old

12/9/15, almost 23 months

39 weeks & a birth!

Well, that last night of being pregnant, I hardly slept. I think I got three hours of broken sleep. I was nervous about the surgery, excited about meeting our little guy, worried about Zooey and how she'd react...plus a bunch of other emotions! We got to the hospital at 6:00. I got all prepped, and Ryan and Sarah and I hung out in the room until it was go time. Everything went very well and just as I had prayed. God covered the entire birth, even the little things: I didn't jerk during the epidural, I didn't get sick, and He gave me peace about having a C-section. That confirmation came when they pulled him out at 8:12am and announced he was 9.5 lbs! Oh my, what a big boy! He got checked out by the NICU team, and he looked great (another answer to prayer - no NICU transition). He went to recovery with Ryan and RaRa, and when I got in there his sugars were a little low. We gave him a tiny bit of formula to get those up, and then he nursed pretty quickly. I keep telling Sarah she should be a lactation consultant, because she has patiently gotten me started nursing two kids. :) Anyway, his sugars were fine by the end of the required amount of time. My milk came in a lot quicker than with Zooey (day 3 - thank you God!), and he's been nursing like a champ and is gaining weight well. The C-section recovery is tougher...in different ways, obviously. I really can't say what's harder; my recovery with Zooey was tough, but I think it's tough, more like frustrating, that I still have so many restrictions three weeks out (ie: lifting). I am still glad I got one, and I feel complete peace with doing so. Tennyson is absolutely precious, and I am so blessed! Many people know how long we prayed about having another child, and whether or not to have one, so I am thrilled and so incredibly thankful that he is here!

It was so sweet when Zooey came to see him. She snuggled up to him and gave him a kiss. She said "That's my new baby brother!" and she was so excited. Tennyson gave her a new baby doll (an anatomically correct baby boy), and she loves to play with him. She told Tennyson "I love you," then she snuggled up to her daddy for the remainder of her visit.

Waiting to be admitted

 

39 weeks

Like my hat?

Ryan in his space suit

 

Welcome to the world little man!

He likes his thumb when he can find it!

 

Zooey is 5 months old today!

And I continue to fall more in love with her. This month I really saw Zooey's personality come out more, and she is such a happy little girl. She talks and laughs almost all the time. She really only cries if she's very hungry, very tired or in some sort of pain. The rest of the time, she is very mellow and very happy. She is such a joy! In a month where we experienced a lot of unsurity and sadness with my mom, she was a constant little ray of sunshine.

This was a big month for Zooey! She found her thumb (finally), although, she doesn't seem to be much of a sucker. She spits out binkies, she sucks on her thumb for a bit then stops. We'll just have to see what she does in the future. She got her first three teeth, and it looks like another one is on it's way through any day now. She likes to play with her teeth - either by running her tongue over them or putting her fingers in her mouth. It's been a rough couple weeks with teething, and I have been bitten a few times, although not too bad (let's hope it stays that way or stops altogether). Zooey was pretty miserable for a few days, but she always perks right up once those painful moments are gone.

We started Zooey on solids at the beginning of her 5th month, as recommended by her pediatrician. She's a big girl, you know! Born at 8.2 and now weighing 14.4! She started with cereal once a day, then we worked it up to 2, then we started oatmeal and fed her solids 3x per day, and finally introduced some veggies. I have really been enjoying making her baby food. It's a lot of fun, and I love knowing that I am preparing something for her to eat. It's an act of love, and I really like doing it. So far, she's had squash, green beans, sweet potatoes and pears. The pears are new this week, and she's not crazy about them at all. Maybe she'll be like her aunt and prefer veggies over fruits - nothing wrong with that. :) I'm sure we will just need to give it a little longer.

Two nights ago, she slept her first 12 hour stretch. Wow! Dropping the dreamfeed wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, but that's probably because I got all of my mopiness out of my system before we did it, and God was good to answer my prayer that it would be a smooth transition for us. It improved her nighttime sleep and her naps; she has dropped her 4th nap of the day in the last 2 weeks.

She's so cute! Now she sits in her highchair and watches me fix dinner, then we sit down to the table as a family (I'm sad to say this is a first, at least consistently, for us) before she eats and has bath and bedtime. We talk and chat, and she hams it up for Daddy every night - I foresee a Daddy's girl for sure! She's also discovered that she can bang her toys on the highchair and drop them on the floor to make quite the exciting noise. :)

Zooey has also started to have independent play in her playpen. Most of the time, she really likes it, and it gives us some time to do a couple of things when she's awake. She likes to look at the fan or grab her toys and squeal/laugh/talk to herself. It's nice to know she enjoys her time to herself; I'm hoping this will transition into a good quiet time period for her when she's a toddler.

Nursing continues to be going well (except for the biting), and I am so thankful that God has allowed me to nurse her for this long; I pray that I'll be able to do so until she's a year old. Zooey's little hands have started to wander when she's eating. She grabs my shirt, my necklace and just moves that little hand all over the place trying to explore. I'm sure she'd grab my hair if it was long enough! I don't know why, but I just find this cute. I'm going to make a special necklace for her to hold onto while she's nursing.

I'm sure there is so much more that she's learned and done in the last month that I'm completely forgetting, but these are the things that stand out to me. It's neat to see her learning skills and taking everything in. It must be pretty cool to see so many fun, new things every day. Zooey is my precious little blessing, and I am so thankful for her. Parents always say you'll never understand the love, protection and joy you feel in your children until you have one. I am truly getting that more and more every day.

OK I think I figured it out

I really believe Zooey's going through a growth spurt. After 2 days of fussing and poor naps, trying a teething ring and lots of cuddling I noticed (yes - slow mom of the year award goes to me!) that she was also taking full feedings every time I fed her early. Today, she's still napping for only 45 min. - 1 hour, but I feed her right when she wakes, she's very interested in eating and very hungry and VERY happy. I've just adjusted her waketime and put her down after an hour. Yes, she'll be taking several short naps today, but in my opinion, it's better than no naps at all. And I'm sure that in a few days she'll be back to her normal routine as she always is after a growth spurt. :)

On a side note, I do see some white bumps on her gums and have been giving her her links to nom on just in case she is teething, too.

Can't a girl catch a break?

Ugh...I have mastitis. I have had a fever since 3am on Friday; I think it's finally beginning to break 24 hours into my antibiotic. Thankfully I had an appointment with my OB yesterday anyway to discuss another lovely post partum symptom: a prolapse (Google it if you really want to know). Zooey is gassy and fussy because of the antibiotic. Ryan's hunting but will thankfully be back today sometime (& hopefully with an elk). So...I've been sitting around being lazy the last two days watching TV, nursing and napping.

Being a mom is hard work! Such a blessing, but hard work. I guess in a way I'm kind of glad that the worse thing I have is a fever, rather than the flu or something the first time I have to care for a child. Plus, my sister was kind enough to stay the night last night, so I got a good solid 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, which really helped.

I'm determined to take a shower in a bit and get Zooey in her pumpkin shirt, so we can pass out candy. Pic's to follow...

Just another testament to the power of prayer

Zooey is doing beautifully with the breastfeeding. I submitted a prayer request for my sweet BSF ladies to lift up on Saturday morning, I was praying, Ryan was praying, my mom, Sarah & dad were praying...and guess what? Saturday evening she started latching on perfectly. By Sunday night, she was more than comfort nursing - she was swallowing. Today, we are only supplementing 1 oz. of breastmilk if she doesn't seem content after a feed, and Ryan gives her the last meal of the day via bottle. God is so amazing, and I am consistently brought to tears (the good kind :) ) at how he cares about the little things.

Now I am told that it will take a couple of weeks to a month for my boobs to not feel as if they are decaying from pain. I know, probably not the best use of words, but man oh man they hurt. If anyone has gone through this and can offer a little ray of hope as to how long it took for their boobs to feel close to normal (or at least become desensitized to the pain), please leave comment below.

Our days are together are awesome. Time goes so fast, and by the time I look up, Ryan's home from work. Usually that's when Zooey has a bit of a fussy time, but I'm convinced part of that is that she wants her daddy. :) He literally picks her up or takes her from me and within seconds she's calm. She's put on good weight and as of Monday is at 9 lbs. 3 oz. I have one more appointment on Monday with the LC to get a weight and address any questions. I believe at that point, if everything's going well, I'll be able to stop pumping after each feed and strictly BF, unless I want to pump to store some milk. Last night Zooey went 5 hours between feeds; however, it was her 8:00 and 1:15 am feed, so I want us to work on getting that long stretch in the middle of the night...possibly doing a dream feed at 11:00 pm. Any Baby Wiser's with advice regarding this, I would love your feedback. I'm hoping she'll stick to the 2.5-3 hr. schedule well enough that she'll sleep through the night (5-6 hrs.) by 8-10 weeks, even with the breastfeeding hurdle we faced. Zooey's super strong, as I mentioned in earlier posts! She can hold her head up during tummy time for much longer than the "3 seconds" I've read about in the books and stuff. She's also started smiling more this week and making different noises. I'm sure it won't be long now before she can smile in response to our smiles. She is just such an amazing gift, and we love her so much!

We continue to pray for Ryan's job situation. Six weeks is coming up quickly, and although I did tell my boss that I'm taking 12 weeks maternity leave, I'd like to be able to tell them I'm not coming back sooner than that. Our plan is for me to stay home and make it work. It will be tight, don't get me wrong, but it will be so worth it - for all of us. So...come mid-November, if there's no news from TSA, we will apply for private insurance and Ryan will try to find something else with benefits until TSA calls. Again, the insurance is really the big thing here, and we have enough in savings to pay for that for awhile. We both feel that home is where God wants me, so we are placing our trust in him. If I must work, I will find a part-time job somewhere eventually. It's super scary to trust. If we cannot find insurance, I will have to return to work...we just keep praying!!

The Struggle of Breastfeeding

Oh my. This is a "venting" post. Motherhood is fantastic, it really is. I look at our baby and think she is the most perfect, wonderful thing that God has ever placed on this earth. She is such a good baby! She hardly fusses, she is sleeping well at night, and she is just a joy.

Zooey underwent her tongue clipping procedure on Wednesday. She was in a little pain on Wednesday, and by Thursday she just seemed to be trying to figure out her new "free" tongue, wiggling it about and sticking it out. I'm sure it takes some getting used to; it's probably like having a whole new tongue or something after all she's known was the tongue-tied one.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know this is naiive, but even though I talked my unrealistic expectations down in my mind, I still expected her to be able to nurse immediately after the procedure and for breastfeeding to be bliss by Thursday. Obviously, my impatience has caused my hopes to be dashed.

OH MY GOSH BREASTFEEDING IS SO HARD!!!!!!!!!

I know not everyone has this many problems. Zooey will eat really good - latch on for 15 minutes per side, swallow, everything. The next feeding, she becomes a red-faced ball of frustration and heart-wrenching cries as she pushes me away, won't latch on or latches on and injures me then won't latch on well again. Sigh. I pray and I pray and I pray that breastfeeding will go well. I stay calm; when I get frustrated I give her the bottle as the lactation consultant suggested. I try to put her to breast after she eats, when she's calm - the other suggestion by the lactation consultant - but she falls asleep and won't do anything. I have another appointment on Monday, and all I can do is pray that God will guide the appointment and give me some new insight, tips a SNS...something to help this process along. Thankfully, I have milk, so I've been able to pump and feed it to her. She's still getting all the immunities and such. I'm tempted to look up exclusive pumping, but whenever I think about that, I remember that I am not one who gives up without a tough fight. Breastfeeding is important to me - the bonding, the closeness, the experience shared with mother and baby. Today is a day where I just feel I'm at the end of my breastfeeding rope. She was crying at the last feeding. I was crying at the last feeding. I loaded her up in her stroller and went on a quick power walk to bust the stress; it helped, and then Ryan, my sweet Ryan, got home and said, "I think you're doing a great job, babe. Let's wait until Monday. She'll have some ideas." And my sister called me and encouraged me saying a bottle isn't bad and wait until Monday. And my mom said to persevere, because I will look back someday (even if it doesn't work) and know that I tried everything I could. God is answering prayer, even if it's not the way I want. He's giving me encouragement through many forms, and it's encouragement I greatly appreciate.