A Public Confession

My soul has been grieving something for quite a while. I sinned…over a year ago, I sinned in the area of gossip, and I find that it’s still causing ripples of hurt, anger and discord to go out. Angry and hurt before God this morning, praying for conviction and reconciliation to happen, praying that instead of being one who instills discord I could be a peacemaker, He had me open to James 3:1-4:12. I began to read, and the more I read, the more tears started to fall out of my own heart being pricked by His Spirit. I was broken by the knowledge that my spark had set off a forest fire, turned harmony to chaos and cursed one made in His image (vv. 5-10). I had felt justified in my words (don’t we always?). I had been hurt by someone, and I hadn’t even began the conversations by attacking the person’s character but by simply replaying what had been said and done to me. By the end of the conversations, however, I am sure that some insults had been slung about…all in a very ‘round-the-bush-way, of course…I wouldn’t want to be “gossiping.” Don’t we always feel justified when we’re “venting”? Don’t we always feel justified when we say something like, “Don’t get me wrong, I care about this person, BUT…”?

I read further. “For where you find envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice” (v.16). What had my real ambitions been in these conversations? Surely part of it was truly from a broken heart, but more than that, it was to have someone on my side. To which God says, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still” (Ex. 14:14) and “Do not say, ‘I’ll pay you back for this wrong!’ Wait for the Lord, and He will deliver you” (Pr. 20:22). I should have left my complaints and God’s feet, perhaps asked for prayer without going into a myriad of details about the conflict. I should have asked God for wisdom, because He would have given that to me freely (Jas. 1:5). I may not have received it in my own timing, like I did the immediate feedback I got from talking to another human, but He would’ve answered. And “the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” He would’ve shown me what to do. The conviction ran deeper as I read “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives…” (Jas 4:1-3). My comments came from bitterness, hurt feelings and anger. My prayers stemmed from these motives, as well, and while I may have, I’m pretty certain I didn’t ask God to change those feelings within me. I’m pretty sure I prayed for reconciliation but no conviction on my part. How contrasting the motives are in 3:16 and 3:17 (“envy & selfish ambition versus pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere”).

As I sat with tears spilling down my cheeks, I silently prayed, “Oh, Jesus, how I need your Grace. Forgive me,” and my eyes fell on, “But He gives us more grace.” I am so humbled…I don’t deserve this. I deserve to, I don’t know, be made an outcast from people who I’ve hurt and caused discourse among. I deserve to have the same thing done to me. Mostly, I deserve death. Thank GOD He atoned for this sin by His Son’s sacrifice on the cross. Thank you, Lord!!

I re-read the passage to notice 3:2 “We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.” My footnotes say, “Since the tongue is so difficult to control, those who control it perfectly gain control of themselves in all other areas of life as well.” First came the conviction and the repentance, and as always, my Good God didn’t leave me there, but gave me something to apply to my life so I may grow up in Him. My prayer is that He will tame my tongue (v.8) and that my words will be a stream of fresh water to everyone I encounter (v.11).

You see, I’ve also been praying that God would work on my quick temper, especially with my daughter. Anger, of course, is a heart issue, but my careless words and quick, anger-based discipline have certainly caused her much pain. Father God gently but firmly showed me that my lack of self-control over my tongue is causing problems in many areas of my life. I am so thankful for His loving discipline. I don’t want to stay where I am. I want to mature and grow up in Him.

I am going to pray about this daily. I am going to present my mind to God (Rom. 12:1-2), obey Christ’s teachings (2 Cor. 10:5) and practice speaking helpfully. I cannot tame my own tongue; a tamed tongue comes from the renewal of my heart, and only He can do that. This is my prayer. Only He can reconcile hearts. I am praying His reconciliation and Love (Rom. 12:3-21).

I really felt I needed to make a public confession. Thank you for hearing. Thank God for His Grace and Mercy.

Thank You Jesus

Well, Thanksgiving's come and gone, and although I didn't spend as much time as I should have on the day pondering all that I am grateful for this year, I am pondering it now. Sure, we went around the table and talked about what we were thankful for, and my list looked something like this:

Jesus
Ryan
Zooey
Tennyson
Family and renewed relationships

My mind cannot wrap itself around my heart and all the feelings that are associated with that list. More than ever this year, I have been struck with my sin, especially my sinful habits, and just how undeserving I am of Jesus' love. His love is so rich, His grace is so abundant. I am fully undeserving, and it makes me appreciate His sacrifice so much more than I think I ever have. I am thankful for sanctification. I am thankful that Jesus has grabbed my hand and is taking me along a lifelong journey with Him, one on which He will never let me go, where I will end it by looking into His eyes, His sweet face, and be brought to glory, fully sanctified before Him. I am thankful, that even though it hurt my pride, that He showed me what sins I need to be rid of, and I'm so thankful that I don't have to do it on my own. I'm thankful He showed me just how much I was trying to do that and how I was sweeping some of it under the rug, so to speak, but that it was just damaging me more and more, and that He has claim over my heart, because He calls me daughter and He has healed me. I feel inadequate, so inadequate, to serve Him, but He has called me to teach His Word to little children and He has called me to be a mommy to two precious little ones...despite my inadequacy...and I am thankful I don't have to do that alone, either. I'm thankful that His Spirit gives me power and strength and words to speak and patience in the moment when I whisper those arrow prayers, because I am this.close to losing my mind. I am thankful that at the end of the day, when I often replay all my "mistakes," that He is gently reminding me that those shameful reminders do NOT come from Him, and He can make all things new.

I am thankful that Jesus held me when I was in the pit of postpartum anxiety, and I felt like my world was crashing down around me and I was losing my mind. I am thankful for the sisters in Christ that He gave me who prayed over me and the one He gave me who prayed for me in the middle of the night when she got up to pee, because she knew that's when my anxiety was the worst. For the friend who would listen and remind me of Jesus' strength and how He wasn't surprised but always has a plan. For the sisters who came up to me and confided that they too had battled it and were praying for me and let me know if I needed them they were there. I am thankful for Sarah who would listen and tell me I wasn't a bad person, who would text me prayers and who would remind me of the techniques I knew to help me calm down. I am thankful for Ryan, who I could be brutally honest with during that time, who listened then reaffirmed that I am sane and who would then hug me and pray with me. I am thankful that Jesus pulled me out of the pit, too. He is there, even in the darkest moments of our lives.

I am thankful for Ryan. I am thankful that God gave me someone who is so "chill" and doesn't indulge my every freak-out. I am thankful for the father he is, how he is silly and lets Zooey put tiaras on him and listens to her stories about Jake and Peter Pan, even when she's told them fifty times in an afternoon. I am thankful for his strength, for his sure and steady faith, for the ways he says, "No I'm not worried; God's not surprised," and the way he holds me as he prays over the concerns of our family and how he is a great model of how to leave it there with Jesus and stop dwelling on it.

I am thankful for my Zooey bug and the lessons God is teaching me through her. She is so kind, gentle, compassionate. She loves big and forgives easily. She is spunky and easygoing. She brings so much joy to my life!

I am thankful for my little Tennyson, who I prayed for for so long. He is a blessing from God! I look at his sweet face and am again in awe of the miracle of life and how God knits together little babies inside their mother's wombs.

I am thankful for Sarah and how God has brought us closer together through our little boys. I am so grateful that I get to study God's Word with her at BSF, which is something I got to do with my mom. I feel like God granted us this time together. I am thankful for her encouragement and love and prayers and the way she can make me laugh, sometimes harder than anyone else can. That girl is funny!

I am also thankful for time spent with family on Thanksgiving and for memories that will last a lifetime. For my dad and my grandma, who cared for me when I was a baby and who love my babies now. It was a blessed day!

Waiting in Goodness

  Tonight I am pondering how good God is. Our lesson at BSF this week was about Abram and the covenant God made with him. Abram said, "what can you give me since I have no children?" It's ok to openly pour out our hearts to God. He can take it. He is strong. We can be frustrated and sad and tell Him all about it. What's cool - really cool - is that He then will give us an answer when we earnestly seek Him. Does He have to? Nope. His Word is all we need; He tells us who He is and all He's done and is going to do, and that should honestly be enough to strengthen our faith and our resolve in Him. But He knows how frail our human minds are. Frail, and yet He gave us the ability to question. He gave us the emotions - all of them. Then He counts us as righteous when we believe His promises. God made the promise to Abram that he would have a son from his own body to inherit the land God had promised. Abram believed God when he looked up at those stars, and it was credited to him as righteous. He was made right with God through faith, not through anything he did. And even though he believed, even though God had shown him something mind-blowingly amazing He still gave more. I can picture Abram that night. I can imagine his eyes fresh with tears, not tears of sadness, but tears of joy at the incredibleness of God's promise. The hopeful tears that come when He shows us something really neat. I can imagine his voice, maybe a whisper as his mind still did not comprehend: "O Sovereign Lord, how can I know?" He wanted confirmation. As our leader said, concrete confirmation. How many times have I been there? God tells me something, I say, "Wow! OK!" Then two minutes later, I want to know all the details. God then gave Abram the covenant while, as my leader pointed out, Abram was asleep. God was the only condition of the covenant. And God is God, so His covenant was unconditional. Abram then had to wait upon the Lord. He didn't get all the details, and he still had to wait, but God gave him more than imaginable. Later in the story, we know God kept His Word. I'm praying about some stuff right now, and when I feel like God isn't listening...when I feel that it is so hard to wait and I cannot live one more minute without the details and the when/how/what are You going to do?!, He sent me this lesson. And to top it off, He sent me this lecture. And to give me even more beautiful confirmation that He is the God who tenderly hears my prayers, He sent me a lady who told me, "God told me to tell you: 'Don't be discouraged, Amber. I have heard your prayers.'" She knows nothing about my prayer. She doesn't know how long I've been praying and wanting an answer. Today I cried tears of joy and hope at the incredibleness of God. God is good. And it all rests on Him. He is the God of the impossible. He is the God who grants desires which He has placed in one's heart. He hears. While we wait, He's there.

I Believe: A Devotional

One of my favorite Christmas songs is "I Believe" performed by Natalie Grant. It begins: 

In a land far away, time stood still long ago...

As a woman, I think the lyrics to this song appeal to me, because right from the beginning, it sounds like a magical fairy tale. Can you relate? How many times as little girls did we watch "Cinderella" or "Snow White" or "Sleeping Beauty" dreaming of the day "our prince would come?" As a very small child, the stories were magical...true love, "happily ever after," talking animals. What could be better? Flash forward ten years, and the fairy tales were still watched, but then my heart made a desparate, fleeting wish for the prince to come. For me it was to rescue me from the mean girls at school. I could relate to poor Cinderalla and her evil step-sisters (and no, I'm not talking about my actual sisters!). Others of you were perhaps waiting to be rescued from bad family dynamics, poverty or other unfair situations beyond your control.  Flash forward another five (or maybe it was ten years for you), and I realized, somewhat bitterly, how untrue these fairy tales were. No one lives "happily ever after." Hearts are broken in love. The evil people do not always get what they deserve, and in fact sometimes they get rewarded for their bad deeds. The stories truly became fairy tales. 

The song goes on: 

There were shepherds in fields 

Or at least this how the story goes

The story goes

Woman with child and an inn with no room

Born in a manger foretelling a tomb

This is how the story goes

But it's more than a fable

And it's more than a fairytale

And more than my mind can conceive 

The world will tell us that Christianity is a fairytale religion, something we've made up to make ourselves feel better about the chaos that surrounds us. The world will tell us that the Bible is nothing more than a story book about a "good man" who walked the earth then died, giving us some good moral standards. 

What do you believe?

The song goes on:

Two thousand years

Still the story lives on
God's gift to us
Sent to earth 
Wrapped in flesh, 
His only Son
His only Son

Christmas is the "most wonderful time of the year" for many people. Christmas feels magical, what with all the lights and the snow (or fake snow - ha!) and of course all the wonderful food. Maybe for you, Christmas doesn't seem magical or wonderful. Maybe this year you're dreading the holiday...maybe you're missing a loved one or you're strapped for cash, and you don't know how you're going to make it as "magical" for your kids as you'd like. Maybe you hate Christmas every year, the commercialism or maybe the weight gain from all those special holiday treats (that fear comes from personal experience!). You see, though, all these things are so trivial in God's grand scheme of things. Let me be clear: I am NOT by any means saying your pain, grief or stress is trivial. I personally know and understand how much it hurts not to have a loved one around during the holidays. What I am saying, is many people, including Christians, tend to look at Christmas as a "fairy tale" time of year. Baby Jesus lying in a manger, peace on earth, good will toward men. It can be very "feel-good." God longs to woo us to see His big picture. It's more than a little baby lying peacefully in a manger. It's about the Savior that God offered for all humanity.

The song continues:

The heartbeat of heaven

Confounded our wisdom
But it's still the simple truth that sets me free

I believe

The Wisemen saw
The baby boy
the angels called teh Son of God
Heaven's child
the great I Am
Born to take away my sins
Through nail pierced hands
Emmanuel has come
And I believe

Precious child how can it be

That God's great plan for His story
Would send You to the lonely tree
That You would come for one like me

Jesus Christ, born as a baby, worshiped by shepherds and wise men while the sky was filled with angels - that is indeed miraculous. That He would step down from His place in Heaven and become a lowly child - that's amazing. What confounds wisdom even more than that, though, is God's ultimate plan for this sweet baby was to experience every imaginable human circumstance, including emotional and physical pain beyond our own understanding for us. 

The last verse of the song

I believe in a cross, I believe He came for one, He came for all

Heaven's child became a man, gave His life for me
In spite of all I am
I believe, I believe,
OH, I believe!
Christmas lives in me
I believe

You see, we celebrate Jesus Christ this time of year, because He was born to be "pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds, we are healed." This precious baby came, so that you could experience a spiritual rebirth and be pure, like a baby, before God. Pure from all your sin. Pure from the guilt that just won't let go. Freed from slavery and death. Jesus said in John 3, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again.'" Christmas is a celebration of God's Son, fully God and fully Man. He knew what He was getting into when He put on skin and lay in that manger. And He did it for YOU. When He went to that cross as a man, He looked down through history and He saw your face! Jesus longs for us to admit that we are sinners in need of a Savior and to call on Him in full belief that He is the One who saves, confessing our sins before Him and asking Him to change us from the inside out. We who have accepted Christ carry the miracle of Christmas in us year round. 

- Does Christ live in you? If you'd like to make sure He does, contact me. Don't wait; let Him in and see how He makes all things new!

- If you are a Christian, how will you actively respond to Christ this season by making Him the focal point of your celebrations in your own heart and in your family?

- Those of you who are grieving, who are in pain this Christmas season: will you take to heart the promise that Jesus experienced grief and pain and that you can turn to Him in full honesty and expectently ask for His comfort, and even His joy this holiday season?  

Your prince has come, girls! It's more than a fairytale, even if it confounds our human knowledge. You can be part of the most epic love story every told.

 

30 Day Journey, Days 12-27

I know I've been a little silent on this journey. However, that definitely doesn't mean God hasn't been working. As I wrapped up my final day in my "No Other gods" study by Kelly Minter, God really made it clear to me what He's been doing in the last 27 days. When I began this study eight weeks ago, I didn't put down entertainment as one of my idols. I felt that I spent a relatively small amount of time sitting in front of the TV or reading or whatever. The last two days we spent time in the book of Ruth. In Ruth, we see God's provision and His timing. The future probably looked pretty bleak to Ruth as she set out from Moab with Naomi to Judah. Her husband had died, she had no children, there was no man to provide for them (big deal in those days), she was leaving her family & friends and her gods. She was commited to helping Naomi, though, and she went. Just so happens, on her first day in the barley field, Boaz showed up and went beyond his duty to help her and her family and had the workers leave extra barley behind for her to pick up. At the end of the book, Naomi is able to have an heir through Ruth & Boaz's baby, Obed. Blessed beyond belief! This is surely not what Naomi & Ruth thought they had ahead of them as they left Moab. God did that, and He continues to do this today. He clicks the pieces of the puzzles we call life together to form a beautiful picture of His grace and provision. I was taken aback by Him this morning, as I realized how perfect His timing was in asking me to do this 30 day journey of purity. Maybe I didn't spend much time on entertainment  (because what Mom has time for that, am I right?!), but I was using it as a coping skill, like I've talked about before.  I would stay up reading, because I didn't want to think about my problems. When we did watch TV at night, Ryan & I weren't spending real quality time together. Personally,  some shows and books were desensitizing me to what God's Word calls sin. This all clicked this morning. By setting aside entertainment, I've been able to grieve the anniversary of my mom's death by turning to God. He has brought healing through my tears and through the moments where I am awake at 3:00am and all I can think about is her, so I turn to Him and pray. He has brought me and Ryan closer through card games and conversation and real quality time. He has enabled me to be bold in my beliefs and what He's called me to do and to care less what others think about my choices. God's timing is perfect. I realized today that time spent isn't necessarily the only clue that something is an idol in our lives, and God showed me how removing it and making room for Him has blessed me abundantly - even in this short month! How good and amazing and wonderful is He! 

What a week!

This song has been in my head this week, and I was surprised and joyful that we got to sing a portion of it at church this morning! This week was one of those weeks where I just saw God's mighty hand at work in the intimate details, and it was truly so sweet to trust Him.

I hit (another!) car at the zoo this week while I was parking. It's kind of a long story, but it turns out we didn't have insurance on the car for three months (it was still in my dad's name, and I'd been lazy about getting it registered). I was SO freaked out about what the consequences were going to be. As I waited for the person to call me, I prayed - a lot - and had my friends pray, too. Ryan was unbelievably gracious about the whole thing. It really touched my heart how sweet and calm he was about it, especially considering I hit a car at the gym like three months ago (clear the roads, people! Just kidding!). As a side note, I am REALLY trying to park slower and pay extra careful attention before I pull into a spot. Anyway, the man called me and said, "Let's just let this go. I'm not going to file anything." He ended the call by saying "God bless you." WOW!

Some friends of mine from church for whom I have been praying for found out that there three boys are now able to be adopted. Praise God! If you were to see this family, you would just KNOW that these boys belong with them. God is so good.

Although this is somewhat embarrassing ::blushes::, I am still going to put it out there. I started reading this the day after I started my 30 day journey to purity. This is the same author of The Magic Mike post. One of her thoughts in that post was that our time spent reading erotic books and watching movies like this would be spent well steaming up our own marriage. Without getting too personal, I will say this series has opened up a lot of dialogue between Ryan and me. It's been great.

We've been visiting Calvary and listening to a series on marriage, Keep Calm & Marry On. God is definitely working in our marriage. He is opening my eyes to be more appreciative of Ryan and showing me the importance of respecting him. It's been a really good series. Skip's teachings are available for download. I'd recommend listening. It's been one of those great weeks that God gives us sometimes, where we're allowed to see magnified glimpses of His holiness, provision and goodness even in the midst of the busy-ness. Praise God for a wonderful week!

30 Day Journey, Days 8-11

I tell you what, I cannot believe it's been four days since my last post! Last week was busy! Besides having to run lots of errands, I also spent 2 1/2 days cleaning up my backyard. I feel so empowered, because I used the leaf blower all on my own! :)

I was more consistent this past week with getting up early in the morning and spending time with the Lord before I did anything else. What a huge difference that made in my day! Just that sweet time spent prepared me to be more patient, to see God's hand at work and readily praise Him and reminded me to pray more frequently throughout the day. I have noticed on days I spend with the Lord, I am more prone to stop and pray with Zooey (or by myself) when it seems like a situation is getting frustrating or my anger is rising up in me. It truly makes a difference. Moms (& Dads) - if you are having a hard day with your little ones, I'd really encourage you to do this. Of course, the principle applies to any relationship, really, but I've noticed that after praying with Zooey she often (in fact, 9/10 times) becomes calmer and is more apt to obey. God is amazing! Little miracles...

As I sat down to my study (No Other Gods, by Kelly Minter), I really identified with something she said about the experience of Christianity. She said if she could change anything about her early Christian experience, she "would switch the percentage of time (I'm guessing about 90%) spent on focusing on all the 'bad' things in my life that weren't supposed to be there with the 10% spent focusing on Christ. I fear we have this terribly backward. We spend too much time trying to rid ourselves of rebellion, lust, jealousy, materialism, drug addictions, and whatever other idols rule our lives, while spending this minuscule amount of time on knowing the One True God."

I have such a guilt complex that I totally relate to this. I know in my heart of hearts that Jesus died to set me free from guilt. I know that guilt is from Satan. God has worked mightily in my life in the last four years about guilt. Praise God! However, there are those moments when I just royally screw up before His throne, I go against His Word, and I am overwhelmed with guilt sometimes to the point that it consumes my every thought and emotion. Have you ever been there? The opposite should be true. We should consume our every thought with God's grace and Jesus' amazing character. Will we become perfect when we do this? No! Of course not; we're human. BUT - when we truly open our eyes and our hearts to all that Jesus has done to cover our multitude of sins, it gives us a heart that longs to please Him with our whole self, so the sin stuff starts to fade away and we start to live out our faith. James 4:7-9 says, "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." When we see our sin for the ugliness that it is, the Spirit causes us to yearn for God and to worship Him with our lives in ways that are impossible on our own.

In Isaiah 55:1-9, God called the Israelites (and us) to "come" 3 times, "listen"/"hear"/"give ear" 4 times and to "eat" 2 times. We're also called to "delight," "seek," "see," "call" and "turn." You're probably reading this and going, "So?" All of this comes back to what God's heart for us, found in verse 2: "...and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Why settle for the measly temporary pleasure that sin provides, when God promises to delight us, to satisfy us, with His rich blessing?

Will you come to the Lord, eat of His good Word, give ear and listen to what He has to say, see Jesus for the King He is, seek the Lord while He may still be found and "call on Him when He is near?" I think if you do, you'll be awestruck by the way He satiates your soul with His love. This, my friends, is the key to being able to live a pure and holy life.

30 Days, Day 1-2

Hello! Wouldn't you know it, yesterday morning started off with some snags? Since I've been sick, I've been sleeping in to catch up on some much needed rest. I got up, fed Zooey breakfast and put her in roomtime, all set to do have my quiet time. This was the day that she decided to cry and cry about roomtime - which, by the way, she hasn't done in I don't even know how long. She was just inconsolable, so I got her out. I never did get the chance to sit down and really get into the Word; however, I was able to do my devotional on parenting. 

The immediate struggles I faced with cutting out TV (well, inappropriate ones) was that I am not really able to watch TV with Ryan at night. This posed a problem, because he is the type who  has to watch TV to unwind and be able to go to sleep at night. The first night, I wanted to be alone for a bit anyway, to read my Bible and pray, as I was really missing my mom. I needed to grieve with Jesus, so I took the time to do that. Last night, he was watching a show that had some raunchy kind of humor to it, so I read the news on my iPad and listened to some Christian music until he was done with that show. Then we kind of watched a game show until it was time for bed. Another thing that was hard for me was to hit the gym yesterday without my usual playlist. I really do enjoy Christian music, and in fact listen to it most of the time while driving, at home, etc. When I'm working out, I like music with a good beat, that's energizing, and let's be honest - a lot of Christian music is just a little too soft. So, that was a challenge. I ended up playing Natalie Grant and skipping over a lot of the softer, slower songs. These are some struggles I've noticed so far.

Now, for the good things. I have found when I have a bit of downtime, I'm looking to my Bible or other devotional app on the iPad to read a plan. Listening to Christian music while working out left me with more positive feeling, because I was praising the Lord while I worked out. Even two days in, I'm seeing that I'm connecting with Him a little more often than I normally do. I find I am also a little more sensitive to what's around me, even when I'm at home, and that's good. Instead of clicking on a link or keeping my attention focused on the TV show that's on, I'm turning away from things that aren't filling my mind with something godly. 

Philippians 4:8-9 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard form me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

The key to peace is to keep my focus on God and the things that He deems true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. While it is nice sometimes just to veg out and be entertained, it shouldn't become our main escape. Jesus should. He is an escape that will leave us feeling full. All the other stuff fades and still leaves us with a sense of "what do I do now?" I saw this the other night when instead of reading or watching TV to escape my feelings about my mom, I read the Bible and talked to the Lord. I felt like a little bit of that weight had been lifted, and I felt encouraged to know that He is always with me and will carry that burden and get me through it.

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will." Like my friend said when we were talking about this, how does a novel or TV show help to renew our minds and transform us into the person God wants us to be? Again, I do not feel that all TV or all novels are inerrantly bad. I do think it is important for us as Christians to be aware that things we read and watch DO effect us. That's why it's so important that the time we spend with God is the most important time of our day. Earnestly seeking Him will lead to a conviction if our choice of entertainment is something we should avoid. And of course, His Word is very clear about what is sinful and what is not, so if our entertainment is not in line with what He would be ok with, then it's probably not something we should be entertained by.

If you're along for the ride on this journey, I'd love to hear what's been good or bad for you. Please comment!

A 30 Day Journey of Purity

As I mentioned here entertainment can be a problem for me. I have been reading some great blogs lately about "Magic Mike" and "50 Shades of Grey." If you'd like to read those articles, here are the links: http://melissajenna.com/2012/06/30/50-shades-of-magic-mike-in-which-i-am-very-uncool/ http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/07/magic-mike-marriage-and-womens-libido/ After reading these articles, I hit the little "Like" button for Facebook at the bottom of the page. It was pointed out to me by someone that "people can't selectively (say) one thing is inappropriate when they divulge in inappropriate things themselves." Good point. I'll get back to this in a minute. Right now, "Magic Mike" and "50 Shades of Grey" are all the rage. The books are still topping the charts on Amazon as of this morning. The media is in a craze about both. There are articles, blog entries, spots on TV news about both "MM" and "50," and I have heard people I know talking about them, posting about them on Facebook or Twitter. These are things that are being called "mommy porn" by some of the bloggers I read who have read these books. Some of these women like the "mommy porn." Some of them are against it. Some are Christians; some are not. God has called Christians to a different standard of living. While "50 Shades of Grey" (or more!) may be popular in the society we live in, God only has two: holy and unholy. His Word makes this very clear. Sin is either a black or white; there are no gray areas. Last Sunday, I heard a pastor say, "Instead of asking ourselves, 'how far is too far?,' we should be asking ourselves, 'how holy is too holy? how pure is too pure?'" This has been running through my mind all week, and then I received the above comment. That is why I am going on a fast from secular entertainment for 30 days. 1 Peter 1:15 says "But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy." My prayer when I studied this in BSF last year was that the Lord would make me pure and blameless, a woman whose life is pleasing to the Lord. When I look at what Christ gave for me to set me free, so that I could live, my heart and soul burst with the desire to give all that I can to Him. This includes my time, and my time spent on entertainment that does not lead to godliness seems wasted. I think of a recent book I read, how there was cursing on practically every page. It had a good plot. It had interesting characters. Even though God put it on my heart to stop reading it, I disobeyed Him. And you know, it did seep in. I didn't think it would. I rationalized my sin and disobediene, because I wanted to continue on, to find out what happened. But isn't it interesting, how when I started to get mad, profanity would come into my angry thoughts (as if they weren't bad enough on their own). Garbage in, garbage out. I love 1 Corinthians 7:23, which says, "You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men." When all I can think about is the book I'm reading, when I do that but don't read my Bible, I'm becoming a slave to it little by little. James 1:21-25 says, "Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. DO WHAT IT SAYS. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." God has given me, and all Christians, the amazing opportunity to grow closer to Him and become more like Him through the Holy Spirit's sanctifying work. But if I am too focused on the world around me to focus on Him, the world starts to hold a greater place in my heart and I lose focus of what's really important, the true life that Christ came to give me. I am not just biding time here on this earth. I am here for a purpose, first and foremost to worship God with my whole life and being and to tell others about Him. So, this is a first post in many on God's work of purification in my heart in the area of entertainment. I invite you to join me. Will you take the challenge to cut out your favorite TV show for a month? Believe me - it's going to be hard for me to miss "Burn Notice" for a whole month! Will you put your secular novel on hold and join me in replacing that time with reading the Bible or a devotional or another Christian book? Will you commit with me to read the Bible daily for the next 30 days? Will you join me in cutting out secular music and praising God when you have music on? I am praying for myself and for you that God will grow your relationship in Him during this fast and will give you a heart that desires Him above all else and one that can see the things of the world a little bit more clearly through the spiritual glasses He's given us through the Spirit.

Fear

God is so good. Two weeks ago, I did not get my Bible study complete. I am catching up on that week this week. God placed the lessons I missed on today's calendar for a reason. I really struggle with fear. Like, a LOT. I suffer from anxiety, first of all, but I tend to let my anxious thoughts control my mind too much. Today I learned that fear isn't an idol, but the things we fear often are our idol. When asked the question "how does fear play into one of your main functional gods," the Lord gave me with sudden clarity the main things I fear: being abandoned, being disliked, loss of a loved one. This plays into my functional god, which is others opinions of me and my own self feeling secure. I like to be comfortable; I don't like to hurt. I also realized how afraid I am to let go of my fear (crazy, I know), because letting go means admitting how little control I really have over the things that fear me. I have had this revelation before, but for some reason today it really stood out to me. Last night was a rough mom night. I can often feel the rough moments of my grief building up. What do I do? I distract myself. Or I try to run away (literally - sometimes I'll workout to take my mind off it). The feeling of a complete and utter meltdown is SCARY to me. I don't like it. I don't like feeling that much pain. Why I try to escape, I don't know...I know the pain is going to hit whether I let it then or later. Notice the pattern, though: I avoid it or I refocus my attention on something else (those things that I sometimes let become little gods - entertainment, fitness). Reading a book or going for a run are good things, however, when I let them take the place of God, they're not. As I finally collapsed in His arms last night, I realized how much more comforting His Word is and the knowledge of His character are than any of the other stuff. He brings peace. The other stuff may distract me or take me away from a moment of grief, but they still leave me with a feeling of edginess, because I know it's going to catch up to me. So, I finally told Him. I told Him all the things that scare me, the things I don't want to think about. July is approaching, and last July was really rough. I don't like thinking about how I knew she was going to die soon, how she (seemingly) rapidly went from being ok to being bed-ridden, how the terminal aggitation was heartbreaking. I don't like to think about the family celebrations we had last July (the 4th and Zooey's early birthday party), because right now all I can think about is the little things like my mom not eating very much or being so weak she couldn't help us in the kitchen. The good memories are hard to remember. I don't like to think about the end, especially when those thoughts overcome the good memories. God held me and let me know that I need to process all of that, and He's there. I clicked the Bible app on my phone, and the verse that lit up the dark was Psalm 27:14 - "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." He's going to get me through this. God is so sweet. I woke up this morning still feeling sad, and He gave me a bunch of verses on fear to look at. The ones that stood out to me the most were: Psalm 112:7 - "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Psalm 56:3-4a - "When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid." The grief will fade in time. I have no reason to fear. My God is great, He is with me. He will walk me through the valley to the other side. Although my mom is gone from this world, my God tells the truth, and I know she's with Him. The truth He whispered to me last night is true: the same arms that hold her there hold me here. That's so comforting to know.

Hannah

This morning I read the story of Hannah, a story I haven't read in a long time. It's found in 1 Samuel 1-2. Background: Hannah's hubby, Elkanah also has another wife, Peninnah. Peninnah had kids, but Hannah had none, even though she wanted them desperately. It is noted that Elksnah "loved" Hannah (not noted about Peninnah) and he brought Hannah double portions of meat. Peninnah would provoke Hannah to the point of tears and loss of appetite. I can only imagine what she said to Hannah; my guess is is had something to do with how she had children and Hannah didn't. Hannah cried out to God in her anguish and told Him that if she ever had a child, she would dedicate him to the Lord. The priest thought she was drunk because he could see on her face how heartfelt her prayer was. So, Hannah and Elkanah go on their way, and v20 says, "in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, 'Because I asked the Lord for him.'" Hannah didn't go up to Shiloh to make the annual offering with Elkanah, but said she would go later once the child was weaned. My footnote says it was common in that part of the world to nurse a child to the age of three or longer because their was no to keep the milk sweet. Hannah weans Samuel, takes him to the priest (Eli, the one who saw her praying) and dedicates Samuel to the service of the Lord. "So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life, he will be given over to the Lord. And he worshiped the Lord there." (v28) Hannah then prays a beautiful prayer in ch. 2 of thanksgiving and praise to God. Here's the part that really stood out to me: Hannah gave this long-awaited child to the Lord. She literally left him with Eli to help him with his priestly duties and to be trained up in the Lord. A 3 (or 4? Or 5?) year old. Wow. It's so hard for me to imagine that. Here's the thing, though: Hannah's joy was not in the child but in the Lord who answered her prayer. She knew Samuel belonged to the Lord, that he was a gift on loan to her from God. She dedicated her son fully to the cause of the Lord without any hesitation because she was overjoyed at what the Lord can do. I have to be honest, I think I'd be holding on pretty tight. But the fact is, Zooey too is God's kid on loan to me. I am responsible for training her up in the way she should go and then letting her go to do God's work. Even now, He is working in her heart. Even before she was born, He had something in mind for her to do with her life that will glorify Him. Although it is hard, I am called to entrust her to Him 100%, because He loves her and dreams bigger for her than I ever could. My prayer is that God will help me to raise her in Him and to let her go when it's time.

Looking for Loopholes

I'm doing a summer Bible study with a group of wonderful girls from the book "No Other gods" by Kelly Minter. The book takes you on a journey looking at modern-day idols and eliminating them from your life. It's been good. Today's study was especially good. If there is one idol I tend to let in my life again and again, it's definitely entertainment. The header for today's study reads, "Behind every false god is a door we've left open." ("The Living Room Series: No Other Gods, Confronting Our Modern-Day Idols", Kelly Minter, p.67). The Scripture was from 2 Timothy 3:1-16. When looking at a list of godlessness, we see: - people who are lovers of themselves - lovers of money - boastful - proud - abusive - disobedient to their parents - ungrateful - unholy - without love - unforgiving - slanderous - without self-control - brutal - not lovers of the good - treacherous - rash - conceited - lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying it's power The book asks how you see these characteristics in the media today? I know all of my favorite shows came to mind, a book I recently read, a song I recently downloaded on iTunes...Sin is everywhere. Paul says "HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM." Here's the tricky thing: as this alluring entertainment worms its way into our homes and gains control (v6), we try to worm our way out of conviction...or at least I know I do. I argue with God, and the dialogue goes something like this: "Just one more week God; I have to know what happens with ___ ." Or, "I'm strong enough in my faith to know that that's wrong." "It's mindless TV; it's not going to hurt anything." As I was typing out this list, I was also convicted of the part that says "lovers of pleasure, rather than lovers of God." How many times do I forego Bible study and prayer in my day or squeeze in a "quicky" to appease my guilt then spend hours watching TV or reading a book? Minter says on p. 68, "To think that we are unaffected by what we watch, read, or listen to is deceptive thinking...But Paul had a reason for saying, 'Have nothing to do with them.'" Note now the things Scripture is useful for in 2 Tim. 3:16: - teaching - rebuking - correcting and training in righteousness - equipping men of God thoroughly for every good work Entertainment can't quite do that, can it? I'm deceived into thinking I am ok, then my mind is dulled to sin. I start seeing sexual immorality and caring more about who gets together than whether or not it is sinful, I let curse words into my line of thinking and soon enough they slip into my own mindful reactions (or worse yet I say them out loud) when I'm frustrated. I worry over my marriage, why it can't be "that" way or why my husband is not as chivalrous as the man on the TV show or the main character in my book. I feel guilty over not being the supermom portrayed in the sitcom. In my own life, I am definitely seeing how Satan sneaks in there, under the guise of entertainment and "feel-good" to put lies in my heart. The solution, as Paul says in v.14-15 is to "continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through Christ Jesus." Entertainment can't make you wise in the things of God. There have been times, as I mentioned before, that God has called me to cut out a TV show or stop reading a book, and I argue. I look for loopholes, as Minter calls them, because I am sad that I will have to stop watching a show I love or won't find out what happens. Simply put, I wish I wasn't convicted (or maybe that the conviction is so knawing?), because I don't want to stop. But, I love what she says on p. 70, "...true conviction doesn't look for loopholes, and it isn't sad...As we rid it from our lives we will be hopeful with anticipation, anxious to see what God will do with this newly-created space. We will not look for loopholes. We will be resolved. We will know that we are in a position to gain, not to be stolen from any longer." I am asking God what He wants me to cut out and for the ability to obey immediately with a sense of thanksgiving and joy.

The More than Enough

How many times have you thought, "I'm a good person, I follow God, so why is my life turning out this way?" Or maybe you've thought it about others? I know I for sure thought it when my mom got diagnosed with cancer and died so quickly. I definitely thought it as I watched the painful end. I read the story of King Hezekiah of Judah before, but today it especially touched me. You can read it here: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Chronicles%2031:20-32:23&version=NIV. Anyway, note that Hezekiah was good and right and faithful before the Lord his God. He also undertook everything (service in God's temple and obedience to the law & commands) with a heart seeking God and working wholeheartedly. Sound like a guy who "deserved" to get his kingdom attacked? Not so much... So, Sennacherib comes into the picture, cocky and confident that he will be able to capture Judah, just like he has captured many other cities under the reign of other gods. Except, he doesn't realize that the Lord God of Jerusalem is not just any other little-g-god. His plan fails, His army is annihilated, he retreats to his own town and his own god's temple, where his kids kill him. How many times have I depended on something of this world to save me? How many times have I been deceived that I can do it on my own, or modern medicine can prove to be a fix (not that there's anything wrong with modern medicine), or I just need to "X" or have "X" and I'll be safe, I'll be complete? Hezekiah kept his focus. His people kept their focus. And they were blessed. Far too often lately, I've been trying to do life on my own, merely squeezing in a little prayer at the end of the bed and then falling asleep on God. Far too often lately I've been looking to my own devices to make me feel ok: my exercise regimine, my husband, my kiddo's smile, an entertaining book to let my mind escape. All that is good and fine and has it's own place, but I've been making myself, my pleasure, my hopes & ideals a god. I am so selfish. I am so thankful God is good enough to remind me of my need for Jesus as a Savior. I've been deceived that I deserve my rest and relaxation more than I need my time with the Lord. Thank You, God for the humbling reminder that time with You is better and that keeping my focus on You in the midst of trials brings blessing. You are SO good!

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

God is so good. Seriously! Remember my last post? Pretty depressing, right? Well...after asking some friends to pray and praying myself, I got my "Our Daily Bread" devotional open on my phone to read this (see March 20th: http://odb.org/). How good is our God?! I love Him so much. Does He have to stoop down low and listen to my cries? No. But He chooses to love me despite ME. I love the passage that was given for today's reading. A reading I studied in BSF only two months ago...how quickly I forget, yet how GREAT of God to remind me.

¹³ "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. ¹⁴ For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. ¹⁵ According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶ For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷ After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. ¹⁸ Therefore encourage one another with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.

Thank you, Jesus, for the sweet reminder that I will be reunited to my mom. Thank you for reminding me that Your plan spans eternity. Even though the last year has been a painful, seemingly looong time in my existence, You have reminded me that You are Omnipotent, You are Good and Fair and Just, and this pain is just a blip on the grand scale of Your plan for me. Lord, I am so thankful that You see me seated with You right now in the heavenly realms, even though I can't see that far yet. You are beyond Good, You are Perfect and Lovely. Thank you for choosing to love me. Thank you for enabling me to seek You out. Thank You that you mysteriously, amazingly somehow make the bitter times sweeter than I could have even imagined by drawing me nearer and nearer to You. I love You. Amen.

^"6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:6-10

No Condemnation

I used to have a huge guilt complex. I still kind of do, actually. I used to look at God as a Father who punished. I used to look at the bad things that happened not as an opportunity to show that God's grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) but as a punishment for the sins I had committed. I am so immensely grateful for the book of Romans and the opportunity I had six years ago to study it in depth at BSF. God really broke a lot of these chains of guilt as I studied that book. I learned that He suffered to make me free, I learned about grace and how I could never, ever meet His standards of the Law on my own, but that we need Jesus in order to be sanctified and have a relationship with God. We cannot ever be "good enough" on our own. I continue to fall more and more in love with Jesus every time I open His Word. I continue to be struck in awestruck humility at His choice to come to earth and extend me mercy and grace.

At church on Sunday, we studied John 7:53-8:12, which is the story of the adulterous woman who was brought before Jesus for judgment. As Jesus wrote in the sand (the tenth commandment? the Pharisees' sins? who knows but God alone) and the Pharisees dropped their rocks, only Jesus the Perfect, sinless One and the woman remained. Now, Jesus who is God-Man, could've taken the opportunity to condemn her for her sins. He could've punished her. However, He chose to extend grace and mercy to her. He still hated the sin, but He let her go, telling her, "Go now and leave your life of sin" (8:11b).

In BSF this week we are studying Ephesians, which is described in the notes as presenting the "theme of the believer's relationship to Christ. Perhaps nowhere in all of Scripture is the believer's own preciousness to Christ and to God so gloriously revealed as in Ephesians." How precious to know that God has included this sweet part in His love letter to us. With the Holy Spirit's help, He enables us to be enlightened to the words of the Bible, in order that we may know "the riches of His glorious inheritance" (Ephesians 1:18b). God doesn't want us to remain in guilt, focused on our sin. He wants us to know "the rich glory of His inheritance in every one of His saints is to know our value to Him and to be enabled to approach Him with great confidence and joy." (BSF Notes, Acts of the Apostles, Less. 23, p. 6). Praise God for His rich grace and love, so that I no longer have to be stuck in the mindset of a guilty conscience or feel like I'm being punished.

Finally, our pastor gave a wonderful quote yesterday, which I'd like to share with you. "So when the devil throws your sins in your face and declares that you deserve death and hell, tell him this: 'I admit that I deserve death and hell, what of it? For I know that One who suffered and made satisfaction on my behalf. His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, and where He is there I shall be also!'" - Martin Luther.

Are you still holding onto your past sins, remaining in your guilt, punishing yourself with your thoughts of inadequacy to ever be good enough? When will you give it to God who set you free in Christ so that you can share in His glorious inheritance?

Do EVERYTHING

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23

God has been speaking to me about doing everything to His glory. Ephesians  1:4-6 says, "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love, He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with His pleasure and will - to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves." God has lavished His grace on us by the sacrifice of His Son to give me life. I need to live a life of thanksgiving that brings Him praise and honor. This is not just a life that goes to church on Sundays or prays when I need something. No, this is a life that gives Him praise in EVERYTHING I do. The way I live is to be a praise offering. When I'm "picking up toys on the living room floor for the fifteenth time today," scraping stuck oatmeal out of the microwave, cleaning the toilet, scooping the cat litter, doing my gazillionth load of laundry...when I'm worshiping the Lord at church or teaching a child a memory verse...when I'm having a conversation or choosing a TV show to watch. All of these things are to bring God glory, so that others may see Him in me and praise Him, too. The ultimate goal of my life here on earth is not to be comfortably conformed to a worldly way of life, merely going with the flow, working with an attitude of resentment or resignation or trying to fit in; it is to be holy and blameless in God's sight. This is not a comfortable call, but I am confident it is one that will bring my Lord pleasure. And honestly, I want that more than anything else. How about you?

How do you view God?

How do you view God? Do you view Him as someone who is a "higher power" that you seek when times get tough or you need a new promotion, or healing, or...whatever? Do you view Him as someone who sits on high allowing turmoil without doing anything to stop it or protect the innocent? Do you view Him as Loving, but not also full of righteous wrath? Or perhaps you view Him the opposite, full of wrath with no love. Do you see God as non existent? Or is He your All in All? Or do you feel you're somewhere in the middle - not "too religious," but you have a "healthy respect?"

God's character never changes. He is Love all the time. He is also Judge all the time, but His justified wrath is the far opposite of what our human anger is; His judgement and anger is deserved. God cannot be around sin, because He is also always Holy; "the wages of sin is death" (Rom. 6:23).

You might wonder, "why do bad things happen, if God is so loving, if He is so Fair?" Why is my loved one dying of cancer? Why is there war? Why is there famine? Abuse? Devastation? Why did my spouse cheat? Why can't I get pregnant? Why are the kids mean to me at school? Why can't I have the family I so desparately long for? Why am I alone? Doesn't God see?! Doesn't He care? Surely not, perhaps you reason, or else He wouldn't let this happen.

To answer the question with a rather broad stroke, human beings must suffer all kinds of things because of our sinful nature. When Eve disobeyed God and took that bite of fruit in Genesis 3, all of humanity was effected. No longer were we a race who could walk & talk with God, no...sin separates us from Him. Unfortunately, we also fight with our loved ones, cheat, lie, get sick and die and so many other things, many done out of our selfish will. So some suffering is unfortunately inevetiable until the day Jesus returns to judge and every knee bows and every tongue confesses Him as Lord. Second, sin bears consequences. Sin against our bodies bears consequences. Sin against others hurts ourselves and others, sometimes on a very huge scale. The only way to be reconciled to God is through Jesus Christ who took our sin on the cross to pay the full penalty for it.

God doesn't want our happiness to be in the pleasures of this world. There are certainly good things that He's given to us; many of our desires are healthy (marriage, having a baby, having food to eat, having there be peace in our own family and worldwide). The problem comes in when we make these things an idol (something we place above God in our lives). The problem comes when you would do anything to get what you want: lie, cheat, steal, hurt someone else, turn your back on the right way of living God has called you to. God wants to be first in our hearts. Why? Because He loves us. He wants His best for us. What is His best? Holiness. Heaven. Communion with Him. The blessings that come with a life of serving Him.

Let me be clear: there is no middle ground with God. You are either for Him or against Him (John 8:42-47). He wants all of you. He doesn't want just the Sunday-church-going-person who then goes out into the week and doesn't give Him a second thought. He wants to walk with you daily. He wants you to talk to Him in prayer about more than just your urgent problems; He is Holy and deserves our praise, our confession and our thanksgiving in addition to hearing our pleas. He wants to talk to you daily through His living and active Word. He says that the Bible is "God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Tim. 3:16-17). He wants you to open it and hear from Him about what to do about your current problem. He wants to give you hope for that situation you think is unbearable. Are you on the fence? Do you think that the claim to being a Christian is enough, that you don't need Him to change you? Do you think that the stuff you do that displeases Him is ok, because, hey, you're "already forgiven?" God desires sanctification (for us to be made holy). He didn't just send Jesus to give us a free pass to act however we want.

God never ever changes. But we do. Do you want to be changed for Him, or do you want to stay the same? I'm not going to sit here and say the process is always 100% comfortable. I'm not going to say that when you accept Jesus or decide to finally take the next step with Him He's been calling you to take that your will is always going to like it. Most of the time, you probably won't. I'm not going to tell you that all your problems will go away. What I will say, and I can promise, because the Bible promises, is that if you fully hand your situations over to God and ask for Him to be glorified in the midst of your suffering, that He will use you for His Glory and not waste your pain, that He will do just that. And He'll grow you up in Him in the process. And let me tell you, even though it sometimes hurts like any growing pains do, it is so well worth it in the end.

"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what the nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you." Romans 8:5-9

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and the knowledge of God. How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor? Who has ever given to God that God should repay him? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen." Romans 11:33-36

"Therefore,we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternl." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God." 2 Corinthians 7:1

If you would like to know how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please e-mail me.