The Struggle of Breastfeeding

Oh my. This is a "venting" post. Motherhood is fantastic, it really is. I look at our baby and think she is the most perfect, wonderful thing that God has ever placed on this earth. She is such a good baby! She hardly fusses, she is sleeping well at night, and she is just a joy.

Zooey underwent her tongue clipping procedure on Wednesday. She was in a little pain on Wednesday, and by Thursday she just seemed to be trying to figure out her new "free" tongue, wiggling it about and sticking it out. I'm sure it takes some getting used to; it's probably like having a whole new tongue or something after all she's known was the tongue-tied one.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know this is naiive, but even though I talked my unrealistic expectations down in my mind, I still expected her to be able to nurse immediately after the procedure and for breastfeeding to be bliss by Thursday. Obviously, my impatience has caused my hopes to be dashed.

OH MY GOSH BREASTFEEDING IS SO HARD!!!!!!!!!

I know not everyone has this many problems. Zooey will eat really good - latch on for 15 minutes per side, swallow, everything. The next feeding, she becomes a red-faced ball of frustration and heart-wrenching cries as she pushes me away, won't latch on or latches on and injures me then won't latch on well again. Sigh. I pray and I pray and I pray that breastfeeding will go well. I stay calm; when I get frustrated I give her the bottle as the lactation consultant suggested. I try to put her to breast after she eats, when she's calm - the other suggestion by the lactation consultant - but she falls asleep and won't do anything. I have another appointment on Monday, and all I can do is pray that God will guide the appointment and give me some new insight, tips a SNS...something to help this process along. Thankfully, I have milk, so I've been able to pump and feed it to her. She's still getting all the immunities and such. I'm tempted to look up exclusive pumping, but whenever I think about that, I remember that I am not one who gives up without a tough fight. Breastfeeding is important to me - the bonding, the closeness, the experience shared with mother and baby. Today is a day where I just feel I'm at the end of my breastfeeding rope. She was crying at the last feeding. I was crying at the last feeding. I loaded her up in her stroller and went on a quick power walk to bust the stress; it helped, and then Ryan, my sweet Ryan, got home and said, "I think you're doing a great job, babe. Let's wait until Monday. She'll have some ideas." And my sister called me and encouraged me saying a bottle isn't bad and wait until Monday. And my mom said to persevere, because I will look back someday (even if it doesn't work) and know that I tried everything I could. God is answering prayer, even if it's not the way I want. He's giving me encouragement through many forms, and it's encouragement I greatly appreciate.