Joy & Sorrow

The last few days have been so joyful, and also hard for me in various ways. I woke up yesterday with the immediate thought to text my mom "Happy Mother's Day" before I remembered, yet again for the hundredth time last week, that she's no longer here to say that too. I went to church, a little perplexed about why Ryan never showed up but got my question answered when I returned home to lovely hanging pot of flowers on my front porch, roses and homemade crepes. Yum! We spent the day watching movies with Sarah & Rey (& even Zooey who sat still for most of "Winnie the Pooh!"). It was a nice day overall.

Tonight was the last night of BSF for the kids, which is always a rough night, but even more so since I will not be returning to the evening class next year, or to leadership. I have been with these women in this circle for the last five and a half years. They have obviously seen me through a lot, including most memorably my pregnancy & Zooey's arrival and the illness and loss of my mom. They are truly like family to me. It is a loss for sure; it is bittersweet...a grieving period that is also filled with hope because I will be attending BSF with Zooey! in the fall. As the Lord keeps telling me, she is SO worth it! God has also called me to some new ministries at church and in MOPS, and although I honestly fought with Him on it, because I am so passionate and love BSF so much, He's made it clear that He wants me to serve elsewhere. I told Him anytime He wants me to serve Him at BSF, I'm on it! LOL. :) I am sure that this week will be filled with tears...probably especially as I attend the leader's brunch and sharing night (always a tear-jerker of joy!) next week.

Another piece of joyful news announced at class tonight was that BSF is adding the study of Revelation! The study will be added in 2015, and I am SO excited that I can hardly contain myself! My first thought was to grab my cell and text my mom, who never thought they'd ever add that study, being that BSF is interdenominational. But once again, I realized she's not here to hear that news, and I was a little crushed.

I miss her. Grief is unexplainable and personal. I can't explain it other than she was my mom. Someone wise once told me right after my mom died that there's just something about knowing your mother's love is there, that unconditional love, and especially now being a mom, knowing the prayers that a mom prays for her child...that there is someone there praying that way for you - that is so special; no one can really prepare you for that "missing." I think that describes it well. Abraham Lincoln said, "I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." Also, she was the person who kissed my boo-boos away when I was an infant and throughout my life...she knew just what to say. She shared in my joy in a unique way that only a mom can. I miss her so much.

One of my favorite things to study this year was in Thessalonians when we learned that the dead will rise first and will meet us in the air. I cannot wait to see my mom again. The Lord's precious promises mean so much to me. He is so sweet to include that little tidbit for us - that promise that we'll see our loved ones again. He is MORE than enough; seeing Him will fulfill me in EVERY way imaginable, but when our God gives, He gives in abundance and is also sweet enough to promise the joyful reunion with the saints who have gone before us. I love Him so incredibly!!

The title of the last lecture for this year was "Amazing Race: Sprint to the Finish." I want to sprint my life's race to God's glory...even when I am facing rocky, unknown territory as I am this upcoming year.