4am Feedings

This morning at 4am as I was nursing and snuggling Zooey I got to thinking about how when I was little I loved to snuggle with my mom. I obviously don't remember being a baby, but I do remember being small and wishing to be around my mom a lot - and I loved her hugs. Now we hug when we need encouragement or at a holiday or birthday, but it's just not the same. We don't hug just to be close; I guess that these physical needs for closeness are now met by spouses. I haven't thought about that in a long time, and as I look back over my life, the time being small is such a blur. I have some sharp memories from being a child, but most of the memories are like every other memory, buried because it wasn't hugely significant. My friends tell me how much nursing your baby changes over the year. Babies go from being so small and needing so much help and focusing on the task, mom & baby relishing the bonding & closeness, to being distracted and knowing just what to do. The authors of books and articles all say that looking back on these early weeks and 3am feedings makes them wish they cherished that time, because it goes so fast. I am trying to cherish it. I know that 18 years from now when Zooey's off to college and I'm feeling nostaligic, I'll look back on these bleary-eyed encounters that were so sweet, just the two of us. And even now, I cherish it, because I know the food and the comfort are growing her into who she will be. Little by little, slowly yet very quickly, the snuggles Zooey & I share will grow farther apart. God is so good to give us little Zooey, and I am so thankful He's entrusted us to her. Being a mom is the sweetest, most amazing job He has ever dealt me. I pray that He will help me to cherish and savor each moment, not taking one for granted. I pray that He will help me to tell Zooey all about Him and show her all about Him through my actions. I pray that He will help me & Ryan to raise her in such a way that we will fully trust letting her go into the world someday. Although a part of me can't wait for Zooey to sleep through the night, I've come to realize that I can wait and even enjoy it with the right perspective. It will come soon enough.