Having a Two Year Old is Awesome!

I spent the morning at a local indoor play place for kids that's becoming a favorite of ours. It really struck me through conversation with a friend how much I love the age Zooey is at right now. It is such a fun age! Her imagination is really picking up, as is her attention span. Where as she used to spend time playing with one toy, then another and another and another all without any real focus, she will now actually pretend-play. We spent a good five minutes making "sandwiches" and another ten with her "feeding me" cookies dipped in chocolate sauce & peanut butter (even in pretend play, my kid knows what's up when it comes to food!). She also loved to sit and flip through a look & find book with me and even spent some time coloring on a chalk board with her little friend, Sybella. She took a stuffed bear up the ladder on the slide and pushed it down, laughing the whole time, before she herself went down. She "drove" a school bus for a good chunk of time. It just really is a fun age. Today was one of those days I wish I could bottle up and take out later to bask in. That's why I took a lot of pictures! To finish up our morning, we went to Chick-fil-A, where I had promised I get her an ice cream. As we shared our "girl's lunch," the sun was bouncing off Zooey's hair, and she smiled and carried on quite the conversation with me about her love of ketchup, and I realized again how incredibly blessed I am to be this little girl's mommy.

The Heart's Desires

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." Psalm 37:4, NLT

I used to read this verse and think that if I followed all the rules, then God would give me what I want. Ha. Ha. Hahaha! I'm so blessed He's brought me past that wrong way of thinking. Because, guess what? Every time I didn't follow all the rules, I was totally broken and dismayed by my level of guilt, thinking my own inability to please God was the reason I wasn't happy. Romans 3:9b-12 says, "We have already made the charge that Jews & Gentiles alike are all under sin. As it is written, 'There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." I could never - never, ever, never - please God on my own. Thank God that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sins and cover me with His grace, so that now when God looks at me, He sees Jesus' purity and accepts me into His family.

How does one "take delight in the Lord?" By reading His Word, by poring over it and making Him your passion. By carving out the time to form a real, personal relationship with Him just as you would do with your closest friend. What would happen if you didn't carve out time with your friend? The relationship would become stagnant, non-existent. What happens when you don't carve out time for God? You start seeking fulfillment and happiness elsewhere, you start looking for pleasures that abound in the world, but are fleeting and still leave you wanting. The relationship grows stagnant, and God lets you go out and explore...He gives you over to these temporary desires. But these desires, even the good ones (having a good career, finding the love of your life, having a child, making and keeping friends) are still all earthly things, so they still don't fulfill. So, what is God talking about when He says He'll give you your heart's desires? When we delight in the Lord, we start to see things from His Word, His will and His perspective. Simply put, our desires change. They begin to mesh with His desires for our lives, because His desires for us are best. He wants us to be free and at peace and find joy - even when we don't necessarily feel it. There will be hurts, there will be suffering; sometimes our deepest wants won't be met.  But when we make God's desires the center of our heart for our lives, we will be fulfilled in a way that's indescribable. It's indescribably by human terms, because it comes from Him. It's why we can rejoice in suffering, because of the hope He offers.

No one can guess the secret will of God, and you know what? Sometimes it doesn't make sense, it doesn't seem fair and we just don't understand. The good news is: He does. And someday, when we give it over to Him, He'll show us why He arranged things just so. And we'll say, "Aha! I get it now!"

Waiting for Glory

I titled this blog after Hebrews 12:1, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." I love how Paul uses running a race and staying strong and firm so many times in his words and letters. This morning, I read Acts 20:24, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." This is the kind of life I want to lead. I want to love like Jesus loves. I want to turn from my sin and be pure and holy.

The Lord has really convicted me this morning of some sins I need to turn from. Gossip that sneaks into conversations, a bitter root that's been seeded and watered and is growing in my heart, unforgiveness...among other things. My prayer is that the Lord will help me to turn so fully from these sins that I am like the Ephesians who burned their scrolls of sinful sorcery, so they couldn't turn back to it even if they wanted to. They completely removed the temptation from themselves. (Acts 19:18-20). I am praying about how to do best do this, but I do know that part of it will include being bold in my obedience to Christ, even if others might be "offended" by my passion, even if others might call me obsessed or uptight. After all, the whole purpose of our lives here on earth is to be holy, set apart for God. Paul encouraged the Thessalonians in both of his letters to them to stay strong in God's word and remain obedient to Him. In 1 Thessalonians, the text that really stands out to me is "Test everything. Hold onto the good. Avoid every kind of evil." (1 Thes. 5:21-22). And in 2 Thessalonians 3:15, Paul writes, "So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter." As a Christian, I am not to live this life as the world does, moment by moment, doing whatever feels good at the time, be it entertainment (movies, books, off-color jokes, drinking myself to drunkenness, etc.). I am also not to waste my time away in a saddened state, pondering the big Why's (why did my mom die? why does God allow babies to be raped and killed?). As a Christian, I am called to be passionate and obsessed with God's Word, with living a life that is God-honoring and looking toward Christ's return, living and working for Him. As I read this week, "A person who is obsessed with Jesus thinks about heaven frequently. Obsessed people orient their lives around eternity; they are not fixed only on what is here in front of them." (Francis Chan, Crazy Love).

What is this going to look like in my daily life? Well, one thing is for certain: Scripture makes it very clear to us that true belief in Christ requires obedience to Christ. To have received Jesus as Lord and Savior is shown by careful study and obedience to God's Word. I am so thankful that God has been helping me to get up each morning to spend time with Him before I go on with my day. I am thankful that He's revealed these sins to me and am asking Him to change me from the inside out. I am praying for courage in facing people who want me to compromise, or who may think the compromise isn't compromise but merely something harmless or that perhaps I'm being too uptight. While these words may hurt, I am convinced that having Jesus ask me why I went along with it, with tenderness in His eyes on His Day is going to hurt my heart a whole lot more. I want to make good choices today, no every moment, so that when He comes in Glory, I can be found watching and working for Him.

Christmas

Christmas was different this year. (HELLO, Captain Obvious!) In addition to having some very rough moments, I also had so much joy in some moments I thought my heart would burst. I cried until my eyes were red and my pillow was covered in snot on Christmas Eve; the missing was horrible. But I awoke on Christmas more excited and happy than any Christmas morning I'd ever had as a kid; I couldn't wait to see Zooey experience it. We went to the candlelight service at our church on Christmas Eve (which was wonderful, always a favorite tradition for me) and then spent the night at my dad's eating posole. Christmas was also different in the fact that we just did different stuff. Zooey & I spent Christmas day at my sister Melissa's house, because Sarah & Ryan were working. It was so nice to spend some time with her and her family and get to just hang out. Ryan was off on Monday, so we had our time with Sarah & Rey & my dad on Monday. Overall, our Christmas was truly a time of joy and togetherness.

Checking out the new slide from Santa

Cinnamon roll breakfast - our family's Christmas tradition!

A new favorite - an easel from Mom & Dad

Zooey with her cousin Kate, checking out the hamster

MORE PRESENTS?!?!

I miss my mom today. I was driving home after lunch and glanced at the clock. "1:38," I thought, "I'll call Mom; she's probably at lunch." I shook my head and realized all in one moment that she's not here. Oh, how I long that she could've seen Zooey on Christmas. I wish I could've talked with her about the ways Zooey's grown in the last year, how she really gets how to open a gift now, how cute she was on her slide that Santa brought her. I wish I could upload the video of Christmas morning and show her and see her eyes light up and hear her laugh. I wish I could take her to the places I take Zooey to play and explore. I just miss sharing life with her. I wish I could hear her tell me funny stories, or sing her silly songs to her dogs, or hear her tell me what she learned on Charles Stanley. It's the little things, you know?

I realized while I was journaling today that it's hard to really be real with people. They ask how things are going, I give a brief sentence answer. I usually change the subject. Why? I don't know. Grief feels very private to me. I feel...confused...right now. I will go several days and be fine. I will go several days and be very sad and feel very alone in my grief. I will be fine in the morning and a wreck before bedtime. Or fine in the morning and have a rough drive in the car with my memories. I can feel very confident in the hope I'll see her in heaven, but other moments feel so sad that I'll never see her here again. One day I still feel like she's just on a trip, the next it feels very final. My emotions are really all over the place, so that's why it's hard to be real. That's why I think I change the subject and can't open up, even though there are times I desperately want to. I appreciate your prayers, though. Thank you so much for that!

I also realized today that I've been struggling being real with God. Which is kinda' funny to me, because I'm the one to always encourage people to be real with God, because He already knows everything, anyway. The thing is, I think I'm trying to hide. I think I want to pretend I'm ok sometimes, even when I feel Him prompting me to come to Him with my tears. I don't want to face it, so I ignore Him. Not the proper response. It was so freeing for me to come to Him today and be refreshed with the knowledge that He DOES know, He knows it all - my joys, my sorrows, my fears, my doubts and apprehensions. He knows I just want to be done with the hard stuff and move on. Unfortunately, that's not exactly how it works, so He encourages me to pick up my Bible, to bow my head to pray, even when it is hard. He wants to bind up my broken heart and heal my crushed spirit, but that kind of repair takes time. If surgeries can last 12 hours, why do I think God will fix me up in a mere 5 months from such damage? It's going to take time, but God is the author of time, so I can trust He has big plans for it. Even in the lowest points, even when it sucks worse than anything I've ever experienced, I can honestly say I'm excited to what He has for me on the other side.

Christmas

Although a post is sure to follow with pictures and updates of Zooey and family and everything else, the number one reason we celebrate Christmas is CHRIST. Our pastor shared a bit of this in church this morning, and I found it on the internet and just had to share. I feel that this explains the meaning of Chistmas so well. May Christ bless you as you approach this new year, and may you know THIS God and grow closer to Him. Love, Amber, Ryan & Zooey

The Message of Christmas


“This God could put on eyebrows and kneecaps, tear ducts and saliva glands.

This God could be born under the tyrants Augustus and Herod.

This God could accept the smells of shepherds, and the extravagancies of political emissaries.

This God could start life a vulnerable hunted child born into scandal.

This God could grow up under foreign domination and among terrorists and outcasts.

This God could sit in the street playing marbles.

This God could wear with pride the calloused splintered hands of an honest workman building the houses and fixing the furniture of half-castes, outcasts and bigots.

This God could ask his cousin to baptise him along with the rest of the crowd.

This God could make the best vintage Pinot Noir or Cabernet Sauvignon even when the guests were too drunk to know the difference.

This God could befriend a bloke in a tree with small man syndrome.

This God could enjoy a sinful woman washing his feet, giving her his full and undivided attention, and ignoring the eye-rolling of lawyers and theologians.

This God could spend a whole night making a whip to crack over the backs of con artists who rip-off the poor.

This God could wrap the greatest truths in the simplest stories, and put a sting in the tail of every yarn.

This God could let himself hang on a tree, nails tearing at his sinews, every muscle screaming, the weight of the world upon his shoulders, life slowly draining away.

This God could invite women to be the first to know that he was back.

This God could delay his own glorious homecoming long enough for a bite of breakfast on the beach and a yarn with an old mate to let him know there were no hard feelings and to pass on his mantle.

This God could take his own story and give it the most surprising ending.

This God, this God, is worth knowing.

This God could reach into the crevices of my soul to bring to life the longings I smother so pathetically and recklessly with shame and excuses.

This God could raise me up to life with him.

This God could give me every blessing he could give himself.

This God could draw me out of my petty self-interest and sad little excuses without even a hint of a ‘tut-tut’, a frown, or a patronising smile.

This God could be more infuriating and fascinating and gobsmacking than any god I could ever make up.

This God could love my obsessiveness and overlook my forgetfulness.

This God could laugh and cry with me, and come play with me.

This God could make me his glory.

This God could love me.

This God could make my heart good.

This God could trust me.

This God could never be safe, but always be good.

This God, this God, is worth knowing.

This God I want to know.

This God I know in the face and Spirit of Jesus.”

I found this on the blog, "Knowing Narnia," at http://iosa.tumblr.com/. This post was titled "The Message of Christmas" and was dated 12/15/11.

26-27 Months

Wow, how time flies. I completely forgot to do Zooey's 26 month update at the beginning of December! It's been a busy month for us, getting ready for Christmas and doing triple the shopping (Sarah & I went shopping on behalf of my dad and grandma) and triple the wrapping. It honestly feels like such a blur. So, here are some things to catch you up on Miss Zooey.

Zooey really enjoyed Thanksgiving and ate almost a whole plate of food! Her favorite was the cranberries. She LOVES the Christmas tree and outside lights we put up. She had so much fun hanging ornaments and kept laughing, smiling and yelling, "tree!" She's also been very good, leaving the tree and the presents alone.

Zooey is obsessed with her baby dolls! She carries one around almost all the time, and she loves to feed them, give them kisses, snuggle and sleep with them, push them in the stroller and do lots of other things with them (like throw them on the floor and laugh). She walks around happily babbling and saying "baby" over and over again, and we can almost never leave the house without one of her precious babies. We've started to name them, because she has about six, and she always wants a different one.

We had snow a few times that actually stuck a little to the ground, so she was pretty excited about that. She liked to touch it with her finger and try to put it on my finger. She doesn't like to walk on it too much, though, but maybe that's because when we had that icky slush I told her it was slippery.

Zooey's getting more into imagination play (as mentioned above with her babies), and she also has her babies pet her toy animals or give them kisses. She has been enjoying building with her blocks, she still loves crafts (although she seems to be on a coloring hiatus right now, preferring stickers, paint and glue) and she's also getting into puzzles. In fact, second to her babies, she probably spends most of her free play doing her puzzles and pegboard. We've continued daily story time, and her favorites continue to be her Bible stories. She loves to play with her Christmas nativity toy as I tell the story. She's also begun to enjoy longer books more and seems to be able to pay attention a little longer. She loves to point out things in the stories as I read and ask her where/what things are.

I've mentioned before that Zooey isn't really into TV, but that's changed in the last month or so. We don't let her watch too much, but she does get about 20-45 minutes of TV time per day, and her favorites, in order, are Yo Gabba Gabba & Play With Me Sesame. We've started a new routine in the morning where we go snuggle with Daddy when he wakes up and we watch PWMS. Zooey loves being the one to wake Ryan up, and Ryan & I enjoy having a little quiet time as a family. Today, she must have been very tired, because she slept in until 9:00, which allowed me to doze a little longer, too. When she got up, we had extra TV snuggle time and just kind of chilled out. It was relaxing and nice to have those cuddles!

The biggest thing that's happened in the last month, which has taken up a lot of our focus and is probably why it seems time went so fast, is potty training. The first weekend in December, Zooey asked to go potty at church and went! So, we started potty training that afternoon. That first week was ROUGH to say the least, but now she is doing very well and is in panties except for naps & nights. She's actually been dry & clean for naps for almost a week, so I'll probably change her to panties for naps this week, too. She's so funny; she was so proud of herself and loves her Elmo potty seat so much that she has tried to kiss it multiple times! Stay tuned for an update on our next big change: the big girl bed, which we are transitioning to next week.

Zooey is such a sweet, loving girl, always snuggling up or giving kisses and cuddles in the midst of her playtime. She's happy and confident and not easily scared or hurt - she's a toughie. She bounces back quickly from disappointment, except maybe when she's tired or hungry. Another cute story: at church on Sunday, her little buddy Sybella was having a minor breakdown, and when Sybella's mom went to get her, she said Zooey was sitting there patting Sybella with a very concerned look on her face. This is my empathetic, caring little girl! That made my heart so proud.  She's a joy to mother and to be around; she's my little buddy. :)

Zooey with her little friend, Sybella

"Ya, I'm cute."

Big girl knows how to climb up in her own seat now



Saying "hi" to Aunt RaRa at work. She loves RaRa, if you can't tell from the big smile.

"Tree!!!"

Having some fun at a local indoor playroom

Exploring at the children's touch museum

(I detest Barney) but Zooey loves him





Zooey self-soothing by twirling her hair to fall asleep - just like me, Grandma & RaRa!

And last but not least, here's a slideshow of the 2-year prints I'm putting up in the house. My friend Carmelita took them, and they are so pretty!